My hard time

Summary- As everyone starts to move on with their lives, JD's only gets worse. After a personal tragedy occurs, will people take notice of his rather strange behaviour, or will he have to suffer though the grief on his own?

Note- In this story Kim never moved or told JD she had a miscarriage. Takes place end of season 6.

Trailer- I made a trailer for this fic, if you're interested the link is clickable on my profile.

Chapter one- The beginning

They say a personal tragedy can bring people closer together but for me, well, that couldn't be further from the truth. My life went down hill the moment Kim's water broke and there was simply no one there to help.

Saturday 15th March 11.30 Pm

Making his way though the large park located on the outskirts of San Diego, JD couldn't help but stop for a moment to take in his surroundings. To his left was a small boating lake, the ripples in the water glistening with life as several white geese swam across the surface.

To his right was an open playing field where a group of teenagers were hanging about, shouting and laughing with glee as they goofed around the way only teenagers could. There was the familiar smell of freshly cut grass and all around him newly planted flowers were blooming in the mid morning sun.

Yet, perhaps most importantly, standing just a few inches away was Dr John Dorian's heavily pregnant girlfriend, her foot tapping nervously on the ground.

As he approached her, he slipped his hand into hers and led her towards an uneven dirt path, placing a soft gentle kiss on her lips in the process. They may have only met eight months ago, on one of the rare days Kim didn't wear her old wedding ring, but that didn't stop him from loving her with every ounce of his soul. He knew everything about her, from her favourite food right down to what her first grade teacher was called.

To them, it didn't matter that she had 'gotten knocked up' on their first official date or even that their friends and family thought they were being idiots for moving in together so quickly, even going as far as refusing to see their new home. At the end of the day all that really mattered was that they were in love and expecting their first child.

Kim was seven and a half months pregnant but by the size of her baby bump you would never have guessed. Compared to people like Carla and Jordan, her baby bulge was virtually none existent. Still they weren't bothered about it, the midwife had assured the couple that everything was developing normally, the baby was simply just smaller than most.

"How are you feeling?" JD asked as the two of them walked hand in hand across the grass heading down to the pond which they seemed to love so much. The afternoon sun was making the pasture glisten with life as birds chirped in the background. It was the first time they had seen each other in the last three days due to the insane shifts Dr Kelso, the chief of medicine, had put the two attendings' on.

"A lot better now I've seen you, although I'm still slightly tired and my kidneys are probably irreparably damaged, your kid sure can kick!" Kim replied as her free hand drifted onto her ever growing stomach. The dark haired man sniggered at that as he led the blonde over to a near by bench which overlooked the pool.

"Have you eaten much today?" He asked as he slipped his hand into his scrubs pocket, fiddling with the small object which lay inside.

"Still can't keep anything down!" She answered honestly with a shrug of her shoulders before looking up at her nervous partner in confusion. "Why did you want to meet here anyway?"

"Well, I just need to talk to you about something…" he said carefully as Kim slowly took a seat and stared up at him in wonder.

"What about? You're not breaking up with me are you?" She questioned as the hormonal paranoia kicked in once again. As JD vigorously shook his head, Kim tried her hardest to smile but instead a moan escaped her lips as her hand grasped at her stomach.

"Are you okay?" He asked instantly bending down on to his knees and looking up at Kim with nothing but concern in his eyes.

"Relax… I'm… I'm …fine, he just moved a little too quickly that's all..." She replied softly attempting to give him a reassuring smile, one that he noted did not quite meet her eyes. "Now what do you want to talk about?"

"Well…I know we haven't known each other very long, but with Sammy on the way and how much we seemed to have bonded over the last few months, well I was wondering…" He mumbled before placing his blue rucksack on the ground and reaching into his pocket. "Would you marry me?"

Kim's mouth instantly dropped as she watched JD pull a blue diamond ring from his pocket and gazed on in amazement as the sun hit the centre causing it to sparkle. As her lips slowly turned upwards she opened her mouth to reply, but as she did, she found that she just couldn't respond as her whole body suddenly convulsed, a ripple of pain shooting straight though her abdomen. She instantly groaned in pure agony and let out an ear piecing scream as cold liquid began to pour down her legs.

"Kim? What's wrong?" JD instantly yelled out as he jumped to his feet and placed the ring back in his pocket, before rushing to her side and placing a soothing hand on her shoulders.

"The baby…" She gasped out as she hunched over in pain, taking deep shaky breathes.

JD's eyes instantly widened as he placed a hand on her stomach and glanced down, but what he saw made his whole body freeze as he realised that the liquid oozing down her legs was blood….


I don't have much experience when it comes to pregnancy's, but as a doctor I knew that at seven months gone she shouldn't be in labour yet and with the amount of blood which was pouring out of her, something had to be seriously wrong.

2:15 PM

Sitting in the waiting room of St Mary's hospital JD anxiously fidgeted with his fingers as he glanced up at the clock for the fifteenth time since he had entered the building. After he'd seen the blood trickling down his girlfriend's legs, everything became a blur; all he really remembered was a passer by calling an ambulance and them saying something about an emergency surgery.

He seemed to have gone onto some sort of auto pilot after the ambulance had arrived, signing consent forms, filling in information about her medical history and so on, before being pushed into the chair he currently sat in, having no clue what was really going on.

He could still remember the day Carla had to have a C section and knew from that experience the surgeons were taking way to long to just simply cut Kim open and remove the baby, there had to be something more than delivering his son going on in that theatre for them to be in there for this amount of time.

He didn't even understand what was wrong with Kim, sure she had a few cramps recently but that was it, everything else pregnancy related had been fine and she had never mentioned anything to cause him any reason to worry.

Despite all the medical training he had, the thirty year old couldn't comprehend what was the matter and since he was the father, the doctors refused to let him near the room as they operated, a new rule they had apparently set up after a surgeon's wife had died.

Taping his foot on the wooden floor, the young doctor slouched back in his chair and started scratching at his arms, a nauseating feeling building up in his stomach.

2.21 PM

As time dragged on that horrible sickening feeling only grew more and more, until the brunette was almost certain he was going to throw up. He had never been so worried in his life, despite all the medical situations he had been in.

As a doctor, he saw these sorts of things all the time, witnessed the pure devastation in the family members eyes as they anxiously waited for news. Yet no matter how much empathy he had towards them, he could honestly say until now he never knew how deeply those people must have been affected. It literally felt like someone was cutting into his skin, slowly breaking each limb into tiny pieces that no one could possibly be able to repair. He felt like the ground was trying to swallow him whole and no one was around to pull him back out.

Despite this, for perhaps the first time in his life, JD was glad that none of his friends were around to 'support him' or what ever they called it. Despite the situation and how alone he actually felt he didn't want even his closest friend anywhere near him.

He had heard the words which came from their mouths' in the cafeteria the other day when he was taped to the ceiling. They were sick and tired of taking care of him and his problems and were actually praying he would grow up and stop acting like a child. If they had bothered to spend any time with him recently though, they would know he had changed a lot in the last six months.

He knew he used be a bit clingy and annoy them with his neediness, but never had he thought that they had all moved on so much that they were arguing about who would have to spend time with him when he messed everything up again.

He and Turk had been best friends for nearly fifteen years; to be honest he thought that that had meant something. But judging by what he had heard, the only reason Turk ever hung out with him was because he felt sorry for him, what he had said almost sounded as if they had never truly been friends.

2:26 PM

Getting to his feet, JD began pacing up and down the waiting room, moving at an unbelievable speed as he found himself completely uncomfortable in what ever he did; it was like his whole body insisted on moving all at once he just couldn't sit still.

Rubbing his hands together irritably he couldn't help the horrible thoughts going though his head, the little voice which told him that he would never see Kim or his son again, that the two people he loved most in the world were about to be taken away from him, and there was nothing he could do about it.

After another five minutes past, the brunette was almost certain he was going to be sick if someone didn't come and tell him something soon. All he could do was stare at the door in front of him, willing it to burst open and have Kim and Sammy wheeled in completely healthy.

There were a few other people in the room by this point, each of them waiting for news of some kind, like him, praying it wouldn't be of their loved ones' death. Yet he couldn't care less about their pain, he just wished they would all go away, leave his sight and stop looking at him like he was a mental patient ready to explode and kill them all.

2:35 PM

Glancing at the clock once more JD sighed and banged his head against the wall as he realised he had officially been standing in this room for two hours.

As he placed his hands in his pockets, he felt a small solid object inside and realised something else, she never got the chance to answer him! He didn't have a clue if they were engaged, whether they would be walking down the church with their new born son to get married or not?

He liked to think so, but the truth of the matter was he simply did not know and he had this horrible feeling that he would never get an answer.

Groaning in annoyance as he realised how out of control the situation was, he couldn't help but wonder if he was being put in this situation by a higher power, all because he and Kim had briefly considered having an abortion. Maybe, just maybe it was God's way of getting his own back. He had always believed in Karma, so maybe this was his. He had thought about ending his son's life before he was even born and now someone else was ending it for him.

"Dr. Dorian?" A small voice called out, causing the young man to abandon his pacing and look towards the doorway where an old man stood, a disorientated grim look on his face.

"Yeah…" JD said slowly, trying his hardest to convince himself that the surgeon was here to tell him everything was okay and his blood covered scrubs was due to a car crash victim and not his Kim.

"Maybe you should sit down."

At those words the thirty year old's blood ran cold and he rapidly shook his head. He had said those exact words to so many people over the years it wasn't even funny, and each time they were followed by one thing, death.

"I'm fine standing." He barely whispered as he tried to block out the horrifying thoughts which suddenly plagued his mind as he desperately searched the surgeon's face, trying to convince himself he had got it all wrong, that this was all some sort of nightmare and that he would awake from any second.

The man closed his eyes for a moment, almost reluctant to continue before he cleared his throat and forced an explanation from his voice box.

"Kim was obviously haemorrhaging which led to us having to perform the C section in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately we couldn't so we had to resort to a hysterectomy in order to try and save her. The muscles around her heart couldn't take the strain so we had to open her up to put her on a bi pass," he began pausing for a moment to make sure the attending was still following.

"Right…" JD mumbled. His eyes slightly glazed over as if he wasn't even in the room.

"We were… unaware of the pre existing heart condition… I'm sure her mid wife would have informed her of the massive risk a pregnancy placed on her body. I'm so sorry but the pregnancy and labour put too much pressure on an already damaged aorta and as soon as she went on bi-pass… well she didn't stand a chance… Kim was pronounced dead at 2:31"

A single tear rolled down JD's cheek as he shook his head in response over and over again, unable or perhaps unwilling to accept the news he had just been given. Kim could not be dead, she just couldn't!

"No… she was fine, we were talking and she was fine…" He muttered as his legs started to wobble as he unsteadily took a few steps back, away from the man he could now see as some sort of grim reaper. It all had to be a mistake, Kim never once mentioned any problems with her heart, sure once or twice she had said she had spent a lot of time in the hospital as a teenager… but that was it!

"I'm sorry…" The man replied before taking a deep breath, knowing that despite the state the man was getting himself into he had to finish what he needed to say. "As for your son…" he began, causing JD to stop shaking his head and backing away and look at the man once more, having almost completely forgotten about young Sam. "He is obviously very premature and because of this his lungs haven't developed properly, he's alive but has been rushed into intensive care. His body is very weak and isn't strong enough to allow him to breath unassisted. As well as that his kidneys are barely working and he is at high risk of developing infection. I'm afraid that I have to tell you he has only a twenty percent chance of surviving more than a couple of days. I'll send a doctor through to take you to him in a little while."

With that the man turned to leave as tears began slowly falling down JD's face and onto the floor, this just couldn't be happening! It just couldn't all be true; he couldn't lose the love of his life and the one thing that connected them together the most, all in one day.

Running his hands down his face he took a few steps over to the bench before collapsing on to it and breaking down completely.