Any Other Day
The HP universe belongs to JKR.
Warnings: This contains character deaths, homosexuality, and suicide.
As I stared down at the lifeless body of one of my best friends, I wondered if I would have been able to do anything to stop it. I leaned down to touch his arm, and for a second, it felt warm. Inside me there was such a surge of hope, a bound of joy that this wasn't the end – it was a burst of light, of a new star being born.
But it was a rush that lasted for only the shortest buzz of a dying bee. Of a wave crashing to the shoreline, as they all do in the end. And as waves are forsaken by gravity, so was I. The warmth left and I fell to the ground, helpless. Tears finally made their way into my eyes. As they welled and spilled over I wailed my laminates to the laughing gods above.
People who I knew and grew up with rushed to my side and took me by the elbows, trying to hoist me back up. I threw them off so hatefully. They didn't understand. Nobody understood – how could they? They weren't standing over the dead body of their best friend, one whom they had known since they were eleven. Then his mother and father appeared. His mother with her sparkling eyes crying out for her lost son "REMUS! REMUS!" The over spilling tears. I cried into my friend's chest, my eyes felt like they would fall out –I wanted them to, I wouldn't be able to see his corpse then.
"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" That voice sounded so familiar. How, where was it coming from? Oh . . . my throat was beginning to hurt . . . . "WHY HIM? WHY NOW?" My body was on fire, and neither the pelting rain nor the Muggle pedestrians who had been drawn to the scene were helping. Somebody had tilted my head up to look at me, they were saying something. But my vision was hazy, my breathing was bordering erratic, and all I could think about was him. Him.
" Sirius!" That's what the voice was saying – they must be speaking to me. My head snapped to the right as a sharp stinging sensation hit my cheek. I raised my eyes to lock with the soft brown ones of his father. The tears flowed harder than ever. They were the same as his son's. His deceased son's. My deceased friend's.
"Get a grip on yourself, Sirius," that same stern voice was saying. I felt rough hands gripping my shoulders, so hard that I let out a pained hiss. The hands stayed fast as ever. I felt them begin to drag me away.
"NO!" I heard myself scream. "NO YOU CAN'T TAKE ME AWAY FROM HIM! MOONY, I'M SO SORRY! NO, HE NEEDS ME! I PROMISED! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME AWAY!" My arms were flying forward; I was struggling, trying with all of my might to escape back to my werewolf. My grey eyes flew around, searching for a friendly face amongst the crowd. They found his again. And those ones were so understanding, so worried and anguished that the tears began anew. They flowed so freely – it was like soaring right into a flaming pit of lava.
I broke free and sprinted back to his body. I held him close, so close . . . just like I had after every full moon, after he heard about his grandfather's death, after his first girlfriend broke up with him. And now again, at the end of everything that we had been through together. I didn't mind that my best jacket would be ruined forever from the gushing rain. I didn't mind that my favorite pair of jeans would forever be stained by his pouring blood. And they were yanking at me again. I was on my feet now, and I was fighting again.
My eyes turned upward to pierce the morning sky. "WHY YOU BASTARD? WHY, WHEN YOU KNEW THAT I LOVED HIM? WHY WHEN YOU KNOW THAT I STILL LOVE HIM!"
And I went limp in my captor's arms. I silently watched as the medics put him onto a stretcher and covered him with a thin white cloth before hoisting him into their ambulance. And I watched as the car sped off to the nearest hospital. It was at that moment that I finally blacked out.
I was sipping my morning cup of coffee just like any other day when Sirius's barn owl flew in through the kitchen window. I picked up the letter that he dropped in front of me with curiosity. In shaky, blotchy print it said:
Yup, it was Sirius alright. Well who else could it be? I reprimanded myself sourly. Remus wasn't Sirius's flat mate anymore, not since the fight that they'd had last weekend. He'd moved out that day, gone to live with his parents above their pastry shop in his hometown. But the messy handwriting was unusual for the Marauder; he liked everything to be neat and organized odd as that seemed. I tore open the envelope clumsily, expecting the worst.
I took one look at the first line and knew that I would have to force myself to keep reading. "Oh fuck no, please no!"
I reached the end of the paper and dropped it onto the kitchen table.
"Lily, I-I'm going to go check on Sirius . . . I'll be right back."
Her smiling face appeared around the corner. She was trying to get an earring in. "Alright sweetie, send him my love." She didn't notice my trembling.
I left by Floo, not trusting myself with Apparition after what I read.
As soon as I fell into his chimney, I sprinted to his bedroom. I only got as far as halfway down the hallway . . . when I got there I retched. And I retched. And I saw it mix with my tears. I looked up at his calm white face hanging by that thin rope and felt myself sway and flicker.
"How could this be happening to me?"
And there you have it, that's what happens when I suffer from writer's block and an overly agitating family. Thanks for reading, and any sort of feedback would be appreciated – even if it's negative.