Author's note: Second year for Mr. Snape. So far he's made some not-too-good friends and is unconsciously and partly consciously pushing away his only true friend. Good times.
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My summer didn't go as well as I planned. Which is usually the case, but I was hoping that for my Lily situation, things would be different.

The first day of our holiday, I nearly tripped over my pants trying to get to Lily's house. It didn't help that my pants were a little too long for me. I finally got there and knocked on the door.

Her mother opened the door and smiled at me. "Hello dear. Are you looking for Lily?"

"Yes Mrs. Evans. Is she here?"

"Sorry dear, but she isn't. She and Petunia went to visit their grandmother for the week. I can tell her you came by though."

"Oh that's alright. I'll come by next week. Thank you."

I left feeling a pit in the bottom of my stomach. I had pushed her away with my hopes to fit in with a crowd that I could be myself with, but what I hadn't noticed was that I fit in with her just fine.

I waited a week, occupying myself with homework and reading textbooks. On the day I assumed she would return, I walked down to her house, following the same path as I had.

Once again, I knocked on the door and when it opened, my heart fluttered in its chest. Lily stood there, hands crossed over her chest. "What do you want?" And just as my heart had fluttered, it broke.

"I came to apologize for the way I acted this year. I was trying to fit in with the Slytherins because you had lots of Gryffindor friends and wouldn't have as much time for me. I guess I was just influenced by them, and not in a good way."

Lily's posture relaxed slightly. "I can understand that. You just didn't have to be rude about it."

"I know," I said, hanging my head slightly. "And that's why I'm apologizing."

The red-head smiled. "I missed you this year."

Those words, so soft spoken, and the slight tint of blush that painted her cheek made my heart leap higher than any time before. "I missed you too Lily."

She moved over to invite me in and I gladly made my way inside.

My summer went by so fast, with Lily and I reconnecting. We talked about our individual Hogwarts experiences, but I left out the secret meetings and the man they called the Dark Lord. It was a heavy burden I had to carry, but there was no way I could tell Lily about it.

I did tell her though of the interesting people I associated with during the year like Malfoy and Bellatrix. I also told her of Avery and how he was a chicken when we went for a walk in the forest. I thought she would laugh and enjoy my stories, but her face became increasingly worried.

"Severus, those people don't seem like the kind of people you should associate with. They seem like troublemakers."

"They're not. They're nice people."

Her face crunched, but she didn't argue. "If you say so."

I knew that she didn't understand, but I didn't think there was much I could do to change her mind.

I sat with Avery and Mulciber on the train, trying to engage in the conversation they were having, but failing miserably. I wasn't a social person, and it was obvious. When we got to the school, I let out a sigh of happiness. The castle was just as I had left it and seeing it made my heart swell. I was home, I thought. I never wanted to leave this place.

We went into the Great Hall right away, where we waited for the first years to be sorted. I sat close to Malfoy but he was too busy talking to another Slytherin to notice. The first years came out suddenly, all of them looking nervous, and scared. I wondered for a moment if that's how we looked last year to the other students, but I left my mind as Malfoy turned to me and said, "Don't stray too far tonight. We'll need you."

I knew what it meant and nodded. I looked over at Lily and saw her purse her lips at my interaction with Malfoy. I gave her a sort of smile which she returned before turning her attention back towards the front where the first years were getting sorted. A pang in my chest started but I pushed it away. There would always be other days for Lily to smile at me.

Once the sorting was done and we had eaten our supper, the headmaster instructed us to go back to our common rooms. Each table went their separate ways and I ended up standing next to one of the first years. I looked down at him and he nervously looked up at me, probably feeling my gaze on him.

"What?" he asked, trying to sound tough.

"Nothing," I sneered at him, giving him a look. The boy looked away and walked slower so that he was no longer next to me. That would serve him right to be rude.

Once the evening wore down, Bellatrix came to find me in the common room as I was reading my second year potions textbook. "We're meeting tonight. Lucius is already there, so I'll be bringing you."

"Oh. Okay." I noticed Avery and Mulciber behind her as well as a few other Slytherin's I recognized. I got up from my perch on the couch and placed my book down.

We followed the older girl to the forest, checking around up all the time to make sure we weren't being followed. A low hum was coming from somewhere deep in the forest and I wondered if it was the product of people talking excitedly. When we got into the clearing there seemed to be more people than last time in the circle. I nodded to a few people I knew, and made my way to an empty slot in the circle. The people in the strange masks appeared again and I knew that Lord guy was going to be arriving at any moment.

"Bow to Lord Voldemort," one of them said, clearing the right hand of the Lord.

I followed everyone's example, even though it seemed silly and when I got up, I noticed Lord Voldemort's face had a twisted smile. "Hello my brothers and sisters. I am glad to see everyone is well and that there are many more people here than before. As I had said last time we met, meetings will be scarce. Dumbledore will be soon casting spells around the castle limits so that no one can Apparate anywhere close by. I would rather not have to hike through these trees, so we will have to find a new meeting spot. There is a shack that has suddenly appeared beyond Hogsmeade, although I hear it is haunted. I am sure my followers will find a suitable spot for us." He smiled to one of them, and it sent shivers down my spine.

I heard a small sigh from next to me and I noticed Bellatrix smile warmly towards him. The look was almost love or adoration or something along those lines and I briefly wondered if she fancied him. He was attractive enough, with dark hair and a charming demeanour. I suddenly wondered if he wasn't tricking people into believing his words. Bellatrix would probably jump off a bridge for him if he just smiled at her. How pathetic.

Voldemort continued. "As some of you know, my rise to power is beginning to scare some people, and they are saying some very nasty things." A haunted look passed over his face and I could feel the tension going around the circle. "I advise you not to listen to it. Instead, spread the truths. They will soon see that I am right, that my beliefs are those we should live by. We are the better race. We hold all the power and we should be keeping it that way. It is for the greater good of wizardom."

I was fascinated by the things he was saying. He had not really explained what plans were and yet almost everyone here, if not everyone, was ready to do whatever he said. I looked over at Avery and I noticed he was fidgeting on the spot. It seemed he wasn't ready to listen to everything this lord guy had to say.

"And now, my brothers and sisters, I must leave you. Just remember that your purpose is no longer to just grow up with the expectations of everyone else. Your expectations belong to me, and I tell you that you must have faith in me. I know the future for the world. I am the future of this world. And I would not recommend you belonging to the other side. It might lead to a certain…" he chuckled for a moment, as if it was his own private joke, "unhappy ending for many."

A ripple of laughter ran through the circle, not all of it genuine. I got the feeling that we were left out of something, and judging by the looks of the older members, it only added to that feeling. I realized that we were just pawns in this game, and we were disposable.

I didn't dare voice my opinion as we walked back to our common room; I kept quiet the whole time reflecting over what I had heard. Voldemort had something nasty brewing and there was going to be something happening. What it was, it wasn't clear, but I could tell it would be big.

Classes started the next day and I counted four classes with Lily. She smiled at me when I sat at the table right next to hers, although she pretended not to have noticed me. I usually had Avery or Mulciber sit next to me, which wasn't too bad, but they were both dummies. I wished that I could sit with Lily, but to do that would kill any and all trust the Slytherins had in me.

In the last class of the day, Potions, Lily slipped a note onto my desk just as we were leaving. I hastily shoved it into the pockets of my robes before leaving the class. However, the moment I stepped across the threshold, an arm collided with my books and they fell to the ground.

I fell to my knees to pick them up, looking up as I gathered them. The Marauders were standing there, laughing. Potter slapped his knee and Black clutched his stomach while the two others stood behind them laughing a little more constrained.

I got up and walked away, not even bothering saying anything. I wasn't in the mood. "Hey Snevelly, I think you forgot something."

I turned around and there was Black, holding up the piece of paper Lily had given me. My jaw dropped and it took all my strength not to drop my books and go punch him. I walked over as confident as I could and tried to grab the paper. Black rose the paper higher, wanting me to jump for it. "Give it here."

"Um… no."

"Give me the paper."

"What's the magic word?"

"You're a prick. Now give me the bloody paper!"

"Language. Not very polite for a twelve year old."

"Do I look like I care what you think? Now give it back."

"Wow, I'll have to think about it. No."

Suddenly Slughorn came out of the class. "Is there a problem here boys?"

"Oh no professor. I was just telling Severus that he dropped a piece of parchment on the floor and I was returning it to him." Black thrust the paper in my hand and gave me a smile. "You should be more careful with you things. Who knows what you might lose?" The four boys left, laughter erupting as soon as they had gotten around the corner.

"Thanks," I mumbled to the professor before walking away hastily in the other direction. I didn't even look back to see if he was watching.

I could not read Lily's note for a while, partly for rage and partly because of lack of privacy. Instinct told me that I did not want to be seen reading it.

I was tempted to complain about the incident to Bellatrix, who was Black's cousin, leaving out the love note. I changed my mind for several reasons. First, Bellatrix would have been tempted to avenge herself, and expected me to. My failure to do so would degrade me in her eyes. Secondly, "cousinship" seemed to count for little in the Wizard world. We were a small society and few, particularly in the Slytherin house, married Muggles. The result was there a lot of intermarriage. Nearly everybody at Hogwarts, aside from the Muggleborn, was related to everybody else, and nobody thought much about it. For all I knew, Bellatrix might hate her cousin and even be tempted to kill him someday.

Another effect of the bullying was to wipe out, temporarily, my misgivings about "Voldemort". The dark Lord may have worrisome plans for the future, that I might find vaguely disquieting, but the Marauders had acted with blatant cruelty, to me. I told myself that was far worse.

Finally I found myself alone in my room, all of my dorm-mates away. In that rare moment of privacy, I pulled out Lily's paper and read it.

Severus,

I'm sorry about making you feel bad about your mates. Meet me tonight by the lake.

L.

A flutter of hope shone in my chest, soothing the rage I felt with the Marauders.

I went down to the lake, excited and scared at the same time. What was Lily going to say? Would she tell me she didn't care what they thought and we should still be mates? I hoped so. But the next question that popped into my brain wasn't as optimistic. Could I even be her mate? The Slytherins weren't too keen on Gryffindor, especially the Muggleborn kind. What would happen if they found out?

"Severus? Is that you?"

I heard her voice and turned around. "Lily." The first real smile in a long time shone on my face. "How are you?"

"I'm happy to be back," she admitted. "I missed the castle."

"Yeah, me too. It feels like home for me."

"And how are you? I mean, really. I feel like I barely saw you over the summer."

"We got together quite a bit," I said, confused. "We saw each other."

Lily laughed. "Silly Severus. I said I FELT like I barely saw you."

"Oh." I could feel my cheeks heat up. "I guess so then."

"I want to be mates with you, but how can we be? Your friends don't allow it and neither do mine. We would basically have to live a double life just to talk to each other."

The idea made me smile, but I knew what she was saying. "We should at least try. Meet when we can."

"Agreed."

A few months past before Lily and I could meet again. It was during one of the Hogsmeade trips where we met in the forest.

"Severus!" she cried out when she saw me. She ran over and gave me a quick hug. "Have I got some stories to tell you." A look of joy was plastered on her face and I couldn't help but smile back. This was how it was supposed to be.

We talked for a few hours and I always veered the conversation to her life. Nothing that I could openly talk about was interesting and I didn't want to bore her with the stories. When our time was up, we agreed to meet again the next Hogsmeade trip. She left before I did, which was our way not to be seen together, and I followed her steps minutes later.

I somehow took a wrong turn though, the trees looking quite similar, and I found myself to be in the clearing again. Glancing around, I noted that there was nothing special about this particular clearing, except that it was one of the few places in the forest that was lacking the thick foliage. Well, obviously, I told myself. It was a clearing after all.

Looking around the circle again, I realised that it was just a convenient spot for everyone to assemble. I looked up and noticed a sort of canvas of foliage that covered the place. Was it because Lord Bloke didn't want anyone to see the group? I thought back to what he had said, about people not believing what he believed in. Hadn't he also mentioned it was for the greater good? He had been terribly vague in his beliefs and I wondered if it was on purpose. He seemed like a smart bloke, one who could easily influence people, through more ways than cursing them. Bellatrix looked like she would do anything he asked.

Taking one more look around the innocent clearing, I turned back around, finally finding my path back towards the school.

I had the sudden feeling like I was being watched but when I looked around, I did not noticed any eyes. A sort of paranoia crept into my bones and I shuffled hurriedly towards the school.

Months went by with no news from Lily, no new Hogmeade trips and no Lord meetings. To occupy my mind, I did my homework, read other grades' textbooks and spent time in the library. I tried not to integrate myself with Malfoy and his gang too much, mostly because they were older and they had different ideas of what was fun.

I had once caught him snogging another Slytherin in the common room late at night and ran back to my room before he saw me. If that was his idea of fun, I knew I wouldn't like it.

Christmas time came and went, and I stayed at school. A small present from my mum was next to my bed in the morning, and it contained socks and peppermints, which I hid well so that I would not have to share. Lily had gotten me a card, which she did not sign in case it fell into the wrong hands; but I knew it was from her just by the style of lettering and the smell of the paper. Included were some homemade cookies that she had made with her mum. Apparently she said hello to me as well.

After the holidays had passed, there was still no news from Lord Bloke. I wondered if maybe he had given up on us but the thought seemed silly so I pushed it away. As well, a Hogsmeade trip had come and gone, but Lily had been busy working on an assignment that day and could not make it.

I could feel the levels of my happiness continuously depleting, but there was nothing for me to do. Lily was too busy, Lord Bloke wasn't having meetings and Potter and his group enjoyed being mean to me. Over all, I was beginning to feel as welcome here as I was at home.

Near the end of March, Malfoy found me in the common room. "We're having a meeting, just us Slytherins."

"Okay." I looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Are you going to come or just sit there?"

"I'll come." I got up and followed him, wondering why it seemed I would do anything just to have someone be my friend. I really wasn't into Lord Bloke's teaching, but whatever.

We made our way to a room that I had never been to and there were other Slytherins waiting around. I saw a few I knew, and although there were many I did not know, I had to admit that I recognized more than half the crowd.

"Most of you know why you are here," Malfoy said, addressing the crowd. "The Dark Lord could not attend this meeting unfortunately, but he has placed it upon me to make sure there is progress. Most of you know that associating with Muggles is not acceptable. We have purer blood then they do and we are superior. Why should we swoop down to their level?"

My heart nearly stopped. Could they have known about Lily and me? I looked around the room, trying my best not to look guilty, but I realized that Malfoy wasn't looking at me. He was looking at an older Slytherin, who looked completely calm.

"What? She was a good shag." A low chuckle ran around the room and I was nearly disgusted by their crudity.

"Just try to make sure it doesn't happen again. We wouldn't want to accidentally create some half-bloods."

What was I doing with this crowd? I was a half-blood, although I never admitted it; I never admitted I was a pure-blood either. They probably just assumed I was because I was in Slytherin.

"We need to keep our race pure. That is the number one priority. Muggles should bow down to us, they should have to hide from us, not the other way around."

"If they are basically our slaves, then what's the problem with shagging a few?"

I didn't see who said it, but I heard the general direction of where it came from. "I cannot control your lives," a small smirk grew on his face and I wondered if he wished he could, "but I would have to say that shagging them for nothing more than your own pleasure doesn't seem like too mad an idea. Just don't get them pregnant, or let yourself become pregnant, and whatever you do: do NOT fall in love with them. We are superior. Remember that."

Everyone seemed to agree someway, a nod or a smile, and I nodded, even though I knew I was lying. I didn't understand the problem with Muggles. Sure, there were people like Tobias and his family that made me understand why some might hate Muggles. But, looking at Lily and her family, I wondered what could there be to hate? They were on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. To generalize and hate everyone seemed silly, but I didn't dare voice my opinion.

" Now, the meeting is officially adjourned. Leave in groups of two or three, but not more or else you will attract attention."

People left sporadically, and I was one of the last to go. I walked along side of Malfoy and Bellatrix, hearing them talk about the meeting. "I knew that Gregory had low standards, but still. A Muggleborn? And a Gryffindor one at that." Bellatrix let out a low whistle. "If his father only knew."

"Ah, but it is not our place. If he continues this liaison and it turns into something we need to be worried about, she can easily be disposed of."

I was able to catch my horror before it hit my face, but I couldn't believe what I had just heard. Bellatrix laughed, but it sounded far away. Things were finally sinking in. Lord Voldemort hated Muggles enough to want to kill them.

After that meeting, the school year went by quickly. Exams came up, and we were all busy studying. No more meetings were scheduled and Lily and I met only twice. I warned her that we had to be extra careful now, because I believed that people were watching me. Every time I walked into the Common Room, I half expected Malfoy sitting there, glaring at me and telling me that Lily would be dealt with. It came as a relief that every day, it did not happen.

Still, no matter what was being said to me and the things I overheard, I could not help but want to be next to her at every moment. I would watch her sometimes, chatting with her friends, wondering if she wished she could chat with me in the same way.

The train ride home was a long one, but I did not mind. It meant the longer I had until I was back to my house. I spent my time fantasizing about having a home just like Lily's, with a mother and father who love each other and maybe a sibling. If I had a brother, I would teach him how to make potions that created goo. If I had a sister, I would protect her and maybe even play dolls with her if I was in a good mood.

The whistle of the train brought me back to reality and I shuffled off the train hoping I would see it again soon.

Author's note: Reviews? Thanks.