Sometimes...When I Stare Out The Window

Hanako Lee

Sometimes...when I stared out of the window, I would see her. Her name? Kagome Higurashi. She was my neighbor, though she didn't really acknowlege me much. Maybe it was because I was always hiding myself. I knew almost everything about her...I mean, I wasn't some stalker or anything, it's just...I really liked her. She was beautiful, smart, talented, and optimistic. These were my attributes in a perfect girl. What was unfortunate though is that she was dating the school's most popular guy, InuYasha Taishou. I can see it in her eyes sometimes around school...how she was hurting just because of him.

Sometimes...when I stare out of the window, I would see her. I would see her weeping sorrowfully, as she deserately clings onto her pillow, as though it's her only life support. It pains me to see how much she cries over him and I wished...wished it was me that she would spend her time with, me that she would smile to, me that she would hold onto, and me that she would...love. I didn't really understand why she wasted her time with a guy who always cheats on her. I also didn't understand why she spent so much of her lifetime with someone who doesn't even acknowlege her as much as I. It angered me, frustrated me, aggravated me...hurted me. If only it was me that came first...maybe, just maybe...life would be more easier for both of us.

Somtimes...when I stare out the window, I would see her. I would see her staring out the window too, dreaming off into her own world. I would see her stare straight at me. Though it would shock me, I try to give her my best achknowlegement. Only to have her wave at him...for he, would be with me...in my room. He, well he was my cousin. We were related by blood-line. Our parents were blood cousins, so that made us distanct cousins. He would come to my house when our parents wanted to have a family meeting. We both weren't on best of terms, that I knew for sure. I would look at him strangely and he'd just smirk. It's as if he knew what I was thinking...as if, he was provoking me somehow. I just snicker at him, asking him who she was...he'd respond proudly,

"My...girlfriend."

Sometimes...when I stare out the window, I would see her. Him and her, kissing passionately...about to begin a very intimidating scene. This brought foul and disgust to my thoughts. I stare for a bit before turning away, but before I turn away, it seems as though my imagination was playing with me...I would think I see him smirking provocatively at me before pulling the curtains down. Was he really trying to provoke me? Or was it my imagination...?

Sometimes...when I stare out the window, I would see her. She would be dancing to some random music. Dancing was her passion from what I've observed. InuYasha once told me that she choose to go to dance school than going to university with him. He was very angry during that time, after that, he dialed some girl's number, I think her name was Kikyo. Yeah, well he asked her if they wanted to "study" together and after that he told me he had to go. It burnt me inside. I was enraged, he had such a beautiful and talented girl and yet, he was cheating on her senselessly. What kind of bitch is that? But I didn't say nothing. I just felt angered, not for me...but for Kagome. She deserved better...way much better.

Sometimes...when I stare out my window, I would see her. She would be playing her guitar on her bed, singing a song she probably wrote. Maybe about InuYasha...most likely. I still didn't understand why she chose to be with him when there was so much other guys who liked her. I go to her school, I know what others say about her. Nothing bad really...they just say how much she deserved a better guy. They just whisper amongst eachother about how much they believed she was better off with someone else and how much InuYasha was just using her. And I somehow, agreed with them.

Sometimes...when I stare out my window, I would see her. She would wave at me cheerfully and I'd feel my heart pace one thousand miles per second. I would wave back...it was term three of school and I had a class with her. She was my partner in Chemistry and she began the friendly conversation. That was the first time we've ever talked. I felt like I've known her for so long...which I have, but not known...just basically admired.

Sometimes...when I stare out my window, I would see her. InuYasha and her would be arguing and shouting at eachother. He would say something hurtful and she would spit it back at his face, making him loose all his pride. He'd then shout something horrible at her and she'd end up crying...running out of the room. He'd turn over towards my direction and glare at me. I'd think, "Hey, it's not my fault you messed up with your girl." He'd then run off to find her somewhere...probably in the bathroom and makeup. She was a very gullible person...and I don't get why she'd forgive him.

Sometimes...when I stare out my window, I would see her. She'd be crying because of her recent discovery of InuYasha cheating on her. She'd look my way and then grab the phone...calling me. I would tell her that everything will be alright...I would tell her, I'm always here for her...if she needed me. I bet she took that as a good guy friend thing, but I was and am serious. If InuYasha was knocked out of her love life...I wouldn't hesitate to bring her into my arms this instant and just hold her close until she felt better...I love her...I really do.

Right now, when I stare out the window...I don't see her nomore. You see, she had accepted InuYasha's marriage proposal and they both decided to move in together. I didn't know how to react to this...but I managed as I moved on with life. I mean it's hard but everybodies got to get going...to never look back and let the past hold you down. That's what I learnt as I observed Kagome...Kagome Higurashi...

"Kouga...what're you looking at?" My girlfriend Ayame asked me abruptedly. I just smile sadly to her.

"Just staring out my window."

Yet, that statement meant more to me than her.