"Incomplete" – By RavenAK.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned here, they belong to Hiroyuki Takei and some other people...
Glittering pieces of crystal in the night sky… Asakura Yoh might never be able to tell what was so fascinating about the stars in a dark and lonely night... Maybe it was the fact that even if they would never let him reach them, they were there for him to watch in their everlasting splendor. They didn't make him company, but he still felt less lonely when he contemplated them, it had always been like that...
Yoh was lying on his back on a little hill, just watching them shine and move slowly, alternating shapes and colors. At that moment, he just needed a quiet and mute company. He didn't want to talk about his problems, he didn't want questions, he didn't want to explain to anyone what was wrong with him... and most of all, he didn't want to explain to himself who he really was. So right then, silent and glittering stars were perfect company. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out, feeling a tremendous pain in his chest when he did so.
He felt numb, and felt like he was dreaming awake. Who was he? What was his life? What was real? He didn't know anymore. All he knew was that he was still alive, and he needed to remain alive for longer, to defeat him, his ancestor, his brother, his... other half. In a certain way, himself. Nothing made sense. Nothing. Why would he want to defeat him? What would he gain? Making the world a better place? For what? So he could live on thinking what would he do now that he was just half of a person? Or, in the other hand, what would he gain by joining his side? Creating a new world, where he would just be his twin's other half, he wouldn't have a mind of his own, and he had to take the risk of forgetting about everything he once knew and loved...
Any of those options would hurt him in the end. But eh had chosen to defeat him, just because the other option meant losing valuable things, especially people's lives, and he prefered to lose his own identity before that. Ah, who cared, maybe he never had an identity. He had always been incomplete.
"No sleep for you tonight?" He heard a female voice behind him. One he knew too well, one that would still scare him tremendously. But not as much as his thoughts at the moment.
He felt comfortable lying on his back in that little hill, so he decided not to change his position to make eye contact with her. "Maybe later. The stars look great tonight."
"You and your stars..." She said before sitting next to him. "What's great about them tonight, specifically?"
"I don't know..."
"I think you should go sleep now. You ahve to wake up early tomorrow to re-start training."
"Ow. I had forgotten about that..." He closed his eyes as he inevitably visualized the pain.
"You've been without me for just a few months and you forget what you're supposed to do?"
"Well... I didn't think much about training... I guess you could say I forgot it."
"Well, I didn't. Everyday I wondered what you were doing, several times a day. I knew you weren't exactly training, but most likely slacking around."
"Ah, no, not really." He smiled a little. "I was too busy with fighting, and, you know, meeting new opponents and that..."
"I see... Well, now I'm here and you'll have to go back to your previous lifestyle. Whether you like it or not."
"Mm, it's okay. Except for the training part."
"Believe me. It will all be about the training part."
"Well, but, besides the training, the fact that you're here means we can have times like this."
"... Times to talk about training?"
"Heh, no." He giggled and changed to a sitting position. "Times to spend together, just talking and star gazing..."
"I still don't see what's so fascinating with stars..."
"They make company." He was smiling widely, sitting like a child. Anna couldn't understand why he was always so damn happy, even when doing nothing at all. "But, now you're here so they don't seem so great anymore."
She raised an eyebrow as a signal of not understanding his words. "Anyway, you should go to sleep."
"I'm not sleepy yet... Why don't you go to sleep?" He was certainly concerned about her staying awake because of him, but at the same time he didn't want to be alone. He liked her presence next to him, he liked having her around even if all she did was yell at him and make him suffer. At least it gave his life a direction, a meaning.
"I can't go to bed knowing you're out here, by yourself... I don't know what you're up to."
"Thank you..." His voice sounded almost like a whisper. "I'm glad to see you again."
"You're gonna regret saying that when you re-start training tomorrow." He smiled again, she hadn't changed at all. Ever since he had left Japan a few months ago, he had missed her pretty face and her harsh words. He had missed her sarcasm, as well as her hurtful honesty. He had wanted so badly to talk to her and tell her what he was feeling, but he couldn't, and now that he could, he didn't dare.
What if she rejected him after knowing the truth? That was the most probable thing to happen. Who wouldn't be scared to find out that her fiancé was only half of a person, an infamous, dangerous person? He was afraid that everything they ever knew would lose all meaning when they had to face the truth, he was afraid that their relationship would change forever after knowing these news, and even more, he was afraid that they would have to be separated for their own good. He couldn't dare to tell her, he just couldn't.
"Are you waiting for a shooting star?" Her voice echoed through the breeze into his head.
"A shooting star? Why?"
"You've been outside for several hours, just looking at the night sky, which hasn't changed one bit..."
"You know this is what I like doing, staying in touch with nature, and..."
"That's a bunch of crap." She said, which caused him to turn his head to her, a really puzzled look on his face. "You don't like 'staying in touch with nature', you just like doing things that no one will like to join you at, so you can be all by yourself to think stuff over and over, and actually feel worried about something, while pretending you don't give a damn about life in general."
"I-I... um, what?"
"Since you're still here, it means you haven't found the answer to whatever your question is. It makes me think that you're expecting something else, like a shooting star to make a wish to."
"Well, now... I hadn't thought of the shooting star..."
"Then, what are you planning to do?"
"Nothing? You're planning to stay in the cold outside all friggin' night?"
"Yeah, maybe... I haven't slept well lately, anyway." He knew what kind of question would follow that sentence, but there was nothing else he could say. He liked the company of the stars, he liked not having to explain to anyone how it felt like to know that all his life was not a life itself, because him and everything he represented, only meant a mere part of someone greater. He was no one. The person known as Asakura Yoh was not real, he was not even supposed to exist. And it crushed him, and it still hurt like the very first day.
"Is it... because of him?" She asked slowly and he nodded in response.
"How much do you know about him?" He asked, afraid of the answer.
"Well, I already met him."
"What?" From all the things she could have answered, that was the last one he ever expected. "You met him? Why? What did he tell you? Did he try to hurt you?"
She had never seen him so exasperated. He had to be really afraid of Hao to act like that. She didn't really understand why, though. Didn't he feel strong, or confident enough? She thought he was an eternal optimist, but there he was, alone, in pain, sharing a silent story with the stars.
"Let's just say I ran into him..." She decided to make the story shorter to avoid him getting more scared. "And he just talked some nonsense about how powerful he is and stuff... he's a really big-headed bastard."
"Ah, I see... So... Did you notice?" Even if his voice sounded a lot more calm, he still showed anxiety in his eyes.
"The resemblance between us." He said half hoping she already knew, so he wouldn't have to explain; and half hoping she never knew, so he could pretend nothing happened.
"Well, yeah, there is some resemblance... But overall, you have great differences."
"I know. Before, I knew there was a resemblance, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Now I know the truth and I feel like I should have known it all along..." His words became a sigh at the end as he lowered his head and got worried again.
"What's troubling you so much? You know you can beat him. You will beat him."
"I'm not so sure of that anymore..."
"What do you mean you're not so sure? You're strong, Yoh, and your stupid friends are strong, too. You can make it. Besides, I'm teaching you new techniques anyway."
"I know that, it's just that... I don't even know if I'm supposed to defeat him." He finally dared to look at her and noticed her surprised expression.
"What are you talking about? You are supposed to defeat him, he wants to destroy mankind! Don't you want to save the humans?"
"Yes, of course I want to save them, but why do I have to do it, Anna? Has anyone ever thought that I'm the one that suffers the most in this situation? That even if he goes down, and I save the world, I will still feel like I destroyed my own brother, my own ancestor, my own... self?"
He didn't intend to say that last line. He hesitated before the words came out, but then he couldn't stop at that point. He was frustrated, worried, sad, and mad at himself. He was mad at himself for being so blind and stupid, for not realizing earlier, for not doing anything about it, for not being strong enough to take it, and mostly, for daring to live 15 years of a life that was meaningless. How did he dare steal half of Hao's persona? How did he dare to walk around, using a life that didn't belong to him, and still have the guts to destroy its rightful owner? Who in the world was he? And why didn't he have any memories of his previous lives, like he should?
The person known as Asakura Yoh was incomplete from the very beginning, he wasn't even supposed to exist in the first place, and he was starting to wonder if it would mean anything if he continued living. He looked down and closed his eyes as tightly as he could to try to stop the tears, as he pondered how he still managed to feel anything, after knowing he was barely half of a person.
Then he felt it. The ultimate stinging, burning pain on his right cheek. He didn't know where it came from, but there it was. Anna had slapped him across the face. Again.
"Shut up." She simply said, just like nothing. "You are the most capable person in the world to defeat that bastard, and I'm not saying this based on that old 'It's your destiny' excuse. I say it because I believe in you, because I know you, and because I've trained you, so I know exactly how capable you are."
"But what if I don't want to?!" He snapped suddenly, turning around quickly to face her, still feeling the pain on his cheek. This was not his usual, childish reaction. This was serious. "I can't do this, Anna! I can't kill him! When he's gone, there will still be me, and I'm his other half! All effort will be worthless! Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I said shut up! Have you ever thought about the way I feel? You're not the only one that knows about the whole reincarnation deal, I also know! I've known it for some time but I don't give a damn about it!" At this point she caught his attention. "The only thing I care about is that you're alright and win that damn title, for us."
"But, this is what upsets me the most. That you and the guys also have to go through this, when you have absolutely nothing to do with this problem. I don't want anyone to suffer for me, I don't deserve it!" Both anger and sadness were transparent in his voice, as he finally spoke his mind with the person he feared but loved the most.
"Suffer for you?" She asked. "You're saying it like you were going to die in the process, or something."
"Maybe I will..."
"What are you saying?!"
"Look, it's better if I die, ok? I'm no good to mankind by being just half of a person. A terrible person in everyone's eyes."
"You are everyone's hope. You are the only one that can make it. If you win, you will make everyone happy, isn't that what you've always wanted? Isn't it?"
"No." He said firmly and her expression instantly changed. She looked worried, even a little scared. "I wanted to live happily. With all of you. I don't want to save the world and then feel miserable about it. This was supposed to be something great..."
"It will be great..." She spoke in the softest tone he had ever heard, as she held his hands in hers. "You used to be the same person, but not anymore. If this happened, and you became two different people, it was for a reason, ok? You are going to save him, and then you will live a happy relaxing foolish life with us."
"You make it sound so simple..."
"You also made it all sound simple when you saved me from the Oni, remember?"
He didn't have an answer for that. Anna just happened to know every damn little thing about the universe.
"...Yet it still worked." She continued. "Do you think you saved me because he wanted it? Am I really that special?"
"...I don't know."
"I don't know either, but the way I see it, I wasn't saved by half of a person, I didn't fall in love with half of a person. I'm in love with a complete man with a very strong soul."
He blushed. Again. No matter how many times she told him, hearing the word 'love' from her made him blush. Every time.
"You're blushing." She said expressionless, although there were traces of pink on her own cheeks as well.
"I... um... I... Sorry!" He spoke quickly and released his hands from hers, blushing even more.
"Now you're all nervous... Why?"
"Eh? I'm very sorry!" He blushed more and turned his head to a side.
"No, you don't have to apologize, Yoh. This feeling is perfectly human."
"Why do you think this has happened? What has made you blush like crazy?"
"Um... I... I don't think..."
"Was it... me?"
"Oh... I... You shouldn't ask these things, you know, this is kind of..."
"Awkward?" She asked and then he nodded. "And why is that?"
"Oh, come on! Stop asking these things, it's so uncomfortable!"
"I see... It's uncomfortable, huh?"
"Yeah... Why are we even talking about this? We were discussing a totally different topic..."
"Oh, we're still on that topic... Do you really think that if you were just 'half of a person', you could blush and go crazy upon hearing the word 'love'?
"If you were not a person, and if this life you've lived isn't really yours, then... could you really have fallen in love with me?"
There was silence for about 5 seconds, but to him, it lasted a lifetime.
"... I could..." Was all he managed to say.
"Really? Because if your life isn't really yours, then your memories, and the feelings attached to them, are just a part of someone else's mind..."
He could swear his whole life passed in front of his eyes. Anna was in about 80 of his memories. If they didn't belong to him... If he couldn't have that...
"No, they're not." He spoke firmly. "They're mine. My memories, my feelings. He can't have that. He can't possibly think and feel the same about all the things I've known."
"But... If you're just his other half, then... Your memories, never truly existed."
His breath stopped as he analyzed his life again. They did exist, so many, so true... So real.
"No! They exist! I know it, I just... know it."
"And you know it because you're a whole person, you idiot!" She yelled and smacked him. Yet again. "Yoh, do you think I'd still be with you if I gave a damn about the whole reincarnation crap? As far as I'm concerned, yes, he's your ancestor, and okay, you were once the same, but that was ages ago. Right now, you're just Asakura Yoh, a whole person, a great fighter, a dear friend, my future husband. If I'm ok with it, why can't you just accept it and move on?"
Again, she made it sound so easy, but this time, well... it made sense. He felt like a person. He had a life, memories, friends, a bride, and feelings for each of them. He had dreams, hopes and fears. He had nice qualities and bad qualities. He had different types of needs, and he had things to be proud, and other things to be ashamed of. He was indeed a whole person. End of story.
"Heh... I guess you're right." He spoke smiling like an idiot. "I'm sorry about this whole scene..."
"It's alright, everyone feels angsty sometimes... Even you, apparently."
"Oh, yeah... I feel really dumb now."
"You should. You really got on my nerves this time." She scolded him, but he noticed she wasn't really mad. "I hope you realize that this will have... consequences."
"C-Consequences?" He gulped. It was his least favorite word.
"I'm going to increase the training I had scheduled, and the more you beg, the harder it will get."
"Uh... Oh... I'm sorry!"
"Apologize as much as you want. It won't work." She said and started to get up. He started weeping, preparing for the upcoming pain.
"Hey..." He called before she left. She turned to look at him. "Thank you."
"It was nothing. All I did was talk. Make you look at things in a different way."
"Yeah, I know... But, thanks for, well, everything, all this time."
"All the talking?"
"He he... yeah, all the talking and, all the moments we've shared... This will sound corny, but..." He got up as well so he could see her face to face. "During my whole life, you're the only one who's made me feel... complete."
He smiled in his typical Yoh fashion, putting a smile on her lips as well.
Author's Notes:Hi again! Ah, it's been a while since I last posted something. Well, this was a very short oneshot that I thought of a million years ago and decided that I should write it instead of leaving it in my head (my friend Smart Angel convinced me to write it n.n). I hope you liked it, so if you did, please leave some review telling me what you thought of it. I love receiving them and reading them, so please feel freee to say what you want n.n
I'll see you in a next story, thanks for reading, bye!