Twenty-five Ways to Irritate Sven Vollfied

Disclaimers: I'll go ahead and do it all right now: I do not own any of the Black Cat characters. There, I did it. Why is Ms. Kreatopita not working diligently on the other stories, you ask? Let's say she needed a break, but that the fourth Black Cat Folly is almost done and should be out very, very soon!

Twenty-five Ways to Irritate Sven Vollfied

Steal his cigarettes.

Wave a stack of 100 bills in his face.

Better yet, burn them in front of him.

Replace his smokes with bubblegum cigarettes.

Sign him up for a twelve-step program.

Stick colorful flowers on his hat.

Dye his suit jet black, or if you really have a death wish, hot pink.

Ask him if green is his natural hair color.

Give him a senior discount whenever he shops, and announce it aloud. If he isn't fazed, tell him he's eligible for AARP.

Insist on calling him a "Sveeper."

Question him on his relationship to Eve, and shout "Pedophile!" regardless of his answer.

Chain him to a chair while you pig out at the buffet line.

Poke him in the vision eye.

Spray paint the words "porn stash" on his attaché.

Every five minutes, ask him how much in debt he is.

Remark that his cooking is worse than Tearju's.

Let Train play with that invention he's been working on endlessly for the past month and a half.

Put his hair in a ponytail. (Actually, that would be very hot!)

Ask him about his Code of Chivalry, and when he tries to answer, interrupt him by saying, "So that means you can't get laid?!"

Tell him he's pretty sexy for an old guy.

Give him a false lead in which he winds up going around town in circles for hours.

Request for him to foresee ridiculous things about your future (i.e. what you'll have for lunch tomorrow, whether or not so-and-so will ask you out).

Tell Train to go splurge on food.

Pester him about when he's going to bang Tearju.

Replace the contents of his attaché with a jack-in-the-box.