The Unexpected Perils of Being "Special"

It's the summer after sixth year at Hogwarts and the Marauders have gotten together in London to see a new Muggle film. We join our fabulous four at the Movie Theater.

James shouts across the theater to Remus, "Hey Moony, Padfoot and I have got to hit the head, why don't you and Wormtail get us some snacks?" An annoyed Remus asks, "Okay, what do you want?" James hollers back to Remus, "Bert's Botts would be great."

"What about Padfoot?," asks Remus, attempting to shake off the embarrassment caused by carrying on a conversation with James across a theater lobby. "Oh, you know Sirius, he'll eat anything," and with no further ado James goes into the gents. Remus says to Peter, "Come on Pete, I see a cashier with no one in line." The two boys dash through the crowded theater to the concession stand.

"Yes sir, what can I get for you?" says a rather old cashier. "Moony, I don't see any Bert's Botts," Peter whines. "Or any Fizzing Wizzbees, no Jelly Slugs, or Acid Pops. I see a cockroach but he's not in a cluster. Moony, they don't even have Ice Mice!" The cashier is beginning to look annoyed as a huge line is forming behind the boys. "Well Pete, they have Lemon Drops and several chocolates I've never tried; why don't we get a few of those?" Remus suggests, hoping to pacify Peter.

"Okay, I guess," Peter sadly concedes.

Placing the candies in their pockets they head towards the restrooms. "Moony," Peter whines, "they don't taste anything like Snowcaps! They're just chocolate chips with white sprinkles on them! Shouldn't they be cold?!"

"Muggle sweets aren't like ours, Wormtail," Remus explains. "They aren't made with magic so they're just sweet, that's it." Peter looks at the treats in astonishment and states, "How boring." Remus rolls his eyes.

At that moment Remus pushes the door open and walks into the men's restroom. He and Peter hadn't thought much about the long length of time James and Sirius had been gone until they heard the voices coming from the bathroom stall! The first voice they heard was Padfoot's. "Is it in yet?"

"No" James replies, "would you hold still? I'm not going to hurt you with it! Dude, you're shaking." Again they hear Sirius; he sounds defiant. "I'm not shaking, you are!"

"Rigghht," James disagrees, "just hold onto the toilet and brace yourself and it will all be over." Wormtail has turned so pale he's green. Remus would have walked out the door if he hadn't been both frozen still and morbidly curious.

Sirius, in an unnaturally panicked voice, tells James, "Ok I feel it, I feel it- that's enough!" "Are you sure, Padfoot? Last time you said that it hadn't even gotten in yet."
"James, I'm drenched!"

Remus and Peter can hear the malicious glee in Sirius voice as he says, "It's your turn!" It is at this moment Peter faints and the twitch starts under Remus Lupin's left eye. Remus can't understand how he can be frozen solid, glued to the ground, and yet his left eye can still twitch. James states in a voice loud and clear, "I am a Gryffindor; I know no fear." Sirius responds in turn with, "Yeah, yeah, just bend over. Turn... that's perfect." James suddenly shrieks, "Too much, too much! Stop, stop!" Sirius hits the stall door with a thud. It's now Padfoot's turn to shriek "It's in my eye! You got it in my eye!"

Now Remus is a good werewolf but there is only so much one can hear before one's mind descends into the gutter. Remus really doesn't want to know what is in Padfoot's eye so his gag reflex takes over and he begins to choke. Prongs swings the bathroom door open. "Moony, you okay?" a very concerned James asks, wondering if he should have stayed awake during those first aid lectures. "Why are you asking him if he's okay, I'm the one you just blinded with your head shaking!" Sirius cries while wiping at his eye with his tee shirt. "Get over it Padfoot, can't you see Moony's choking?"

"No, I can't see anything!"

Remus regains his composure and feels the need to ask the obvious question. "What in the name of Merlin were you two doing in there?" Padfoot and Prongs are slightly taken aback by Moony's attitude but they soon let it roll off them. Prongs pulls a small bottle out of his pocket and says, "Eardrops."

"EARDROPS! Why didn't you just let Madam Pomfrey give them to you instead of mauling each other in a public restroom?" "Well Moony," James says, realizing Moony has gone into parental mode, "because these aren't just any eardrops, these are eardrops for 'special' people'." Prongs hands Moony the bottle. It says: "Pet name: Padfoot- for ear mites apply 5-6 drops in ear canal two to three times daily." Moony shakes his head and hands Padfoot back his bottle. "Who knew being an animagi would have such unexpected perils?" Sirius half laughs. "You need any Moony?" Remus shakes his head "no". Sirius walks over to Wormtail who's still lying on the floor and then nudges him awake. "Hey Pete, want a go?" Peter's eyes go wide and he squeals, "NO!

Sirius, being completely clueless, says, "Okay Pete, I don't blame you. This stuff burns if it gets in your eyes. Of course it's not supposed to go in your eyes." James then adds his two cents exclaiming, "You're not supposed to pour half a cup in someone's ear either!" Wormtail looks to Moony for help. Moony looks evil. Remus walks over to Wormtail and says, "It was just ear mites."

"What else would it be?" questions Prongs. Remus responds with diabolical glee, "Oh I don't know, 'Is it in yet,' 'I'm not going to hurt you with it!,' 'just bend over,' need I go on?" Now James and Sirius are looking a bit pale, their jaws are almost touching the floor and Remus is the happiest he's been in ages. James sputters out, "But Moony, Wormtail- you guys couldn't have thought for a moment that Padfoot and I... that we... I mean really... guys?" Sirius laughs his bark-like laugh. James turns to him. Sirius grabs James by both shoulders and looks him straight in the eyes and says to him with unabashed exuberance, "We MUST do this in front of Minnie!"