Dedicated to my late father's 1 year anniversary.

I miss you Daddy.

You left us so suddenly;

Left me in the dark

That day was suppose to be full of joy,

Yet it turned into sorrow…

Give me a reason why,

Why you left us a hole?

Why it made our family so cold?

You gave us warm home that would welcome us,

But we were blinded by our perception:

That this warmth would last forever.

Tears.

I don't want to cry,

It is weakness I don't desire

Because if I do that then...

Is better to be "Worthless" than to be "Weak"?

Is it the same?

Give me a way to be free

Tell me how

To not be a shell

Of whom I once was

I feel

But

It feels fake.

Just like music

I don't feel it

When I play

It's stifling everywhere

Can anyone help me? I, too wished for death

Yet

Bring binded be others was the

Only

Thing making me alive

That is why

Why death was not the answer

Because an easy escape is never

A good one

The words rang in my mind

"I'm sorry"

"We're sorry"

"Thank you for coming."

The same at everyone

In every language

People say this

But

It's always a painful reminder

Because it was so sudden

And at the same time not

That is why

I wished

You would,

You could comfort me father.

But I think it's too late,

I am already a shell

Is this why even the most cheerful of people

Are crushed by the fabric of reality?

Because believing dug a deeper hole

Is that why fantasy lured so many?

It wasn't the truth

It was bended by our will

It own choice of how it should be

The world should be

Because illusions gave us a way out

Not letting us be real

Because pain, sadness, and remorse

Are harsh emotions.

I wished for comfort for the entire year

I did not want to be weak.

Because me hugging is,

Is reassurance

I want to feel safe

Daddy

I want you back

I want to be the one who I was

Someone,

Who could express emotions freely,

Be a child that could live without fear.

I have lost many things,

Memories

Feelings

People

The shock made me forget all of it.

All of what I knew

All that I believed

I know nothing now

Because I forgot

How it felt

To be with

People and

My own emotions.

That is why depression hurts right?

We want an escape

Because reality hurts

So much.

I

Miss

You

Father

Daddy

I miss you daddy.

This is dedicated to my father who died a year ago. And these are my feelings.

-neuqam-tenshi (worthless angel)Latin, Japanese