30A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a being of unimaginable awesome-ness and just a little hint of evil-ness; And this beings name was Loki...
He was getting bored, as it happened, and every thousand years when he was bored, he would... make stuff. You know, like atomic bombs that actually just have 'BANG' flags in them and some human happens to get their mitts on it... Yeah, that kind of stuff.
Anyway, he decided to make something a little... different this time, and it so happened that he had the perfect shape for it...
But then, his girlfriend Dim-Sum came over and he was bored no more. So he threw out his newest creation into space as fair trade for months upon months of wild-crazy monkey sex...
Now, here we are at the beginning of however far this story is gonna go...
Picture it, Cicely, 1942...
What? None of you have even been alive that long? Well, join the club, 'cuz I definitely ain't been around longer than you. Plus this thing has a history you wouldn't believe if I told you the whole thing, and besides, THAT would take freakin' FOREVER.
So, try as you might, actually picture it, Cicely, 1942... An old guy everyone suspected was some kind of dark wizard, Rasputin Gorgovitch-who actually turned out to be the world's biggest homophobe next to Robin- was making a breakthrough of the century, or at least, until Michael Jackson went wiggy; Homosexuals aren't that bad... If you just, you know, hang out for a bit... You know, you can play tennis with a gay person, and... Okay, let's just say Rasputin-face-
BB:Gesuhndheit.
Thank you. Now, like I was saying, Rasputin-face was discovering his inner woman, who actually turned out to be quite feminie, until a small, maybe long, maybe two feet long, one foot wide box crashed down out of thin air on his head. Gorgovitch's 'inner woman' having just recieved a concussion, the jerk-wad studied what was inside the box.
He died the second he touched it. His 'inner woman', however, who went by the name of Hitler at the time, was a very pissed off homosexual indeed. Oh, btw, the box shall hereby be known as I-Carly.
By a completely normal current of events, considering it's creator, I-Carly was lauched into space. How the people of Russia manged to do that before Niel Armstrong landed on the moon astounds even them... but you know Russians, they just say 'product placement' and go on with their lives...
ANYwho, I-Carly, after destroying many an asteroid on it's stupidly assigned journey, finally reached the Justice League about three days ago. Timeline doesn't seem to fit, but then, who actually cares enough to point that out?
The, uhm, Justice League'ers were at the moment partying like their lives depended on it for some reason we won't go into, and, well, somebody let Superman, along with the Flash, a little too close to the 'punch'. You know, the 'punch' you normally have at the prom if you suffer Normal Life Syndrome? Yeah, you know, the 'punch' some nut went WAY overboard with and spiked, not only with gigantor amounts of vodka and assorted liquors, but also with even gigantor-er amounts of sugar?
Yeah. That 'punch'.
Now, like I say, somebody -Batman, you know who you are- let those two, Superman and the Flash, a little too close to the 'punch' that, uhm, is Jonns right(?), so happily made for the party.
Needless to say, I-Carly didn't exactly get there on account of it registering the Justice League as an Insane Asylum.
Okay, we need to rap the explanation up. Care to do the honors?
Well, two hours after leaving the Justice League, it hit some poor reptilian monster on the head somewhere in Asia. Godzilla got pissed and threw I-Carly ALL the way over to, say, one inch away from him/her, and hit a cat named Fluffy. Fluffy had been plotting his suicide for quite some time, but still had enough time alive left to put I-Carly into his will as his co-conspirator.
Fluffy's co-conspirator decided to go traveling immediately after the death of Fluffy, which took like two seconds, and found Michael Jackson's teleportation pod somewhere in lower Europe. It then used the pod to go ALL the way over to Canada to visit Fluffy's long-since dead uncle's-brother's- mother's-friend's- roomate from highschool's- girlfriend's-nephew's-grandpa's-worst enemy, Fred. Fred be dead, so it go to Me-he-co instead.
Tito Hernandez found I-Carly yesterday and, despite his stereotype as a Mexican, sent I-Carly into space using big, big BIG amounts of stolen rocket fuel.
Unfortunately, the trajectory was wrong, so I-Carly instead landed in the local post office in Jump City.
All this damn time, though, nobody noticed the address on 'I-Carly':
Titans Tower, Jump City
6-7-08
You know, the big ol' island in the middle of the bay with a GIGANTIC T on it?! Yeah, that one.
The whole time the being known as I-Carly/the box, DUH!/ had been on Earth, it had never actually encountered such an insane roundabout way of getting to her/it's destination. This being had been around since damn near the biginning of time! It was the very reason the 'lost city' of Atlantis was 'lost'. It was the reason for nearly every WAR in history, every major violent act ever known! And yet it still was atounded by it's own randomizing capabilities.
Unfortunately, ever since three days ago, when his evil twin Crusty had shown up, Silkie had been battling his alien brother on the roof of Titan's Tower. They'd been battling for control of the monsters, clothing and candy alike, that resided in the cave we know as Beast Boy's room. The very second the box was deliviered and the mail ship left was actually the very moment that Silkie threw both himself and his mutant enemy over the edge of the tower.
Good thing they're mutant larvae 'cuz the fall should've killed 'em. But since they are mutant larvae/aliens bent on mustard consumption, they survived. Oh, well. Too bad I-Carly wasn't a mutant larvae/alien bent on mustard consumption.
As it so happened, I-Carly was crushed on the Titan's doorstep by two slightly slimy, wormy lookin' things that came out of nowhere. So much for I-Carly.
But all the same, the package was delivered, and the world almost would've physically trembled if it could have, for the weapon within was about to pick the next being that would wield it...
It was a paintball gun. Yes, I know, laugh it up.
But it was a very special paintball gun, one that never runs out of ammo, and, more importantly, one that pretty much grafts itself into the mind and body of it's wielder...
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Ironically, almost a split-second after two white-ish blurs passed the window, on a channel the Titans had previously vowed never to watch again, the show I-Carly came on. Nobody in the freakin' world noticed this one, so I'd think we're all safe for the next millenia, as long as none of the Titans went to the front door. Unfortunately, this was not to be so.
"Hey, Star, wasn't that Silkie that just dropped past the window?"
BB turned around in his seat once he didn't hear an answer, but quickly turned back around. Raven noticed this, or rather Beast Boy suddenly seeming to have a need to shut out all sound, smells and basically make himself not be able to see anymore. She knew she shouldn't have, but she asked him what was wrong, and he jerked a thumb over his shoulder.
Rae would remember this sight for as long as she lived, unfortunately. Geez, that word's poppin' up everywhere, ain't it?
Starfire had Robin in an EXTREMELY comprimising position, not to mention excrutiating. I won't go into details, but if I describe Robin's face, I may not have to, so here goes...
It was not the vision of pleasure in any way.
Okay, maybe submissive or... well, this thing is M rated anyway, so here goes.
You know all those practices we may or may not know as S&M? Or, you know, where the girl is supposed to be having the guy be all submissive and stuff like that? Torture ringing any bells?
Well, whatever it's called, thats exactly what Starfire was doing to Robin in the kitchen. Except, for some reason,Star seemed to have substituted the whips for maces and nobody seemed to be able to hear anything from either of the two, but that might have been because of the big glass box Cyborg had unwittingly installed around them in the kitchen.
Finally noticing the glares he was getting, at least from Raven and Beast Boy, Cyborg explained.
"Hey, it was either that or let their violent sex games torture your eyes and your ears, aiight?"
From the couch, the only green teen in the Tower sighed as yet another building imploded on itself in the distance from boredom. "Fine, I'll go get Silkie."
Robin, through a quick series of moves he himself knew weren't possible, managed to get Beast Boy to hear what he said next;
"Hey! Dont' forget my porn, it should be in the mail today."
Starfire heard this, and immediately beat DICK into a coma. Hmm, you might not quite understand that statement, but, you've got a gutter, go stick your head in it.
Garfield Logan was already out of the room, however, so when he got back dragging a mass of mutant larvae on top of a swamp-load of mail, he was wondering why, exactly, Star was now holding up a cardboard sign saying 'Help me hide the body, and your death will be quick'. Nobody bothered answering his obviously questioning looks, so the monsters in his room were surprised when they got a live feeding that day.
... Anywho, Robin was sitting over on the couch in a full-body cast, Raven was nowhere to be found, and Cyborg- well, Cyborg was jumping around like a hyped up cheerleader while Starfire tried in vain to out-perkiness the half-machine half-human.
Which left Beast Boy all by himself to a mountainload of mail, over half of which happened to be Robin's porn. And junk mail, but thats not important.
It was as if time itself slowed down and angels were calling out in emmaculate chorus. Finally, something to do, that DIDN'T involve him getting thrown into a wall or getting sent to an alternate dimension, or hit in the face with a Stankball, or-
Okay, fine, the list is endless, but that didn't stop him from jumping into the pile like was an Olympic swimming pool and he was in the Olympics. After the numerous magazines displaying half-naked-in some cases, fully-naked- women stopped falling around the living room, Raven appeared out of no where holding up a sign that said '666'. Seeing what was actually on the sign, she scribbled over it with Robin's cheap hair gel and wrote '9.9' instead.
This would not have gone unnoticed by Beast Boy had he not found a certain black sub-machine gun looking thing and picked it up. Needless to say, it immediately morphed into his molecular structure before he even got a good look at it and began the process of infiltrating his mind.
He took no notice of this either, however, as in the living room, Cyborg was standing on a giant box that proclaimed him 'offially too perky' and next to him, Starfire was standing on a much smaller box with a rain-cloud over her head.
"Oookay, what the hell just happened?"
Raven answered for him. "Cyborg put on a very pink apron that even Starfire wouldn't wear."
"Oohh..." BeastBoy said as if that explained everything. "Well, I'm goinna take these mags to my room and... go to sleep, so..."
That was the moment the alarm chose to go off.
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SO sorry for the lack of updatey goodness- I actually planned on updating like three weeks ago, but then I saw a bird, so... Oh, look, a bird!
(Two weeks later)
Anyway, tell me wassup with this chapter, and I'll give you a cookie! (NoticethatI'mcautiouslyavoidingtheupdatingsubject)
... Fine, and I'll update, happy now Mr. Rogers? No? What the hell do you mean by 'no?' Why I oughta-
You take care now. Oh, and if you happen to see a little button at the bottom of this page, click on it, please, and feel the orgasmic rush! And review when you get the chance (OR DIE!). ;D