Drowning Pains

Doctor Who doesn't belong to me, believe it or not.

Much angst here. Basically, this is the 'missing scene' in Turn Left', showing the Doctor's thoughts whilst he dies.

500-ish words.

He's drowning.

He'd been drowning for some time already, of course, but in a very different way. This is drowning in all sense of the word; his lungs beg for oxygen; his mind washes dizzy and detached; the current is crushing his body.

So he waits for the pain that must surely arrive with it. He's here to welcome it. Half pleased there was no one to tell him to stop.

He waits.

But it doesn't come.

At least no pain that hurts more than that of what he is already experiencing – a pain he's been feeling for a long time now. But that's no pain that he doesn't already know.

Pain he already knows, and never stops, never numbs, tearing him apart.

His head spins, but the mind numbing dizziness that cries for oxygen – his starving brain screaming in his head – is not the one inflicting any hurt. It's not the pricking, pounding lack of rational thoughts, caused by the lack of air, which is causing the pain.

No, the pain comes, as always, when the pictures flicker through his head like a series of film excerpts; her smile; her laugh; her pout; her manic grin; her frown; her blush; her amused, but bewildered, expression.

And he can't just see her expressions either, but longer more elaborate details of scenes.

The first time they meet runs through in a long picture, in front of him, before his eyes. Hands entwined, hearts and footfalls beating in rhythm.

The look in her eyes – tortured, scared, determined, and yet so sympathetic and pitiful – stares at him through his mind, as she comforts the lone dalek at Van Statten's.

The glowing golden eyes of Bad Wolf, Rose hidden behind them, calling him her Doctor, is imprinting his thoughts.

Her laughter echoes in his head, as she jokes with Sarah Jane Smith.

Her tears trace lines down her cheeks as she says goodbye to Mickey in a parallel earth.

Her soft gaze on a young man's face, as she comforts Elton, after yelling at him moments before.

And at Torchwood, her hands on the lever, slipping, slipping away forever…

He calls her name even though he cannot talk.

His chest heaves and contorts in anguish that isn't caused by the lack of oxygen to his lungs. It's his hearts, torn broken as they are since she was sucked away from him.

She's staring at him. The curve upturning of her mouth, tongue between her teeth, pink cheeks, black eye outline around her shining brown orbs, blonde hair billowing around her face.

But she's fading. She's floating away, and he can't call out anymore because he's forgotten where he is. She's floating further and further until there's just her small golden light fading…

Then it all goes black.

Doctor… Doctor…

Someone's calling his name.


Someone familiar.


Her voice… is so real

He can see her now, and his hearts would burst if they were beating because it isn't just a memory.

She's here. In death, surrounding him.

He can feel her against him.

And he's happy.

Yeah, bit odd. Bit different from my usual stuff. I had to add that little ending bit because I wanted to make it… hmm, bittersweet? Anyway reviews are, as always, much loved. So… hated it? Liked it? Tell me as you wish please.