Song it's only life by Kate voegele, which if ya listen we all need to really listen to time and again...

Anyway, basically it's a pretty ominous summary for this one...

:their lives

warning: Probably my delayed shot of angst and some language...c'mon we all love it...

Tears are forming in your eyes,


Dean ran like hell, skidded on his knees and caught Sam by his collar in a death grip, heart pounding in his ears, cracking, breaking, imploding...nonononononononono

Not Sammy...not now...nonoonononononononononono

Sam sagged against him, fingers finding numbness and limbs falling limp, cold began seeping into his body and the lights started to flicker and explode into tiny dusty gleams in his eyes.

"Sammy...Sam..noooo...nooo." Dean begged, he sobbed he screamed out for Sam when those hazel lids shut, a door that wasn't opening again.

Dean's heart sank, it spiked with fear and blame, loss and ache. This wasn't couldn't

a storm is warning in the skies,

the end of the world it seems,

Dean's world crashed around him, thunder echoed loudly in the background and the ground shook like his very heart, his mind flashed back to Sam's grunt of pain, tense posture then he fell...

you bend down and you fall on your knees,

well get back on your feet ,yeah,

When Dean wrapped his arms around Sam, around the hope he was still...alive, because he couldn't be gone, it just wasn't an option, how could he go on if...if...

Dean couldn't face this, nothing ever this big, this bad broke him and a piece of him died with Sam.

Oh god...Sam...he did die.

don't look away, don't run away,

baby it's only life,

don't lose your faith, don't run away,

it's only life.

They carried Sam's body into the backseat and for fucks sake Dean couldn't stand the word 'body'...because it was Sam, not just anyone...not just anyone had died.

But Dean couldn't just leave, it's not one of those things you can bury and not think about the consequences...he wasn't going to bury him. Period.

Because Sam wasn't, and Dean could take care of this...but how? how the fuck could he?...why now?...why this? Why Sam?

you were always playing hard,

never could let down your guard,

you can't win, if you never give in,

Dean gave in long ago for Sammy, he let Sam be the kid he never was allowed to be, he let Sam be different and to shine in his own light, not be background rows for their father, or Dean...Sam was Sammy...and now...

Sammy was gone.

And Dean broke, he broke down, he let the tears consume him for hours staring at Sam and just letting the heartache and pain take over...

Just this once when Dean let the tears come...they didn't stop.

to that voice within, saying pick up your chin,

baby let go of it , yeah,

don't look away, don't run away ,

baby, it's only life.

don't lose your faith, don't run away,

baby it's only life.

He didn't even feel anything until he sat so close to Sam, when he'd usually hear him breathing, he heard no heartbeat and no life in his baby brothers body and that felt so wrong, Sam was supposed to be alive...just like their dad. Dean wasn't about to let himself feel like that again...Sam deserved better...

Dean knew what he had to do, what he had to give...the next thing he was driving to god knows where.

take your hesitance, and your self defense,

leave them behind, it's only life,

don't be so afraid of facing every day,

After Dean made the deal, he didn't feel any different, he didn't feel better like he thought he would...

Dread overcame him when he thought just for a second, maybe the demon lied...maybe all of this was a trick with his emotions...maybe Sam was still...

"Oh no..."

Dean sped back to their room, an offhand never used shack...Sam had to be alive.

Because Dean had tried so hard.

He couldn't fail again.

just take your time, it's only life,

I'll be your stepping stone, don't be so alone,

"Sammy..." breath caught in his throat, Sam was alive...he was walking, he was up... "SAM!"

Dean grabbed his brother close, felt the heat and life beat beneath his hands as Dean held him, everything was right again...he could feel it.

just hold on tight ,it's only life,

oh...don't look away, don't run away,

Dean didn't let go until Sam coughed and gasped as the still raw pain in his back.

"Dean?" He wheezed and Dean thought it was the most wonderful sound...

Wheezing was okay, wheezing meant pain but at least there was pain to be felt...felt by something alive.

baby it's only life,

don't lose your faith, don't run away, baby, it's only life (repeat),

it's only life, it's only life,

don't look away...

On the drive over to Bobby's Dean had never felt so good, his brother was back, everything was okay and he even had the car, rock tracks on in the background, even Dean got the flash of dimples when he pulled a joke and the warm flutter he felt when Sam smiled at him and said:

"Thanks Dean...for getting me out of this one, I know it had to be rough..."

Dean nodded, although strained. "Yeah...but you know I'd do anything for ya' Sammy...nothing bad will happen to you...again, anyway."

Dean grinned. A strong sadness in his eyes.

And just like that, their lives were back on...


Look out for another song and fic next time.