Wow, I haven't written a Storm Hawks one-shot in forever. Almost a year, isn't it? Wow. Well, this is a little more emo than my usual, but it's not all seriousness. The character's opinions on love and homosexuality and whatever are their opinions, not mine.

This was also my first crack at Stork. He's a tough cookie. I might have to try again with something else...

EDIT: BTW, this is very much NOT in conjunction with any of my past one-shots. So, cross-referencing is a no-no. However, feel free to check them out, there are a lot!


Good Advice

It wasn't a crush.

It wasn't a crush because he wasn't like that. Finn did not brood over attractive people. Girls flitted in and out of his head faster than flies flitted on and off old hotdogs. Nothing stuck.

It wasn't a crush because he had talked to Stork about it, and Stork had explained that these sort of feelings were actually a weird hormonal phase that everybody went through-even he, Stork, had gone through it-in which one mistook feelings of admiration or jealousy for feelings of love, and this fit because Finn admired Aerrow very much and was very, very jealous of him.

It wasn't a crush because that would mean that Finn was into guys, and Finn had never given another guy a second glance because he honestly felt that nobody could even begin to compare to…

It still wasn't a crush because Finn definitely liked girls, and dating girls, but never when Aerrow was around because Aerrow didn't approve and Finn was afraid that secretly Aerrow might be interested in him too and seeing him with girls would just turn him off.

It especially wasn't a crush because Finn couldn't imagine it going anywhere, and the very idea of Aerrow approaching him in that interest made him really nervous and…hot…

It couldn't be a crush because even if Aerrow had approached him about it, somebody like Dark Ace or Piper would get jealous and intervene and Finn didn't have the spine to deal with either of them, and you were supposed to get braver or something when you were in love, right?

He ended up talking to Stork about it again.

"So, theoretically I could like somebody," said Finn, "And theoretically they could like me back, right?"

"Anything's possible," Stork said agreeably.

Finn frowned. "I really don't appreciate you using that tone when I'm being totally serious, dude."

"I humbly apologize."

"Yeah. You'd better. But the whole thing would be pointless since it would never work out because people would be all jealous and like, "Ooh! Why are you wasting your time with him, Ae…Random Theoretical Date Person! You could go with me!" And then they'd go, "Finn, you'd better get the hell away from Random Theoretical Date Person because he…she…they are totally mine!" And I couldn't do anything, because you said I have serious confrontational issues."

"Just because I said so doesn't make it true," said Stork. "Incidentally, it is true, but that's just my opinion. You're free to disagree. You'd be wrong, but you're still free to do so."

"Right," said Finn. "So that means it's not, like, love."

"I already told you it could be a phase."

"So, what, all ga…love, with anybody or whatever, is just a phase? Like, theoretically?"

"How about we ditch the theoretical and you just tell me what's going on?"

"How about you shut up and give me some good advice like you did before?"

"How about you get a life and make decisions for yourself?"

"How about you follow up on your advice before I get my crossbow and shoot a vegetable up your-"

Stork held up his palms in surrender. "I'm not saying that all love is just a phase, straight or gay or whatever. Just…lots of people have a space of time where they think they're gay, but eventually they realize they're not, they were just curious. And some of them stay gay. It's a personal choice."

"Right."

"Of course, there's always the third possibility."

"Third possibility?" Finn leaned in towards Stork. "You never mentioned a third possibility."

"I didn't want to scare you. You seem easily scared."

Finn stared at him for a long second before asking incredulously, "Did you just say that I'm the one who is easily scared here?" Stork shrugged. Finn shook his head. "The third option is?"

"The Worms of Homisnophilipederastidia are eating away at your innards. And as they chew, poison leaks from their gums and infuses into your bloodstream, messing with your hormones and other influences to convince you to lust after strange subjects."

"Right. Yes. How could we forget the Worms of Homnipo…idia."

"Indeed. I should have told you before."

"Yeah."

They stared at other parts of the room for a while before Stork finally said, "Look, have you even tried talking to…Random Theoretical Date Person?"

Finn shook his head vehemently. "That would ruin everything. It would make everything so weird. I might even have to quit the Storm Hawks."

"Well, don't do that," Stork said quickly. "We need an idiot to play off of."

Finn slumped in his seat. "That's probably all they see me as, anyway."

"I don't think Aerrow would take it badly if you just took him aside and explained your problem to him."

Finn's gaze snapped up. He swallowed hard and said, "Who said anything about Aerrow?"

Stork snorted. "Well, let's consider this for a second. You've been asking me about gay relationships, which means it's not Piper unless there's something she hasn't been telling us. It's not Junko, because there's no way anyone could be jealous of him. It's not me, because you came to me for advice. Unless you're into bestiality, it's not Radarr. Who does that leave?"

Finn glared at him for a second before saying, "That's a totally cold thing to say about Junko! Who says I don't admire him? He's hella strong, and way, like, smooth and deep and stuff-"

"Finn, please cut the home-girl ebonics before I have to hurt myself. It's just painful to listen to." Stork gazed at the other boy, considering. "So you thought you were being "hella smooth" and secretive about it or something."

Finn let his face fall into his palms. "Am I really that obvious?"

"Well, I have never noticed you drooling or anything, but…yeah."

"Do the others know?"

"Not that I am aware of."

"If you tell anybody…"

"Finn, say that again. I dare you."

Finn looked up, and realized Stork was glaring at him. Not sarcastically, even, but really and truly glaring at him. He winced. "I was harsh?"

"You can go somewhere else for your stupid advice if you want any," Stork replied coldly. He turned away and began fiddling with aerial devices.

"Stork-"

"In fact, forget the advice and just go address your stupid problem before it becomes an actual problem."

"Stork, I'm sorry." Finn pushed his chair so he was alongside the Merb. "Okay?"

"I don't know what you're hanging around here for," Stork said coolly. "I've imparted all the wisdom I have on the subject. Shoo."

"That's cool, but I'm sorry. I know I can trust you."

"Finn, I'm working."

"Stork, I need to hear some kind of acknowledgement. I'm sorry."

"I heard you the first fifty times!"

"Thank you! That's what I needed to hear!" Finn leapt up from his chair, but then stopped. "So now what?"

"Go talk to Aerrow!"

"But I have confrontational issues!"

"Then wallow in your insecurities like the rest of us!"

"But I don't want to!" Finn whined.

"Well, if somebody makes a move on him before you do, don't come crying to me. Especially don't come crying to me!"

Finn stared at the Merb's back. "Dude, are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"I have no idea what I'm saying. Go away."

"But dude-"

"Look, all I'm saying is that Aerrow is in high demand, and if you don't make a move, someone else is going to," Stork shot a meaningful look over his shoulder.

Finn raised his eyebrows and was about to say more, but then Piper walked in and asked Stork if he needed help with the coordinates, and Finn took the opportunity to scuttle off.

Piper smirked as she watched him go, and turned back to Stork. "So, how did it go?"

"I may have been a little harsh," Stork answered vaguely. "I don't know. Push came to shove. He thinks I'm gay now."

"As long as it makes him make a move. We can explain it to him later." Piper rested her chin in her hands and grinned at the Merb. "Thanks. That was sweet of you to do."

"It wasn't sweet," said Stork. "I just did it because you asked."

"I know," said Piper. "That's why it's sweet."

She sauntered out, and Stork sighed at the helm.