Author: Dear Spiderman,
Title: No Shipment Until Monday.
Disclaimer: Psych and all related trademarks – NBC, USA, and the alike – belong to their respective owners and I am not in anyway affiliated with the aforementioned companies. *frowns*
Teaser: First one to the check out gets the prize.
No Shipment until Monday
As far as Shawn Spencer was concerned, there was only one thing that could completely ruin a perfectly good day. There was only one thing that could spoil the perfectly blue sky and make it seem as if it were gray and threatening. There was only one thing that could change a warm summer's afternoon into a bitterly cold winter's night. This one thing, you ask? Not having pineapple. And that was exactly the case right now.
"What do you mean you don't have any?" Shawn argued.
The produce man adjusted his apron as he stacked a few more onions onto the display and tucked a deformed one into his pocket. "I mean, sir," he emphasized "sir" with such coldness that it sent a shiver even through his own bones, "that we don't have any pineapples right now. We loaded the last of our stock last night and they've sold out. As far as I know, we're not getting another shipment until Monday."
A gasp. A stutter. A half-scream. An aching pain in the chest.
"I can't possibly wait until Monday," Shawn spat back.
"Too bad," was the matter of fact reply – obviously not realizing the life or death situation that his potential customer was currently facing.
Another gasp, this time it showed even more shocked emotion.
"Let me tell you why I can't possibly wait until Monday," Shawn started. It sounded as if the produce man was trying to interject something sarcastic about not wanting to hear why exactly, but Shawn had already started his story. "The pineapple king is paying me a long awaited visit."
"I'm sure he is," the produce man answered in an even more monotone voice than his usually very monotone tone.
"I've been writing to this guy for years. I've sent him e-mails, letters, birthday cards, those gift baskets from Harry & David that come with a smoked meat. Finally he responded and told me that since I was so passionate about him and his work in the area of pineapples, that he would visit me. Now, if I don't have pineapples as the centerpiece of my table, I know what kind of pineapple fanatic he'll think I am – not one. He'll think that this is all a joke."
The produce man thought for a second, pondering the story that had just been told to him. "I guess the pineapple king got smoked meat for nothing then."
Searing pain. Smoke emitted through the ears.
"Did you just use sarcasm –" Shawn started to yell, but saw something out of the corner of his eye. Something yellow. Something with a nice, spiky green top. A few displays down, a mother with a toddler stood beside her carted child and examined the tomatoes. But inside said cart was the target – the last pineapple.
As sneakily as he could, Shawn got behind the cart and pulled the pineapple from behind the Lunchables. Just then, the mother looked up and noticed the pineapple thief.
"I hope you weren't planning on taking that pineapple with you," she said through clenched teeth.
"Why else would I be taking it from your cart? Do you really thing I like making habits of stealing from mothers? No, I don't," Shawn asked coldly. "But it's the last one and I'll do anything to have it. Now, unfortunately for you, it is in my hands and not in your cart."
With that, he took off towards the checkout counters where a teenage girl stood filing her nails. Right behind him was the mother whose eyebrows now had an upwards slant and her claws were emerging from folds of skin hidden on her fingers. "WERE YOU GOING TO STAND THERE ALL DAY OR WERE YOU GOING RING THIS UP?" Shawn yelled at the girl who couldn't have been less attentive to the scene around her.
"Oh, sorry," she muttered under her breath as she grabbed the pineapple and swiped it.
Shawn turned around and smiled at the woman. "The hero always gets the pineapple."
Written sometime during season 3. Takes place where ever your heart desires to put it – there's no time frame in the show where this would not fit.