3Severus Snape lay dying on the dirty floor, staring up at the last ceiling he would ever see. The sloped, moldy ceiling of the Shrieking shack filled with ancient cobwebs that no one would knock down. Had he known he would die today he would have… well what would he have done? Probably nothing, he mussed. But still, it was nice to pretend to think he would have done something.
If he could have gone back in time… he would, that much he was certain of. He would have stopped his father from yelling at, and hitting his mother. He would have done more then what he did, he would have tried to keep his family from crumpling around him. It was too late now he knew, but he liked to think he did all those things.
It was a lie, but it was still nice to pretend.
He would have stood up to the Marauders. He would have never allowed them to reach him because they were so obviously beneath him. He would have been just a little smarter, just a little faster, just a little braver.
He had always been just a little behind, but it was still nice to pretend.
He wouldn't have become a Death Eater. At the time it seemed like the natural order of things. It was what all his 'friends' wanted to do and he wanted to do the same as they did. Being with them was the place where he had an excuse for falling as far as he had.
It was a terrible excuse, but still it was nice to pretend.
He would have been a better friend to Lily… because maybe if he had then maybe it could have been more then just a friendship.
He doubted it, but it was still nice to pretend.
He would have told her how he felt about her. He would have told her how much he loved her. How much he wanted to be with her and how much he hated her not being with him.
She wouldn't have returned his feelings, but still it was nice to pretend.
He would have tried to save her. He would have run into that house and protected her. He would have gone up against the Dark Lord a thousand times if it meant that Lily would have lived.
It probably wouldn't have changed anything, but it was still nice to pretend.
If he could go back in time he would have.
Now he saw something different. Potter? No, not that one. The son. Lily's son.
"He has her eyes… precisely her eyes…"
"Look… at… me…" He heard himself say. Green eyes stare down at him and he sees her. In his mind the face he so loathed from his childhood doesn't surround those beautiful eyes. Instead her face surrounds those eyes that are staring down at him strongly.
It will never again be true, but still was nice to pretend.