Well I'm alive. For those who care, all my other stories that I'm working on are slowly moving forward. I emphasize slowly.
The tales of the stupid Nod commander.
By the good dr.
There once was a Nod commander, set on attacking a Steel Talons base. He saw no need to attack the Steel Talons base with the especially powerful Avatar upgraded with a flamethrower. No, he decided to attack with an army of infantry. First he built large amounts of fanatics, and had them run through the large Tiberium deposit in the center of the map, killing half of them. The survivors continued to the enemy base running with their hands in the air. They were instantly mowed down by the two watchtowers upgraded with AP ammo.
"No, my perfect plan has failed!" Kane yelled as he watched his idiot commander attack the lightly defended base. "Good thing he has the Black Hand under his control."
After sending three more waves of fanatics, the idiot commander decided to start using the Black Hand troopers, and have them walk around the Tiberium field. All twenty Black Hand squads were brought down by a previously unseen trio of sniper squads that had been sent from the ZOCOM base that the idiot commander didn't care about. To say the least the idiot commander was about to give up hope, but then he remembered something he had learned from reading how to be a Nod commander for idiots "always rush with hundreds of militants." He built hundreds of squads, and then sent them to attack the ZOCOM snipers. The three sniper squads, realizing that they did not pack enough ammo, called in Hammerheads to pick them up. Just like their GDI counterparts, the militants were too stupid to aim their guns up and shoot the helicopters. Needless to say the militants died looking stupidly at the sky.
"How did that not work? This book says that always works! I should know I wrote it and made it mandatory reading for every Nod commander!" Kane shouted in disbelief. "These enemies have skills I have never seen before; I am authorizing you to use the most deadly weapon in our infantry arsenal… I am granting you the ability to reawaken the militants who have just died as cyborgs. I call them the awakened!"
The sniper squads, now in the Hammerheads drinking several gallons of hard liquor to celebrate looked down in disbelief as the dead militants got off the ground looking now like big cyborgs. They then proceeded to rekill the cyborgs that were just as stupid reincarnated as they were when they were first alive.
"I know I'll send in an army of Saboteurs. They'll never see it coming." The idiot commander exclaimed at his epiphany. The Steel Talons commander, realizing that he could not fend off an army of Saboteurs, decided to send out one combat engineer with a suitcase full of ammo to an empty foxhole right outside the enemy base. The idiot commander, realizing that these Saboteurs were all he had left, told them to go attack the foxhole. The Saboteurs casually walked up to the foxhole, while a few were hit by pistol fire. They just stood outside the foxhole, being shot to death and not moving an inch. The idiot commander surrendered three hours later when the combat engineer finally killed the last saboteur.
Well yeah, I kind of had to make some sort of story to this, otherwise it would probably be against cite rules. So in case you were wondering, this is why I hate Nod infantry.
signed the good dr.