Plot Overview: This story picks up where Instant Star left off at the end of Season 4. I wasn't happy with that ending (especially since it was the series finale), so I decided to continue it. Jude has been living in London for the past 2 months with the perfect life. She has a new label, great apartment and fans who love her. To her life seemed perfect, so why didn't it feel perfect? Her and Tommy haven't talked since she left. (It's a total Jommy/Kwadie in case you were wondering.)
A/N: This is my first fanfiction, but I'm pretty happy with it so far. I would love your comments telling me things you liked and didn't like (get specific), things you would like to see happen (I'm open to ideas, because I have an ending in mind but the stuff in the middle isn't set yet. So all help would be appreciated) and anything else you want to add.
Chapter One: The Walls of Sanity, the Pains of Reality
As Jude practically leapt of the stage after her show, she smiled as the fans continued to cheer. Since her arrival in London two months ago, she had had huge success. A new album was on the horizon, she loved her new label and she loved her new fans! Everything was perfect.
As she walked backstage, receiving pats on the back and "great show"s from those around, she headed for her car and instantly went home. Yes, Jude Harrison's life seemed perfect-so why didn't it feel perfect?
As she stood in the elevator she watched the numbers light up as she approached her floor. She found herself leaning on the walls and dozing off. When the elevator's final ding signified her arrival, she practically had to drag herself out of the elevator and down the hall to her door. After fumbling with her keys for what seemed like forever, and mumbling angry words every time they slipped through her tired fingers, she finally opened her door and stumbled inside. The door shut behind her and she walked two feet before collapsing onto the couch. She was entirely too tired to move any further. So she kicked off her shoes and pulled a blanket off the couch and closed her eyes.
Jude's eyes shot open at the sound of Sadie's voice. "Jude, Jude? Jude! Are you even listening to me?"
Even in this confusion, Jude couldn't help but chuckle at how self centered that sounded. But it was Sadie. Jude looked around and found herself in an oddly familiar room, with light rosy walls, elegant wall paper and a vanity standing next to a full length mirror. Still confused, Jude proceeded to look around before finally realizing her sister was still in front of her awaiting an answer.
"Um, what?" Jude asked confused, the words barely making it out.
Sadie looked slightly annoyed, sighed deeply then began the question she had just asked for the 10th time. "I asked if everything was okay with your dress? You didn't spill anything on it did you?"
"What dre-" The words faded out. Jude was left speechless and she looked down to see herself in an elegant white dress, with beads and ruffles and the perfect skirt. Confused Jude took a double take of the room. Finally realizing where she knew it from. It was the church by her family's farm. The church Sadie used to drag her to so they could watch weddings, the church she always envisioned herself being married in.
"Holy crap, I'm getting married!" Jude practically shouted, with shock and fear dripping off every word.
Sadie looked at her younger sister with a half confused, half concerned look on her face. But after a moment of silence, she just chuckled and knelt down in front of Jude. Placing her hands carefully, so not to ruin the dress, on Jude's knees. Sadie looked into her sisters eyes and soothingly said, "Yes, yes you are. But since when did you forget? I haven't been able to make you shut up about this for the past 3 months. Oh and the count down, I swear your excitement got ridiculous, and now you forget about it. Who are you, and what have you done with Jude?"
She laughed at the last question and patted her sister on the head before rising to her feet.
Jude followed and soon they were standing in front of a very large door that could only lead to one place. And sure enough as it opened, Jude stood in awe as she looked down the aisle, and her dad stepped up next to her to take her arm.
"You ready, pumpkin?" He asked anxiously. His little girl was getting married. He couldn't get over it. His girl, his baby was all of a sudden grown up. He contemplated expressing his doubts about this, she was so young and they could always post pone the wedding, but as he looked at Jude a new feeling washed over him. She was beautiful, and grown up and so mature. She was ready. And so with that, Stuart Harrison took a deep breath and led his baby girl down the aisle toward her new life.
They made it to the door of the chapel. Jude was too confused to verbally ask questions. Her thoughts were so jumbled she wasn't sure if words could even form properly. But one question did consume her thoughts. "Who in the crap am I marrying?"
Standing in the doorway, Jude searched the crowd trying desperately to see the face of the groom who, conveniently, had his head turned around as he mumbled something to his best friend. Jude recognized the best man; it was Kwest with a giant smile on his face as he nodded toward the bride that had just entered. And in unison with the groom, the crowd turned and stood and the organ began.
Focusing on her breathing, Jude stared at the face of the groom waiting at the top of the aisle. She was so deep in thought she wasn't even sure she was smiling. But every one else was and so was her almost-husband. Jude took the final steps before her dad turned her to face him, kissed her on the cheek and handed her over to the love of her life.
Jude took his hand, stepped forward and with a deep breath stared into his eyes. She knew those blue eyes more than anything else in this world. They were deep and always exposed his true feelings; and right now they were flooded with happiness. A smile spread across her lips as the priest began.
Tommy. She thought I'm marrying Tommy. I'm gonna be Mrs. Jude Quincy...or Duteau. Crap what am I gonna be? As if sensing her thoughts, the Priest turned to Jude and asked the biggest question ever, "Do you Jude Harrison, take this man, Thomas Duteau, to be your husband? To have and to hold, in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?" Jude glanced at the priest before returning to those eyes. Tommy smiled and Jude's heart melted. With all the strength she had she firmly said, "I do." Her smile growing bigger by the second.
She gazed lovingly into Tommy's eyes as the priest asked him the same question. He smiled back at her and simply said, "I...cant"
Jude felt distraught. Her heart sank. Every bone in her body ached as her heart broke into a million pieces. "Wh-Wh-What?" She finally stammered.
He looked at her, into her eyes and in all seriousness said, "Did you really think you could just fix things. After everything, after what you did?"
"What did I-" She stopped her question as memories flooded her mind. She had had Tommy, on one knee with a make shift ring in hand and she had said yes, only to break his heart days later when she took it back. The painful look Tommy had as she rode away from her home to her new life stung within; threatening to rip what was left of her heart to shreds.
"I..I..." Jude couldn't find the words no matter how hard she tried. She let her mind slip and unconsciously she found herself whispering, "I'm sorry."
Her head fell as tears ran down her cheeks. In the distance she could hear wedding bells. Someone else's wedding bells. They blared into her, each one digging deeper into her soul. This was it, her fate, she had had it all-the perfect ending, and she had thrown it away without a second thought. The bells rang louder and louder until her body jolted upright.
Jude Harrison found herself sitting straight up on her living room couch, her alarm blaring from her bedroom. She touched her face and found that the tears had escaped her dream. She wiped them off and went into the bathroom to wash the tear stains from her cheeks. As the cold water splashed her face, Jude tried to shake the dream.
It was a recurring dream, and it always left her in a daze for a good few hours. It had started her first week in London and made nightly appearances in her sleep. Slight details would be different each time-her dress, the flowers, Sadie's comforting words. But the one thing that never changed was Tommy's answer. "I can't" The words still stung and would continue to sting long after her dream. She wasn't sure what it all meant, she had been so sure in her decision to go off alone, but now doubt plagued her every thought.
"Ugh. Get a grip." She commanded herself. "It was just a dream, it didn't mean anything. You're fine. Seriously get a grip!" Jude sighed, wishing it were that easy.
She dried her face off and walked into her room to turn off the alarm-cringing as the memory of those wedding bells flooded over her. She glanced at the time as she fumbled with the buttons until the ringing finally stopped. 6 AM. She hadn't gotten home till one and now she had to go to work on little sleep, with bags under her eyes, and her sanity threatening to come crashing down any moment.
Right now Jude would give anything to be able to crawl under the covers and hide for the day. But no. Her new label and new producer were very big on punctuality.
Tommy would have let me stay... Jude stopped herself before she could cause anymore pain. Her heart couldn't take it. And with that the daze set in. Jude mindlessly went through her day, she sang, she ate, she listened, she paced and at the end of it all, Jude couldn't remember anything specific that had happened. Her mind was still in the fog that her dream had brought in. Not allowing herself to explore that thought, she climbed into her car and focused harder than necessary on the road.
Jude once again opened the door to her apartment and stepped inside. Throwing the keys onto the table she slipped out of her shoes and headed for her room. She grabbed her pajamas and tried to focus on getting ready for bed. But no such luck. Her mind, as much as she tried to stop it, always found its way back to Tommy. To his face. The face in her dream, so happy and then so hurtful. And then to his face when they first got engaged, over the moon happy and then absolutely crushed when she told him, or rather her audience, that she had to go to London alone. For what Jude had done to him, she deserved to be left at the alter. She deserved everything Dream Tommy had said and he most certainly deserved better.
Once Jude had done everything she possibly could to get ready for bed, she found herself oddly awake. She wandered out into her living room, clicked on the TV and reached for her laptop.
Just as she had done practically every week since arriving, Jude searched the American tabloids for anything resembling her past life. Typically she found a few snippets about World Instant Star, and in turn the brains behind the show-Sadie Harrison. But today Jude didn't see Sadie, she didn't see mention of Instant Star, she only saw his face and his eyes staring back at her. Frozen in place, Jude stared at the headline that read, "Mrs. Little Tommy Q.?"
Once her breathing was restored and her heart started beating again, she took a deep breath and began reading.
Ex-boybander Tommy Q., of boyz attack, allegedly popped the question on Saturday to his recent girl friend Sasha McNeal. Only two months after his rumored engagement to former girl friend, Jude Harrison, was broken off Tom Quincy seems to have 'picked up the pieces' and moved on.
"He moved on." Jude mumbled. The thought practically made the world spin. "I said no so he found someone who would say yes. He moved on." The world was defiantly spinning now as Jude reached for the nearest pillow and hugged it to her chest for dear life as tears flowed down her face. The tears dropped onto the pillow, leaving dark circles that resembled her heart, as Jude began to sob.
Swallowing her cry, Jude's sob became mere sad hiccups, making her body tremor with every one. She read the rest of the article as it dished about their dating, and her acting career and his music. She slammed her laptop shut and stared at the TV for what felt like forever; not actually watching just trying desperately to loose herself in the lives of the fictional characters.
She sat like that, just staring, watching but not seeing until she was suddenly pulled to reality and was able to focus on the TV. She turned up the volume of Gilmore Girls, as Lorelai sang her heart out at a karaoke bar. The sad turn her voice took had Jude intently watching. Lorelai's eyes followed as Luke Danes, her former fiancé, entered the room. And suddenly the song was to him. "Bitter-sweet memories, that's all I'm taking with me. So goodbye, please don't cry. We both know I'm not what you need. And I will always love you. I will always love you." The song continued and Jude found herself crying again. It shocked her how much she connected to that moment, to that song, to the tone in Lorelai's voice. It was entirely her. With a final "I will always love you" the song ended and Jude was left there in the silence of her thoughts. How she longed for Tommy, to be able to say that to him, to explain to him, to say sorry. Not letting herself think any further, for fear of coming to her senses, Jude opened her laptop once more and began to write.
An email was the not the best solution, but it was all she could handle at the moment. She paused for a moment, contemplating the wording and finally started to type out everything she held inside.
The words I need to say don't exist so I'll have to go with the next best thing. I'm sorry. I really and truly, completely am sorry. I..I..Well I'm not sure what I was exactly thinking. But I know now that what I did was wrong. I handled it all wrong. We should've talked, I should have talked but instead I left. You meant the world to me and I just want you to be happy. Congratulations on your engagement. You deserve the best life.
With all my love.
She looked over the email, pausing on the word 'engagement'. She wanted to delete it, to put "don't do it" or "I love you". But she understood this was the right thing to do.
She pushed the mouse over to the send button and was about to click, when she glanced once more at the TV she had paused and at Luke and Lorelai's faces as they stared at each other. She backed off the send button and instead attached a file.
As she stared at the song that waited to be sent, she took a deep breath and made the subject match the attachment.
I will always love you.
And with that she finally hit send.
So just a sidenote- if you don't watch Gilmore Girls you can see the scene I described on youtube.
Just search "Gilmore Girls I will always love you" the first few are really good.
(Sorry, I tried, but it wouldn't let me post the link)