Author's note

This is for my wonderful BK muse No, because I know I've been frustrating her with Obsidian.

Also I'm crawling under work and needed a break. And crack felt better than angst.

Warnings: This fic is perfect proof that I am screwed up in the head.


Screw the Screwdriver

"Why are you squirming, Wench?"

"Did you really have to stick it there?"

"If you want me to fix it, yes. Or I could leave you squealing your way around for another few days. I have better things to do with my time than listen to you whine."

She pouted.

"Yes but-"

And then hissed.

"Yes?"

"Nothing." She did her best to control her breathing, wondering why her electrical nerve ends had to decide to go berserk now. They never did when her father fixed her.

Well, that might explain a lot, now she though about it.

The screwdriver did another twist, securing something way tighter than she was used to, and a groan vibrated in her throat, conveniently ignoring her tightly closed mouth.

Thank you very much, body. Remind me to give you low quality oil next time.

She could feel Guillo's raised eyebrow. Well, top-mask-half. That was probably why she could feel it moving, now she thought about it. Too much volume, it moved the air around, and right now her senses were very sensitive to that kind of thing.

"Is something wrong? Your face is changing colour. Like a baloongator who'd swallowed a Diadem Cloud."

"Thank you so much for comparing me to a baloon- oh po-" She bit her lip.

"'Po-'?" His voice sounded way too amused, whereas she had to wait till the movements in her back slowed down to talk again. She turned her head as far as she could to glare at him.

"'Powdung'. Am I not allowed to swear?"

"I thought you were a well brought up Mintakan Lady."

"If I was a well brought lady I would have slapped you and run away ages ago."

"Oh? Why don't you?"

"Don't want to hurt my hand. I'm not stupid enough."

"Of course." He grabbed her shoulder. "Hold tight."

And without further warning he plunged further in, twisting inside her. She nearly jumped, thanking the grip he had on her.

"Damnit, Guillo, that hurt."

"Not enough lubrication. When's the last time you oiled that part?"

"I don't know. It's not exactly easy to reach alone, you know."

He huffed.

"No wonder it got stuck. It's all dry in there. I'm surprised it's even running."

"Will you stop gloating about the state of my body and fix it already?"

"Stop complaining or I'll leave it the way it is. Now wait a second." He reached behind them with his free hand, and when it came back she felt the cool trickle spreading through her back, easing stress-strung clockwork and nerves. Her body started working faster, flawlessly, a real shock after her previous drowsiness.

"Thanks, that feels-damnit, you really have to warn me when you do that."

"Doing what? This?" The tip of the screwdriver slipped between two parts, pushing against one and sticking it back in place so it could run more smoothly.

"Yes, this. Are you doing it on purpose or something?"

"Who knows."

It was too easy with everything oiled that well. She could feel everything that was going on in there -what had her father been thinking? She could understand that it helped her maintain it, but seriously- and there was way too much going on right now. Everywhere parts were being brushed, tightened, pushed into place, loosened, and it sent an overload of information down her nerves, all the way to parts she hadn't been aware were even connected to her machina date network. She was starting to wonder if Guillo had somehow gotten his hands on a blueprint or something. How could he be so efficient when he didn't even see?

"There."

A final part clicked into place, and she literally moaned. Sudden electrical input ran through her nerves, finally reaching her right hand fingers. When she got her breath back she opened her eyes and stared at them, trying to flex them. It worked.

"Thanks, Dingbat."

She looked up, and nearly jumped. Sagi was standing in front of them, his eyes wide.

"Sagi? What are you doing here?"

"I- I thought I hear you cry out, so I was wondering if something was wrong, but when I came in he was just fixing you, and ogods why are you so red I'll just be in the living room ok?"

She blinked. By the time she was done, he was already out of the bedroom and by the crashing sound she heard, he'd probably gone all the way to the stairs.

"I think he had the wrong idea."

She wanted to slap him for his conceited tone. But most of all she was wondering if Sagi didn't have exactly the right idea.

"How are your fingers moving?"

"Perfectly," she spat. She forced herself to keep absolutely still as he removed everything from her back and slid her skin into place.

Next time, it would be payback.