6A/N: Don't own anything! :D
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Sirius sat in the common room with a scowl on his face, it was Saturday, a Hogsmeade weekend and James and Lily were out on a date. Even Peter had a date, with a Ravenclaw, but a date nonetheless. And Remus. Remus John Lupin, HIS Remus John Lupin was on a date as well. With Natashia Greengrass. It was a slutty name, Sirius just knew she was a slut. Had to be one! How dare she take out his Moony? Angered beyond belief he decided to take a hint from Lily; she had once told him to write his feelings down. And what better a way to show Moony how wrong his date was then by writing him a story?
When Cycles Align OR Why Moony Could Never Be With A Woman
By: Sirius Black
Every girl knows what if you live with another girl(s) for long enough your cycles began to sync. This generally means hell for the male population at Hogwarts. Most belief they'll be rid of it when they leave. Most are right. But, there is one boy in particular who could never live with a woman, for he had his own monthly cycle, and his own hell. If the two were ever in combination, it would go something like this:
Remus groaned, his entire being aching, it was the night before the full moon and he could feel his muscles and bones begin to tighten, he wasn't changing yet but his body was preparing itself, and he was so tired. And she was so annoying.
"So, in conclusion Remus, you can't possibly be complaining about a little bit of work during the week when all day I have to deal with this Amos fellow who couldn't be more..."
Remus tried to keep his eyes open, knowing that shutting them wouldn't shut out her voice, and that it was likely she might start screaming instead, or if he was particularly unlucky, she might determine that he hadn't been listening and start over. He'd been 'listening' for almost three hours now. 'I just want some sleep, Sirius was never like this before a full moon, he'd always cater to me...'
And, then the unthinkable happened, she switched modes. As if out of nowhere Natashia Greegrass began bawling her eyes out, her chest heaving up and down as tears streamed down her face, "Oh Remy! How inconsiderate am I! I never pay enough attention to you! I'm a horrible wife! How could you possibly stand to live with me?"
Groaning and gritting his teeth Remus rose up and pulled Natashia into his arms with the little strength he had. It was going to be a long night indeed.
The next day, was so far beyond hell it was impossible to compare. Remus felt like utter and complete crap, not only had Natashia 'reorganised' his books, commanded him to make her breakfast, which she didn't eat, and lunch, which wasn't good enough, but had also, this was a hard one for Remus to even say. Found, and consumed his entire stash of honeydukes chocolate. They were closed today; he
was now officially out of luck. Unbelievably he found himself looking forward to his 'transformation' at least then he wouldn't have to deal with her. Oh, how wrong he was.
Moony howled at the moon, if there had been any other werewolves nearby they would have cringed in despair at how sullen and desperate he sounded.
"DON'T YOU DARE HOWL AT ME IN THAT TONES MISTER! YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH THAT COUCH MEANT TO ME! AND YOU CHEWED IT UP WITH NO REGARD FOR ANYTHING!"
Moony thought of Padfoot, loyal member of his pack, always up for a run, and most importantly he was so much calmer. And for the wolf to think of Padfoot, or any form of Sirius as calm, you know he'd been through a lot.
Satisfied with what he had written, Sirius smirked to himself as he made his way up to the dorm, dropping the story on Remus' bed. This was the perfect way to admit his feelings to him without actually saying anything; he knew his Moony would understand.