Yet another spur of the moment. Came when I read Gotrek and Felix for the first time. I don't own anything here. Except maybe the names of one or two expendable characters.
Ed, Edd, n Eddy: Age of Chaos.
The Cult of the End Times had worked tirelessly for years. Agent from the jungles of Lustria, Albion, and Cathay had finally returned, bearing the artefacts that would begin the ritual of summoning. Arch-Lord Fernfprecher Keller began to call upon the winds of magic in their raw form, feeling it course through him and into the carefully arranged circle of artifacts. He felt daemonic figures, great ones, being drawn to watch what would take place. They had to come for his soul, but he was too strong for that he knew. He could easily blast them aside, but that was unimportant. All his focus had to go to ensure the ritual was completed. And it would have had it not been for those damned Witch hunters that came storming in just then. "By edict of Karl Franz, you are dubbed traitors of the Empire, and heretics in the eyes of Sigmar! You're penalty is death. May the gods have mercy on you for we cannot!" yelled his Fernfprecher's hated brother, Otto. Behind him swarmed state troops bearing the standard of Middenheim.
"And this is the proper way to fix a motorcycle." Onizuka finished, underlining his last statement on the board.
The home rooms was surprisingly quiet as many students actually found Onizuka's voluntary lecture on the subject "Mechanical Junk and Why They Break All the Friggin Time." Quite interesting.
Eddy however, was having none of it, He was with his only two friends in the back of the classroom twirling one of the quarters he scammed of some first graders. Edd, his intellectual friend was avidy making notes o the lecture, as he believed the pursuit of knowledge was the best possible thing anyone an do. Ed, the muscle just sat in his desk , his textbook on Radiology propped upside down while reading "Magical death Stuff" on the inside.
"Yawn." Dismissed Eddy after the lecture was finished, Edd frowned and turned to his friend Eddy.
"Really now, why can't you open up to Mr. Onizuka, he's foreign to the country, and is trying his best. He's probably never even had a homeroom like us before."
"I told you sock head, I'll care when I care. Sides, Onizuka's just asking for a pranking." Eddy said, smacking a fist into his palm.
"Is that so Mr. 'I'm still thinking about a good prank for here weeks'" Ed suddenly but in. "Why don't you turn his lead pencils into gold and make him think he's a millionaire, then have the gold turn back to lead so that the Black Market Triad will come and place a bounty on his head."
Eddy and Edd just stared at their clueless partner in crime. "Edd hand me your ruler." Eddy finally said, to which Edd complied. He flexed the ruler and gave Ed a hard smack. "That's dumber than your old idea of turning him into a frog!"
How had they found me? Now when I am so close? panicked Fernfprecher. He pushed such needless thoughts aside. "Go, this must not fail! GO!" he yelled to his followers and thee cultists moved as one to intercept the Empire's troops. "The Ender has come!" they cried as they were run through.
Kevin continued to appear like he hadn't a care in the world, occasionally stealing glances over at the Eds, who he knew would try to scam him the moment they left his line of sight. His athletic friend Rolf sat next to him, pondering the teacher's writing. "Why does teacher-with-long-sounding-name require us to be using a doohickey to repair a doubled wheeled instrument of transport that requires no foot power? It confounds Rolf to no end."
"Rolf, it's called a motorcycle. Get with the times dude." He sighed, scratching his cheek.
"Get with what times Kevin-boy? What time is Rolf in? Certainly not nap-time, not Nana-time, not even boil-the-beets-and-make-beet-wine-time. What time is it now? I thought was listen-to-teacher-with-long-sounding-name time."
Kevin slapped a hand over his eyes. He almost preferred the company of Johnny, the annoying kid who was currently situated behind him playing jacks with a plank of wood. Almost. Between him and Plank, the plank of wood's name, he would probably throw himself under a train. "Never mind. Just try to figure it out before we leave. Which is in 5 minutes." Kevin sighed, looking back at the Eds, and then clutching his wallet.
The Dark Gods have been kind to them, as many grabbed the spears that gutted them, and pulled the holder closer, revealing hideous mutations of claws, whips, and bony blades in place of arms. Men screamed in horror as they were hacked to pieces, intermingling with the laughter of the heretics. A loud crack came from the pistol of Otto, lodging a lead ball straight between the eyes of a cultist blessed by Papa Nurgle, his blessed diseases doing no good with a hole in his brain. Otto drew his blade, forged by dwarfs and blessed by Sigmarite priests, and joined the fray, felling cultists left and right. Heartened by such a sight the state troops pressed further. Nearly half of his flock lay dead or dying, and the remainder were quickly joining their fallen bretheren. He let some of the magic flowing in the circle to flow outwards and into his arm. A ball of Nothing formed and hovered just above his fingers. With a syllable, the ball flew towards the state troops, and sucked away life from all it touched, regardless of allegiance. Men died and shriveled into dried husks like the passage of a millennium had passed over them. "I have won this time brother, this time I won!" cackled Fernfprecher, just a moment to soon as Otto had reloaded his pistol with a lead ball, inscribed by dwarfs as a bane to all things chaos. The powder ignited.
"This is stupid, why do e have to listen to all this garbage about motors and cars and stuff its nothing but icky boys stuff. Grimaced Sarah.
"I'm a boy." Stammered Jimmy, Sarah's only male companion.
"I said icky boys Jimmy, don't worry." She patted Jimmy's shoulder.
"I wasn't even paying attention Sarah. Mr. O did say it was voluntary." Nazz, the most popular girl in the class, perhaps the school said to Sarah, fixing an unruly strand of hair.
"Speaking about attention, look what the Ed's are up to." Jimmy pointed to the three. Eddy had just hit Ed between the eyes so hard that the ruler he was holding broke in two, much to the distress of Edd. "Ah I hit Ed like that everyday since I was born. That dolt can take alot more than that."
"Still, that can't be god for his head." Sarah winced.
"There wasn't much there to start with. Ugh! Hurry up! Can this get any worse?" Sarah groaned. It's weird how it always does get worse when someone asks if it can.
A shot. It did not kill him. But the searing agony that came from his chest told him it hadn't missed. He felt the magic begin to seep away from his body as his blood leaked from the wound. The magic lost direction and control, and became erratic. The summoning circle had been disturbed as the Arch Lord stepped onto a figurine of a warrior from Cathay. After wards, the whole thing went to hell.
Well, since all that's done, I'm gonna step out for a minute." Onizuka dropped his pen onto the board and left, making a beeline for the bathroom. The moment the door closed, there seemed to be a breeze in the room, it was slight at first, blowing through everyone's hair, but grew and grew more violent, blowing papers, folders, books, then people. The classroom was a maelstrom that crackled with energy, drowning out the cries of terror. Then faster than it had arrived, the wind dissipated, along with the students. At that precise moment, Onizuka came back into the classroom. "K so where were we?" he asked, before looking into his classroom. He stood for a second as his brain processed the wreckage. Then he noticed his students were missing. "AUGH! I lost my students!" wailed Onizuka, flopping to the ground. For a second, then recollected himself instantly. "I shall find them, even if I have to hunt for them at the four corners of the Earth!" he struck a heroic pose, on foot on top of a capsized desk. "…except Japan, I'm still wanted.". He then delivered a flying kick to the classroom door, sending it flying off its hinges an stormed out.
Magic swirled about the room, striking down mortals in the most turbulent areas, Otto sounded a retreat, and many of the cultists actually followed, fear of the magic unleashed greater than that of the Elector Count's torture chambers. Fernfprecher stood there helplessly as the winds of chaos stripped him of his magic, then his flesh, then his bone till all that was left was his soul, which was quickly snatched and torn apart by hundreds of hungry daemons.
The first thing Edd saw after the swirling vortex had faded was a swirling mass of colors. Colors that didn't have names, nor should. He then saw the colors change and congeal, forming a pleasing tapestry of forbidden pleasures. A waft of perfume hit him as he floated towards creatures that looked like alluring women, but with pinkish skin and black, depthless eyes. A change in winds and he was yanked in a different direction. He saw Ed flying past him, flapping his arms like a goose, afraid that if he stopped he would fall. Edd looked down and saw what had frightened him. A giant mass of creatures with ravenous jaws that seemed to change on themselves and reform into things more hideous than before. He looked up to see a screaming Sarah, clutching onto a semi-conscious Jimmy for dear life as they were tugged away like leaves in the wind. The he too felt the tug and moved in a similar direction. The scenery changed, and what relief he felt was replaced by nausea. A realm where creatures wrapped n soiled clothes and unwashed bandages croaked various names into the wind, every now and again, one would form an enourmous wet or boil, that ruptured into a flower of pus and wriggling maggots. Edd fought with all his might to keep his stomach from luching its contents. Then he saw Eddy, who was not so successful, showering thecreatures below with his lunch. The monsters didn't seem to care, or even noticed and continued to chant in a language that made the urge to hurl all the greater. As the lands turned from pale green to red, his sickness was replaced by bowel clenching terror. Countless monsters, and humans were fighting, screaming, dying, while an enourmous being watched from a throne built by millions of skulls. It hurt his eyes just looking at the emourmous creatures gore-encrusted feet, so he didn't even bother looking at the rest. In the distance, he heard the whimpering of Kevin. Or maybe that was Johnny. Edd felt like he was reaching his wit's end when the lands changed to something more sane. Instead of being a swirling mass of insanity, they were wastelands, roaming bands that would actually notice him and roar obscenities at him. He saw that his friends float right beside him, Eddy ghostly pale, Ed, too frightened to speak, and the others in various states of semi-concsiousness. The land grew greener, more normal the farther they went, and then, they separated again. The tug weakened, and Edd seemed to be moving towards the ground. It seemed like he survived those mind bending horrors just to die in some land he was alien to. It was so unfair he thought as the ground moved ever closer. The tug had all but gone and he fell, and landed surprisingly close to a grubby patch of worn earth. Edd spat out the pebbles and dust that invaded his mouth and stood up. He looked at his surroundings and immediately saw the enormous city in front of him. The spires that seemed to touch the sky, the palace, covered with spikes, iron crosses, and skulls seemed to overshadow all. It was all so primitive and alluring at the same time. His reverie was snapped when he heard hoof beats on the ground. Edd squinted to see a band of armed men riding on horse back towards him. Before he could say a word, he was surrounded, halberds aimed at him. "Move at your peril heretic!" the one that was apparently the leader said.
"Heretic? What did I do?"
"He talks all fancy doesn't he? And those clothes, I'd say he's one f them magic users." A man behind him said. At this the line of halberds edged away, but still stood in a tight circle.
"If so, Herr Keller will be interested in this one. Best bring Herr Brieg to see how strong this whelp is." The leader replied. He leaned a bit closer to Edd, a smile on his scar-encrusted lips. "Welcome to Middenheim witch!"
So there you have it. No, if your wondering, Edd will not become a wizard. A different character will be a Gold Wizard of the College of Chamon.