A Glimpse of Misery
She stares out the window and watches as her life comes to an end. She watches as the red and blue lights rotate and cover everything in an eerie, dream like way. As the men in uniform take away the last person she has, she turns away. She can't sit and watch as the last person to care about her is lifted into the white van. She can't figure out how this could happen, how God could leave her alone to face a world she has never seen without that buffer. A world that she has no idea how to face and conquer.
She just sits there and stares as she finally realizes that she is alone in the world. Her mother was gone and she had no one left. A mother lost. The mother, who was the last to love her and the last to care. So young to be alone, still in college and left to take care of a younger sibling on top of that. She sat and stared into space feeling as if the world rested on her shoulders. She felt as if she fought daily to save the world but when it came to her own family she couldn't. She was still frozen in shock days later as friends and family gathered around the two sisters as they put their mother to rest.
As her sister pulled farther and farther away, she saw nothing she could do. She felt as if she couldn't feel, as if she was completely numb. As her sister cut classes and skipped school, she was forced to be the mom when all she'd ever been was the cool older sister. It was on a dark night, when she would usually be out hanging with her friends, that it finally hit her. She was standing at the bottom of the stairs and watching as her younger sister passed back and forth in front of her.
"It's as if you don't even care that our mother is gone."
"How can you say that? Of course I care. "
"Then how can you sit there and act as if nothing has happened? Have you even cried yet?"
"How can I cry when I've been too busy trying to take care of you and be strong?"
"Sis, you don't have to take care of me or be strong."
"Of course I have to be strong, if I'm not then who will take care of us? "
"We can take care of each other."
"I just don't understand how this could happen. I can save the world but not my mother."
"This was not something you could fight. This was something neither of us could stop."
"I just wish she was here to tell me what to do."
It was then that she finally let the tears that she had been holding back flow down her face. Her wracking sobs were so pronounced that it was as if she was struggling to breathe. Which if you saw her wasn't hard to believe. She was bent over as if in extreme pain, her sister's arms wrapped around her trying to comfort the strongest person she knew. She felt as if her heart was trying to beat out of her chest. She fell asleep in her sister's arms and when she awoke the next day the world was a little brighter and she finally felt as if she could breathe. She knew she would never forget the woman who gave her life, but she also knew that if she didn't start to live again soon she would also lose her sister and she knew she couldn't and wouldn't live through that.