A/N: And this… is… it. The very last chapter. :O Holy crap, I can't believe I'm finally done with this after such a long time… You know this story goes all the way back to 2007, when I started randomly thinking about how much the Sages and Eeveelutions have in common and realized I could probably extend that to the entire game.
But anyway, I'm so flattered that my silly little Zelda parody turned out to be so popular, and I'm eternally grateful to all my fans. Thank you for all your reviews and kind words that have kept me going all these years.
And as you know, goodbye is not forever. This isn't the last you'll see of Pikachu. No sir.
Pikachu, Eevee and Togetic were all standing together in what appeared to be the middle of the sky, surrounded by clouds and with no ground in sight. Pikachu was a little confused about this, but decided to chalk it up to the brain damage.
"Well… I can't believe it, Pikachu, but you actually did it," said Eevee. "Thanks to you, Mewtwo has been sealed inside the Evil Realm. Maybe we should actually stop doubting you and putting more trust in you with these things."
Pikachu looked delighted. "Seriously?"
"No, what am I saying. That's ridiculous. I'm never going to trust you with anything. Everything you've accomplished has been a combination of ridiculous luck and other people doing all the work for you."
"THANK you! Finally, someone else realizes what I've been saying all this time!" Togetic griped, throwing up her arms. Pikachu frowned and grumbled something obscene.
"Now as I was saying. Thanks to me and Togetic, Mewtwo has been sealed inside the Evil Realm, and thus peace will return to Hyrule for a time," Eevee went on. "I suppose I could theoretically blame myself for allowing all this tragedy to befall Hyrule, but I really don't feel like it. Now the only thing left is for you to lay the Light Ball to rest and close the Door of Time."
Pikachu looked aghast. "What? Never!" he cried, hugging the Light Ball tightly to himself. "I don't want to go back in time! You can have this thing when you pry it from my cold, non-living fingers!"
Togetic tapped him on the shoulder, and while he was looking behind himself she grabbed the Light Ball out of his hands.
Eevee shook her head. "Now Pikachu, give the Pokéflute of Time to me. I can send you back to your original time with it, and trust me, there's nothing I want more right now than for you to be somewhere else."
"If you don't, I'll just take that from you too," said Togetic.
Pikachu frowned. "No you won't! I won't fall for that twice in a row!"
"Yes you will."
"Yeah, you're right," he said unhappily. "Okay fine, take it."
He handed the Pokéflute to Eevee, who immediately took it back. "Now go, Pikachu, and regain your lost time. Oh, and maybe do something in the past to prevent Mewtwo from rising to power in the first place. That'd be useful."
"Huh-wha?" said Pikachu, but Eevee had already begun to play Eevee's Lullaby on the Pokéflute. Pikachu and Togetic were engulfed in a white light and felt themselves rising up as they were drawn back through time once again…
"WOO-HOO! PARRRRRR-TYYYYY!" cheered an extremely drunk Growlithe. He and a large portion of the main cast were all gathered at Lon Lon Ranch, celebrating the defeat of Mewtwo. The inebriated Wigglytuff and Raticate were leaning against each other and slurring out an extremely off-key tune, causing most of the people near them to get pissed off and throw rocks at them. Jigglypuff was singing a much more beautiful song, but it had the unfortunate side effect of putting everyone around her to sleep.
"YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS!" she shouted, pulling out her .38 and going to town.
"YOU DAMN KIDS PUT ME DOWN!" shrieked Ambipom as he was being twirled around upside-down by a bunch of Grass-types.
"WOO! This is the most fun I've everrrrrrr had!" cheered the enormous Heatran as he danced wildly around, crushing several people underfoot and causing everyone else to run away screaming.
"I remember when I used to be able to move. Those were good times," mused King Swampert, who was sitting by the entrance to the corral.
"Yeah, I was wondering about that. How the heck did you even get over here?" asked Treecko, who was sitting next to him.
"I could ask you the same thing. Aren't Grass-types supposed to die if they ever leave the forest?"
Treecko blinked very slowly. "Touché." Suddenly, he noticed a group of sparkles flying through the air, passing over their heads. "Huh? The #*?& is that?"
Everyone briefly stopped what they were doing and gazed up in awe at the six balls of light that were flying through the sky. They passed over the land of Hyrule and finally came to rest at the summit of Death Mountain, where they transformed into the six Sages, gazing down at the world.
"Dude, that was friggen awesome," said Espeon.
"Well, that's that then. Mewtwo has been defeated and Hyrule is saved," said Umbreon. "…So what exactly do we do now?"
They all looked awkwardly at each other for a moment.
Then Flareon said, "Well, I've always wanted to start a rock band…"
The light finally died around Pikachu, and he opened his eyes to discover that he was a Pichu again, presumably for good this time. He was standing in the Temple of Time, and the Light Ball was resting on top of the Pedestal of Time, where it was to remain for many ages to come.
"Well… I guess the adventure's over, then," he decided. Then he frowned. "Too bad that entire thing was one huge waste of time."
Togetic looked at him strangely. "What are you talking about?"
"Whaddaya think I'm talking about? I save the entire world and I still didn't get it on with one girl this entire time!" he fumed. "Not even the friggen princess! They all turned me down!"
Togetic rolled her eyes. "Oh, you think you've got it bad? My ultimate dream guy turned out to not even be real!"
Pichu's ears drooped. "Man, this totally sucks. We must be the two biggest losers in all of Hyrule," he sighed. "I mean, it's almost like the only people in the world we stand a chance with… are…"
They stared at each other.
"Oh cows, it's time for lunch!" Igglybuff sang as she opened the door to the stable. "I have some delicious apples for you! Come and get your – ACK!"
She dropped her bucked in horror at the sight of an extremely drunk Pichu and Togetic making out on top of a pile of hay. Pichu suddenly noticed Igglybuff and broke off, looking nervous.
"Uh oh. Uh… Igglybuff, I wanted to break this to you gently, but…"
"OUT! OUT! BOTH OF YOU GET OUT!" Igglybuff shrieked, only to be pushed to the side by at least a dozen armed Sentret guards who suddenly came barging into the stable.
"Look! There she is!" one of them shouted, pointing directly at Togetic. "There's the b#tch who tried to kill the princess! Arrest her!"
Pichu looked at Togetic in horror. "T-money! What the hell?"
"What? I said I was gonna kill her! I haven't gone back on that, you know!" Togetic said defensively. "Well, I guess this means I'd better skip town and become a fugitive or something. See ya around."
The guards immediately threw themselves at her, but she singlehandedly dispatched them all with several well-placed karate chops. Then she zoomed out the door and flew up into the air, vanishing into the deep blue sky.
Pichu ran out the door after her and fell to his knees. "NOOOOOO! T-MONEY! AT LEAST SEND ME A POSTCARD… ah, the hell with it. I guess now I'd better do like Eevee said and figure out a way to stop Mewtwo in this timeline."
So he journeyed back to Hyrule Castle, making his way through the courtyard back to the place where he'd first met Eevee. This was surprisingly easy to do this time around since all the guards were currently lying unconscious inside the stable.
"Hey there, sugar pants. I'm back!" he greeted Eevee after finding her in the same place as before. "And boy, do I have a story for you! I picked up this shiny yellow ball and went into the future, beat up a bunch of monsters and got more shiny things, and then I fought this cat that turned into a pig! It was awesome!"
Eevee glared at him. "Pichu, are you drunk?"
"Oh yeah. But I'm still telling the truth. Mewtwo is totally bad news bears in the future, man. We gotta stop him."
"I know we do," Eevee sighed, "but it's his word against ours, and we're just a couple of kids. Nobody's going to believe us."
"I can't believe they actually believed us."
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? YOU CAN'T PROVE I DID ANYTHING!" Mewtwo shrieked as the Sentret guards dragged him out of a port-a-potty, not seeming to notice the piece of toilet paper stuck to his foot. "Okay, fine! I admit it! I was in there vandalizing the bathroom! Is that seriously punishable by death?"
"I hate this kingdom."
"Well, that went much more smoothly than I expected," said Eevee as she and Pichu watched Mewtwo being towed away. "But it certainly is good to know that the kingdom is safe now, all thanks to me."
Pichu glared at her. "What the heck are you talking about? I did all the work here! I'm the freaking Hero of Time!"
"Oh please, Pichu. The very fact that you were even able to survive this long was a complete fluke. I've done the math, and the chances of you surviving another adventure like that are literally less than the chances of the earth spontaneously turning into a grapefruit."
Pichu frowned. "Excuse me miss, but is that a challenge?"
"No, I'm just saying that – "
"I ACCEPT!" Pichu shouted, completely ignoring her. "I could totally live through another adventure! I'll prove it to you."
And that's exactly what he did.
TO BE CONTINUED…