Zettai Draco! (Absolute Draco!)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

Sasuke: This is Part One to a side story to before the blond wonder lost his mind and made a mad dash to Japan (In the fic that nobody reads called Pajama De Ojama). It basically explains what he experiences during the up rise of Shojo Manga, weird bishonen filled anime and eventually dojinshi spawning from the Manga and Anime that so happens to resemble him called Draco in Love. (By complete COINCIDENCE mind you)

Sera: Yeah…seems though that no one really likes this random Mysterious Play

Sasuke: …that has nothing to do with Fushigi Yugi…really you are on a total Watase/HP jig you know that?

Sera: I am aware of the fact, yes.

Sasuke: So here it is the next exciting installment of Draco's Lament…or the next installment of the weird one shots that have to do with him.

Sasuke: …You're a real moron…

Sera: …You're a real Sasu/Naru lover behind the scenes…

Sasuke: ah… touché…

"May I ask what this is?" Draco snickered at the shivering girl sitting at the very back where his favorite teacher stood looming eerily at her side holding something that she had apparently been immersed in. Usually when Snape did things like this it meant that Draco would undoubtedly have a good day. A good day to hang around the girlfriend, tease her idiot brother and possibly get away with copping a feel though that had yet to be successful.

Hey, Draco was no villainous cur, he was no sick pervert with ulterior motives where it came to Ginny but-he was a determined hormonal teenage boy. That was excuse enough for his actions. To him and the rest of the male population minus the red headed ones anyway.

But back to the drilling that the uncomfortable girl was getting, a Hufflepuff apparently, who looked like she smeared red paint onto her cheeks. Ah yes, the humiliation was lovely.

However, when Snape snapped the book opened (Draco noted that it was a manga by the cover) Draco had not expected Snape to do the following: Stare wide eyed, sputter something ineligible, and stalk out of the room glancing back at Draco (his eyes twitching) and Harry (his eye twitching even more) and slamming the door shut.

'What was that about?'

Pansey whom stared at the book answered his internal monologue, she was rifling through it, before she…even now Draco had nightmares, squealed loudly.


Another girl stood immediately bringing out her own hidden book squealing loudly as well. Draco's ears stung.

"I let her borrow that copy! You have no idea how hard it is to get Hard Yaoi!"

"Nani? So that group is actually doing Dojinshi now?"

"Hai! They're calling themselves Clock Work Drarry."



While Draco stared on at the exchange that every girl was apart of now, he wondered if he was losing brain cells he decided that enough was enough. Standing and slamming his palms hard on the surface of the table he addressed the blushing girls with cold eyes.

"You're not JAPANESE! Stop with the HAI's, NANI's and DESU's! It's ridiculous!" He sighed. "And what the hell is a Clock Work Drarry?"

Their eyes landed on his form, every male within the room shrunk back into the desks fearing slightly for their lives. They knew-oh they knew what was occurring. It seemed that Draco had been slow on his odd recent shift in popularity. Not that anyone of the guys would have said a word. It would have disturbed the 'natural order' of things that the girls had set about.

The poor bastard.

"Nani? Draco-Sama?"

"It's Draco."


"No honorifics."


"Changing honorifics wont get it right?"


"Now you're just being silly."

The girls simultaneously giggled their hands coming up to hide their mouths as they stared at him. He was lost, the reason for their giggling going right over his head. He noted that their eyes were shimmering-he wondered what they were thinking. (I'll give you a peek into the girl's POV: Shinny cliché shojo effects in the background with a dramatic close up of his face with a flowery background. His blond almost white starlight hair shinning as it flowed slightly from a wind that held no reason for blowing seeing as they were in a room…)

A girl stepped forward, small in stature. Her gossamer blonde hair tide in a long braid down her robed covered back shined, her bright brown eyes peeking up from her blond lashes and rounded glasses. If Draco were anyone else he would have blushed at the utter and total docile cute like creature approaching him-but he didn't.

Her small hand held out a book to him, one of the comics that the girls were fawning over. She smiled up at him. "Malfoy-San perhaps if you read this you'll understand."

He took the book, staring at a pretty boy drawn on the cover with cat ears. It didn't take a genius to realize that the drawing was a very feminine depiction of Potter pouting in what he assumed should be a cute fashion. He flipped the book opened and scanned a few pages.

'Potter a cursed neko…what the hell is a neko? …blah blah blah…sold to Oh! Sold to the Malfoy family…blah blah blah…wow do they really think I am that girly? Why are my eyes so uncaring and narrowed? Do I really look like that…blah blah blah…Well…what? No No NO! I would not tie Potter to my bed! I would not probe him with my wand! Don't you dare Japanese Influenced drawing Me mount over him! Oh GOD why is there a close up of Potter's puckered hole? Why oh why am I…NO NO NO DON'T PUT THAT IN THERE! WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THAT IN THERE?!'

He threw the book across the room as though it were acidic. He stared wide-eyed at the girls who laughed harder while the boys in the room stared shocked.

"What the hell was that?"

He was ignored as the girls began to speak.

"Oh? That was inspired by Maki Murakami's Gravitation MegMix Kumaguro style really hardcore! Can you believe Clock Work Drarry were inspired by the explicitness of it?"

"I know! I can't wait for the next issue of Magical Neko-Chan!"

"Or The Slytherin Prince's secret!"

Insane…the lot of them.

That was what every boy there thought.

"DEAR GOD YOU PERVERTS!" Harry yelled apparently having opened the thrown comic-it landed by his feet. He looked at the girls with equal confusion and disgust. "Who wrote this?"

"Clock Work Drarry." Pansy said.

Harry shook his head. Draco decided to find his voice again and talk for Potter who looked close to retching. "We know that but…who exactly are Clock Work Drarry?"

There was silence amongst the girls, hushed almost ominous. Ron sneezed.

"We don't know."

"Then how do you get these things?"

"A source."

"Who's the source?"

"We can't tell you."

'We're running around in circles!' Draco wanted to slam his head against the wall…or maybe theirs.

"All we know is that their leader is among the Hufflepuff."

"Hufflepuff?" Harry asked composing himself. "Then they must be stopped!"

Draco nodded in agreement-though he hated Potter he'd putt the utter loathing aside. They had a common enemy that needed to be destroyed.

"No Potter they must be destroyed…" Harry and the rest of the young men looked at Draco. "Men-first it begins with Potter and I. Who's to say that it shall not be you who will grace the diluted fantasies of these girls's minds? Drawn in strange and totally impossible positions licking and sucking and kissing someone of the same sex. As I speak now I try to forget the vivid imagery of what I had witnessed but the memory wakes up screaming. I, my good men, am scarred for the rest of my life…if we do not ban together to destroy Clock Work Drarry then whose to say it wont be you (he pointed at each of the guys) who are the target of their strange and perverse homosexual longings in the future?"

There was whispering amongst the boys, murmuring that made the fan girls quite nervous before Hermione stood sighed loudly.

"Who cares? They're only comic books what's the harm?"

Harry gapped as Draco's head made a neck braking turn in her direction molten silver lava emulating from his eyes like the pits of hell themselves.

"Were you slow as a child? For Merlin's sake woman it's...it's slander!"

"Slander? Really now?"


"I don't think so."

"Well what if it were you depicted in a perverted slave and master lesbian relationship with someone like Pansy? What if it were so graphic it put pornographic videos to shame but the sheer audacity of it?"

Hermione laughed quite amused as she collected her books and made her way-along with the fan girls to the door, class was obviously over.

"That's idiotic."

Draco's eyes narrowed, he shook his fist at her retreating form.

"We'll see…we'll see…"

In a dark room hidden within the castle a girl handed in the finishing touches of her work. She smiled her blue eyes shimmering at the perfection of her work and her teammates work. I had been a long coming-the one shot but totally worth it.

"Here is the last page Sensei. I hope that you are pleased."

A figure smiles, perfect lips curling back show two rows of white teeth.

"Thank you, Lu-Chan, I am sure they are adequate."

"Sensei, this manga…is it perhaps too graphic?"

Sensei laughed a pleasant deep baritone. A male apparently. (Go figure).

"No. There is nothing too graphic in showing love. (Yeah right)

"Hai." Luna departed back to her worktable delighted now that Sensei had praised the quality of their work.

A girl hidden in shadow, her brown hair lit slightly from candle light appeared in front of Sensei's table and bowed, her eyes down cast.

"Sensei, there is a problem."

"Mi-San, what is it?" He asked leaning forward his rich auburn hair shimmering.

"The boys have decided to find out who we are. They plan on destroying us."

Sensei leaned back in his chair and hummed slightly obviously thinking hard. He laughed; it wasn't a kind laugh either. It was cold and cool and calculated. He smirked making Mi-Chan, who had lifted her head shiver. He leaned forward.

"Then we shall merely hasten the production of our manga…and make other much more colorful pairings."

"But why?"

"We wait for them to retaliate then we send the mass produced manga not only all over Hoggwarts but to the rest of the schools…perhaps even into the hands of Muggles. The boys will have no where to hide…everyone will know their names, faces and apparent lovers…even the toys they 'like'. With that we will come out victorious. And if they do not retaliate then we just send the manga to the girls on our fan listing as a preview to our next work."

Mi-Chan stared proud yet slightly disturbed at Sensei. If the boy's retaliated and did anything too hasty-like she knew they would-then all of them would suffer.

"You understand, don't you Mi-Chan?"

Hermione nodded, her lose slightly frizzy hair hanging awkwardly at her sides as she stared at Sensei.


She completely understood.

Sera: Chapter two is longer and much more involved with Clock Work Drarry. The guys are gonna wish they never grouped together.

I made Hermione one of them-it was just too easy. Also, review with whom you think the master mind Sensei is…I bet some of you might get it…but most of you probably wont. The next chapter reveals Sensei…I hope you can hold out till then.