I had written this one a while ago, but never got to posting it. So I just now decided I would. ^^ Enjoy, people.
Emergency Legendary Meeting! Chapter 3
17:41, GOOD-HALF OF THE INDIGO PLATEAU.
"Um, excuse me," Palkia inquired as the other legendaries tried to figure out what happened last chapter. "why did we bring the clock back when we didn't use it at all last time?"
"I ASK THE QUESTIONS AND INQUIRIES AROUND HERE!" Screamed Mewtwo tyrannically from his bean cushion seat. , he was too drunk to understand much. "Whatever happened to your mamma, orphan boy?!"
Palkia took a deep breath, "We went over this, I'm loved in my own family now."
"PALKIA HAS NO MOMMY!"
Palkia stood up, stepped on his chair, and left.
"Aw... you suck, man!" Zapdos shouted at Mewtwo.
"Yeah, where's your mommy?" Moltres glared. The bird trio had run out of pot, so Darkrai and went out to buy some more. Now they were taking out their lack of cocaine out on Mewtwo. "Oh right. CLONES DON'T HAVE BIRTH PARENTS!"
Mewtwo glared his hardest, but he felt the tears well, so he broke down and started crying hysterically. "Daddy! Why weren't you there for me!?"
Lugia starred in silence, nodding. "I think it's time we went back to the list, as stupid as it is..." Lugia reached for it, but the moment he did, Heatran burped and burned it. Uxie followed suit by burping louder. Again, mild applause.
"Hey..." Zapdos turned to Moltres, who was busy frenching Articuno, but then they stopped. "Where did Darkrai go, anyway?"
17:43, PALLET TOWN
"All right, I made a big risk coming here..." Darkrai stated solemnly, standing behind a big building in the shadows. There was a hobo sleeping not to far away. "You got the stuff?"
"Yeah yeah, here... I got your fix. Quick—take it before Delia shows up." Stated non-other than Professor Oak. He passed a ziplock bag to the Nightmare Pokemon.
Darkrai stared at it suspiciously. "...you sure this is the golden? That Ash Ketchum was complaining that—"
"Son of a Bi#$t! What the Hell do you take my for?! This is the best you'll ever find! Now give me my money and take your sh$t!"
17:43, Indigo Plateau... 17:59... 55: 90 ...900 B.C. ... 120:12... End of the Wo—
"Celebi! Stop screwing around with time, or else I'll make sure you were never born!" Dialga threatened as Mewtwo held a very interesting conversation with a tea kettle. Meanwhile due to Celebi, a very confused George Washington stared around blankly.
Celebi was busy streaming through the time line in the building, sick of eating Rice Krispies and he just knew Home Model had gone off an hour ago. "Uugh-ah. I knew this would be a total waste of time. I'm so getting a martini and inviting Jake over after this is finished—"
"Stupid... loser... faggot!..." A little, nearly crying voice murmured spitefully. Confused, Celebi titled his head and turned around. Shaymin was growling under the table, in her Sky Forme and bashing a live-action Mewtwo figure in the head with a spoon.
"Hey that was my cereal spoon..." Celebi noted.
"Huh?" Shaymin turned around in surprise. "Sorry... I just hate that jerk-face. He made me look bad."
Suddenly, there was a loud whistle from the tea kettle. "OMG!" exclaimed Mewtwo. "My brother had diabetes, too!"
Celebi stared. "...Does that matter? Just take over the fu#$%!g world, like he failed too. That'll show 'em."
"Great idea!" Shaymin perked up and hopped to her fear quickly. "Let's dominate the world together!"
"Sure! My manicure isn't till six anyway! And seeing as how I can reschedule anytime this century, it's all handy-dandy!"
They shook, and a dark, terrible, cutesy/girly deal was made that would forever change the universe. . .
18:00 JACK AND JILL PRODUCTION STUDIES...
In some studio under inexperienced cameramen cameras, was a very bossy Director that goes by the name of Brock shouting what to do to Mew as she sat, now partially clothed in a skimpy outfit, sitting in a bed with a random, yet happy looking, Absol.
Mew nodded in understanding. "Okay... so I get to stay clothed this scene, but do I have to do that to him? Can't we just do it instead? That's what I signed up for."
"Not until there are more stains on the bed-sheet! Action-Now SUCK!" Brock shouted.
18:12 INDIGO PLATEAU
"Well, seeing as how we've strayed completely from why we're here," Mewtwo regally announced, now granted with a sober amount of sanity to read. He warped in a giant, fire-proof, water-proof, explosion-proof, death-proof, Chuck Norris-Proof chalkboard with names on it.
"Huh? Two, haven't you bashed enough for one millennium? At least wait until Generation five hits. Hell, I'll probably help you then."
Mewtwo ignored this and pointed at the board, "Okay, next person on the 'you'd rock, but I really don't know where your creation is going' list... Cresselia! Come on down! You're the next contestant on The Price is Right!"
"You hate us!" Phione shouted passionately, just about sick of Mewtwo's bashing. "Just because we're Sinnoh Legendaries, you racists bastard!"
"No, if I was racists I'd hate Black people." Mewtwo stated matter-of-factly. Then he leant over next to a face palming Lugia. "That's what it is, right?"
"No, Two..." Lugia groaned. "Just no..."
"Moving on...Cresselia," Mewtwo addressed her formally. "You–" Just as the bashing was about to begin, Mewtwo happened to look up and catch sight of a Cresselia's eyes, which glowed like moonlight, and suddenly pale moonshine, despite no moon being out, made her glitter and gleam elegantly... *sparkle, sparkle.*
"Holy Heracross..." Mewtwo gawked. He cleared his throat. "Uh... due to slight weather and hormonal changes, Cresselia will now accompany me into the other room for a chance to defend herself with scandalously sexy questioning. Cresselia, follow me, if you would." Mewtwo got up and gestured to the other room with a gentleman's bow.
Cresselia giggled and floated into the room obligingly. Mewtwo followed her in, made a thumbs up back at the group, and then sealed the door shut by warping in metal barriers. He finished it by warping another item, a sign that read, "Do NOT disturb or you will die."
Everyone just stared. Azelf whistled.
"Soo... what? That leaves me to bash you guys again?" Lugia questioned. "Because I'll just dismiss this meeting..."
"DOSH DOSH DOSH DOSH!" Regigigas objected instantly, eating his chair. Translation: NO! I will NOT sit here, and listen you bore us all to death, you hypocritical cross-dressed fiend! I shall take over this meeting, and build enough elaborate domino paths to conquer the world! MWU HA HA-!"
By now, everyone had freaked out and attacked Regigigas rather unmercifully since had started shouting out an awful lot of 'DOSH' s.
When he was unconscious, Latias, whom had been quiet up until she deemed it safe enough to speak, floated up to Mewtwo's chair. "Ahem—" She suddenly stopped and froze at the sounds of feminine moaning coming from beyond the metal wall. Azelf whistled again.
"Ahem!" She tried again, and all was quiet. "Thank you. Pokes of Legend, when I see stuff like this happen it normally means one of two things. One being Mewtwo got drunk."
"Bingo." Lugia put in helpfully.
"Or two, some legendary feuding is afoot. In this case, though it's more of the first reason, both are the problem."
"So what do you propose, sis?" Latios asked, ogling absently at the door Mewtwo and Cresselia had disappeared through.
"I propose group therapy!" Latias grinned. "Now we'll all talk about our feelings in a genuine manner, and solve this whole issue so we can all go home, eat snacks, watch television and masturbat—I mean watch television!" she corrected quickly. "Oops, I said that aloud, didn't I...?"
Silence greeted her proposal. Suddenly... "YOU'RE INSANE!"
"WORST IDEA EVER!"
"WHO EVER TALKS ABOUT FEELINGS?!"
Then a question more directed at Latias' slip up, "Can I watch?"
Darkrai suddenly raised his hand, back with a fresh ziplock bag of pot that Moltres, Zapdos, and Articuno more than gladly payed for and started smoking. "I liked Mewtwo's ideas better. That stuff was funny."
"Really?" Came Mewtwo's hopeful voice beyond the wall.
"OH! DON'T STOP, BABY!" Shouted Cresselia.
More silence. Azelf whistled again. Heatran ate him, and everyone else was slightly happier.
"Don't encourage him," Lugia had planted his head back into his wing. "Please don't encourage him..."
Mew suddenly floated back in as Latias left Mewtwo's chair dejectedly, looking bleary-eyed and red all over. "Well, before this meeting gets anymore sexually explicit, how about we do something meaningful now? I'd bake again if I weren't so tired..."
"Where were you?" Lugia asked curiously.
"I uh... was out jogging."
"I smell sex!" shouted Zapdos, his brain way past bucked up from crack. Moltres turned on Tom Sawyer and nothing more was needed before the three birds began singing.
"A modern day warrior with mean, mean stride
Today's Tom Sawyer means mean, mean pride..."
Articuno rocked out an air guitar section.
Throughly embarrassed and discouraged, Mew simply floated back down to the table and took her seat. Luga patted her back with a single feather from his wing for support. "Well, I've thought ahead and decided to help us decide who's best." he announced formally. "I've constructed a poll and set it up in the most glaringly obvious place in all of the Pokemon World!"
As every legendary leant forward to listen in on every one of Lugia's words as if they were as precious as the absent meeting food and refreshments, Lugia said dramatically. "It's at—"
"UUUAAAHHHHHHHH! OH YEAH!" Screamed Cresselia breathlessly from beyond the door.
Azelf whistled from inside Heatran's stomach. The fire legendary burped, disturbing his magma stomach acids, and that was that for Azelf.
Lugia was so disturbed and off put now that he just slumped down into his chair, broke it, and said, "It's in Saffron."
18:...I don't know anymore. SAFFRON CITY, SLIPH CO.
"So, um... where did this huge poll bulletin come from again, Ernie?" asked the manager of the building to a drowsy security guard who had just only managed to hide his PBS kid's magazine.
"Erm... I dunno. It was just here, all of a sudden... which is eerily convenient, since it's the same time as the Annual NTC, National Trainer Convention."
Meanwhile, the trainers where all arguing.
"Entie's the shiz! He get's my vote!" shouted Blaine, and pressed a button, giving Entei a much needed 2 vote total.
"What the?! You're a gym leader! You shouldn't be here!" Complained Tracey Sketchit. Blaine promptly blasted him through the 12th story building window with a bazooka.
"No way! Articuno rocks, you fags!" Shouted some random girl, who gave Articuno a total of -2 votes.
The manager approached. "Lesse... in third, we have Lugia... 378 votes. In the description it says "due to the sheer pwnage-ness that is 'da beast of bird Pokemon.' Huh, a quote inside a quote. That's rare. Second is... Mew, for obviously cute reason, with a total of 456 votes...and first is... WTH?!"
Yes indeed, in first place was none other that... Pikachu, with a total of 66667000 votes. "Who the heck voted that much for Pikachu!?"
Suddenly everyone turned around to a constant beeping noise. In a corner was Ash Ketchum, feverishly hitting the newly installed 'Vote for Pikachu' button with the frenzied look of a madman. "Go Pikachu! You can do ANYTHING 'cause you're the greatest Pokemon of all time! Yeah, you can do it, Pikachu!"
In an instant, an angry, popularity-impaired horde of trainers all swarmed Ash and ripped the panel from his hands followed by other things from his person in a flurry of fists, feet, and laffy-taffy ropes. "PIKACHUUUUUUUUUU!" — But my Spell Checker says: "PAYCHECKKKKKKKKKK!"
"...Man, I could use one of those..." commented one of the security guards hopefully from the sidelines as he watched the Ash mauling commence.
"Shouldn't you be doing sometihng about this?" asked the manager angrily. Ash's now torn and ripped hat flew past them.
"...Well, if you're sure."