The song used is The Final Cut by Coheed and Cambria
"I have none. Never have I felt any misgiving in my soul; never did I think to myself that what I did was bad, even though human society condemns it. My blood and the blood of my victims will be on the heads of my torturers. There must be a Higher Being who gave in the first place the first vital spark to life. That Higher Being would deem my actions good since I revenged injustice. The punishments I have suffered have destroyed all my feelings as a human being. That was why I had no pity for my victims." – Peter Kurten aka The vampire of Düsseldorf when asked if he had a conscience.
In the final curtain call
You left me here with the coldest of feelings
Weight. Kind. Depression.
Blessing the floors with the places you've stepped in
Will they ever measure up to the way you left me?
Here on the roadside the bloodiest cadaver
Marked in your words: I'm the joke. I'm the bastard.
Here wait, so I guess that you knew
That you're…A selfish little whore
I'm the selfish little whore
If I had my way I'd crush your face in the door.
This is no beginning…This is the final cut. Open up. I'm in love.
If Cody had been honest with Victoria in their last session, she surely would have tried to change his mind. Yet, in his mind Victoria's opinion was no longer something he believed in or even listened to much. She was still trying to help him and he appreciated the effort.
There was one unsolved piece of the puzzle and that was Jeffrey. Cody wanted to see him, yet for different reason than most of the people around him would think. A long time ago, shortly after he had decided to live again he concluded something very sad, though figuring it out somewhat helped him nonetheless.
In all his sessions and all the pathetic tries of people who cared to start a conversation failed miserably. Mostly because not a single one of them knew the dark side of his soul. They wanted to find the reason behind his problems yet not touch the core of all – evil, as he secretly liked to call it.
Profiling himself had revealed the indubitable truth, he wasn't evil but he was able to do evil nonetheless. He had done it before. It was not what he'd done to the reporter that bothered him but that he had given in to Jeff even though he should have known better. Cody wanted an answer for his failure. The last answer he sought out in order to find peace of mind.
His heart was beating rapidly when he quietly sat down across from Jeff. Cody watched him closely and noticed the slight changes. His hair was different, he had it shaved. The baldness gave his pale face a sickened and fierce look. Jeff's facial features were hard and it was impossible to guess his mood.
There was undoubtedly a sign of amusement as he eyed Cody suspiciously. Jeff was curious as to why Cody would have requested this meeting. A somewhat mocking smile hushed over his face as he said, "Cody, how interesting to see you again."
Cody felt a cold shiver running down his spine as his mind remembered the soft lowered voice of this man. A man who had murdered, he told himself angrily and braced himself. "I would call it downright weird rather than interesting," he admitted, locking eyes with the convict.
Jeff grinned and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. The sound of metal clinging against metal made Cody notice that the prisoner was handcuffed. His eyes fell on the bonds as Jeff lit himself a cigarette and exhaled saying casually, "They had to make sure I wouldn't hurt you."
He winked and Cody blushed. The younger man shifted uncomfortably in his seat eager to get out what he had been holding in for so long yet unable to simple find a start. He silently watched the older man smoke and arrogantly leaning back into the chair. Jeff was very aware that everything he did had an effect on Cody and it amused him to find that still working.
"Why are you here?" Jeff asked curiously.
Cody shrugged and replied honestly, "I'm not sure. I guess I felt the need to see you again."
"For what? Are we supposed to be friends? Or allies in some way?" Jeff asked.
Cody had suspected nothing else and yet it still struck him and he felt momentarily lost. Mostly because Jeffrey was absolutely right. They weren't friends or allies but Jeff still seemed the only possible choice to confide in. Maybe because either way this would be the last time they talked.
"I don't really know why but I wanted to talk to somebody who knows me. As much as I hate it, you seemed to be more knowing than others. I presume it has to do with the fact that you are insane," he croaked and earned a cocked eyebrow.
"Are you calling me insane?"
"Yeah, pretty much. In a normal sense of view. You did kill people."
"I had good reasons," Jeff hushed, exhaling more smoke and smiling.
"I don't doubt that you believed your reasons justified but you're still a crazy bastard who viciously killed innocent young men," Cody conquered.
"Viciously…? I wouldn't call it that, though. But I'd say I viciously fucked you," Jeff growled staring into Cody's eyes.
The younger man couldn't hold the gaze and lowered his eyes, which made Jeff grunt out in laughter. "Is that what's bothering you, Cody? That we had a thing?"
"That's part of it, I guess," Cody answered honestly.
"I've read your book."
"I've read yours, too."
"Don't you wish you'd have let her die?"
Cody swallowed hard when Jeff asked the question. He thought about an answer and searched it deep down inside his heart. His voice was faint when he answered. "As a matter of fact I sometimes do."
For a few seconds the ever so confident murderer gave Cody a dumbfounded glare. He hadn't really expected an honest answer and therefore choked almost as he started to laugh.
"Cody! You never fail to surprise me. I'd half expected you to come up with a bunch of fucking lies. I like that new you. Too bad it took you so long…"
"Shut up. You know that it's not true. I cursed her goddamn ass countless times but I still wouldn't be able to kill her. You were wrong about that."
"And now you wanted to face me and tell me that because…?"
"I didn't come here to tell you that…" Cody realized that he was already in defence.
"Then why did you come here?"
"Can't you just be honest with me?" Cody suddenly said and wanted to slap himself for even daring to.
"But Cody, I was always honest with you."
"You lied about your alibi," Cody replied defiantly and hated to be trapped with his back to the wall.
"Excuse me but due to my line of work I couldn't very well tell you the truth since you were playing the FBI agent. It's not my fault that your talent didn't work on me. You failed to see through me or rather you chose to not see the clues. Why are you bothering me with that? I really don't care about your self-doubting issues. I think I told you before that I found them rather boring."
"Would you have killed me?" Cody asked ignoring Jeff's harsh words.
Jeff gave him a blank stare before he slowly shook his head. "I'm really sorry to burst your bubble but you just weren't that interesting. Granted in the beginning I thought that you would be but you are so fucking broken. You've messed everything up as well."
"You placed my key card on the victim."
An amused grin washed over Chester and he grunted. "Touché. You're right that was rather stupid of me. What does the profiler in you say about that?"
"That you did it on purpose…?"
"Maybe I did. I can't really recall that thought. To tell you the truth I probably wouldn't have killed you because aside from your obvious flaws you were a great fuck. Seriously, I'm not just saying that. You are so fucked up inside of you that it's a pleasure to take advantage of all that pain. It's fun as hell," Jeff replied with uncaring laughter.
Cody made a face and ignored the nagging feeling in his stomach. He wondered if they were being watched. He had been told they would not record this conversation. They had also told him to be careful because even though the prisoner had been cuffed nobody would watch and therefore nobody could come helping him should something go wrong.
A part of him was truly fed up with being monitored all the time anyway and because his life sucked already he found himself grinning suddenly, saying, "What a fucked up couple."
"We aren't a couple."
"The media thought otherwise."
"Cody, do you want it to be different? You're such a loser, aren't you? I tell you what let's play a game. If you answer my question I'll answer yours later."
Cody instantly felt the heat rushing into his cheeks and he tried not to look at Jeff's hand. The prisoner struggled with the cuffs before he was able to slide his hand inside his overall. Jeff inhaled sharply when he wrapped his hand around his penis and gave Cody a devilish smirk.
"Fuck you," Cody tried sounding appalled rather than aroused and added, "I should go."
"Yeah, I guess you should. But you don't want to. You came here for a reason. You missed me, didn't you?"
A blush caressed Jeff's face and Cody could see the soft movements of his arm. He took a deep breath when he noticed the slight dreamingly gaze of the killer. Jeff was not taking his gaze away he enjoyed the puzzled facial expression of Cody far too much. The young man struggled with himself and it was visible through his body language. Shifting nervously in his seat, his hands wrapped tight around the arms of the chair.
"Yes," Cody found himself suddenly answering, but not really sure why he was doing so. He couldn't help but find the entire situation completely surreal. Then again, his whole life was a series of completely surreal events. He had witnessed murder first hand why should this startle him?
"I guess you missed getting fucked properly." Jeff's voice vibrated with his breath.
"Why is that even getting you all excited I thought I was boring?" Cody asked his eyes drawn to the masturbation. Once he finally was able to lift them he stared in the obviously agitated face of Jeff realizing that looking into his face was worse than focusing on the hand.
"As you can see there is no one else here. I haven't seen a cute boy in years. Stop fucking trying to sound superior. You've been thinking about me inside you whilst you jacked off and it sickens you. Fuck, Cody, play that fucking game and confess. I'll give you redemption once I'm done." Jeff mocked with a hoarse voice and a cold smirk.
"Not always…" The atmosphere felt cold and dark. The sound of scratching fabric through a few heavy strokes and Jeff slightly parted his lips gave Cody the feeling of wrongness. Yet he couldn't help but stare anyway.
"I bet you think of her, too. You wanted to fuck her back there, isn't that right?"
"No but sometimes I fantasize about it," Cody answered with a steady voice trying to ignore what was happening.
Jeff let out a growl and hissed, "Well, I guess you're more of a rapist than a killer then. You're a sucker for fear."
"It's getting old, you know that. Yes, you know what I did miss you. Mostly because of sexual reasons, yes. It felt good to let go and it felt incredible to feel such pain. What can I say; I guess I'm a pervert. I cannot believe I fucking let it happen! I can not believe that everyone knows you fucked me. I refuse to believe that you're fucking jerking yourself off while talking to me. In a fucking prison nonetheless, and you actually look like you enjoy it even. You're going to die tomorrow and you know what? I envy you because for you it will be over. You're profile is a straight line. You were fucked, you were hurt and in defiance you kicked back."
Cody gasped while he went on watching Jeff's blushing face, knowing that every word had a rather intense effect. "My profile sucks because it's flawed. It's flawed because of all those caring people. Foster-parents, psychiatrists and co-workers. You didn't care. Everything you said, everything you did was cold and painful and it felt better than caring."
Jeff let out a groan and his eyes fluttered closed shortly as he listened to Cody's truly enticing confession. "Because caring was getting me nowhere. All this faked compassion was annoying. I didn't want it because in secret I was getting hard by thinking about blood and violence. 'It's not your fault', they all said as if they had a clue."
"Aww, Cody so many disorders, so much shame and all you wanted was to be kicked in the ass very hard," Jeff only croaked those words before he cramped and his shoulders tensed. Slowly he relaxed again and very carefully retracted his hand.
He gave Cody an almost happy glare whilst he touched the younger man's hand.
"I thought you were healed," Jeff whispered hoarsely.
"I am, apparently," Cody replied dryly feeling the result of Jeff's actions smearing over his hand. He shivered but didn't move.
"You're not. Hell, you're crazier than me," Jeff said in a thick southern accent.
"I'm living in a small apartment in the city. I have five locks on my door and check them every two hours. I hate my reflection because I hardly know myself. I don't want to know myself, though. I rarely speak to people. Every now and then Teddy calls and asks how I am. I always lie to him. I never go out because I hate it outside. I'm scared to live and too afraid to die. I've developed a sexually deviant behaviour by masturbating frequently and add pain into the act. I tried the S/M shit and found it boring because I was given a safety word. I had to be thinking about you the most. Because you are the better profiler and I thought, I was good at that. I should eat more they say, but it always reminds me of my dad and I rather don't dare to think about him. I'm having visions of the victims," Cody let out a sad laugh before he went on. "I see them sometimes and I see you as well. You are a very annoying part of my mind that I would love to see erased. Don't get me wrong, I won't deny that I'm aroused by you. Hell, I'm even hard but tomorrow you will be killed. They will pump you up with poison and you will die. I'm not sad about that. I won't cry because I'm glad that it will happen."
It was the first time that Jeff was rendered speechless. More because of the sudden feeling of losing the upper hand than the actual content. What Cody hadn't fully realized was that Jeff didn't give a fuck. He shrugged and crossed his arms over his chest before he asked, "Will you watch?"
Everything so bravely and honestly said somehow felt shallow and Cody made a fist in anger. "Watch you die?"
"Yeah. You could, couldn't you? You were a victim so you'd have the right to. Listening to all of this pathetic crap and your miserable life seemed to suggest you should watch me die. You can find closure or something…"
"Sometimes I wonder how you were before you killed your brother," Cody almost whispered and they both fell silent. It seemed that mentioning Jeff's first victim had deprived him of this arrogant confidence. For the first time, Jeff took his gaze away from Cody and stared blankly across the room.
The older man was no longer willing to talk or to play. The whole meeting had gained a bitter taste and he wanted it to be over. It had been nice to mess around with Cody but now he was done. He hadn't masturbated successfully for a few months due the complete lack of energy. Not even the most violent images of taking a young boys life could change that.
Cody had helped with that problem and Jeff believed that to be a good casual thing. He was tired of the younger man's whining and self-hatred. He would certainly not share anything regarding his brother with Cody. Besides, he had shared it once and that seemed more than enough.
Nevertheless, when Cody stood up Jeff felt a stinging pain inside of him. Frantically he tried to get the emotion under the control but was helpless. A very simple emotion and one he hadn't allowed himself to feel for so long. He was scared. Scared of tomorrow and usually he didn't care.
"Will you watch?" Jeff asked again lifting his eyes.
For whatever reason it was only now getting to him that he was about to die. A dozen thoughts overwhelmed him. They all ended un-answered because he had no idea what he should expect. If any of the religions were true, he surely would end up in hell. But what was hell?
"Do you want me to?"
Why should I want that? Jeff wondered to himself but slowly nodded. It wasn't that he felt close to Cody but mostly because he was the only real person he still knew.
After being declared a serial killer his social status had dropped to zero and it was safe to say that not one single family member would be present for this event.
The question was did he want to be killed without someone at least knowing him? It didn't matter under what circumstances but at least Cody knew a part of him. Knew the why and probably could even figure the reason why Jeff had to do it. He had no regrets and felt no remorse for the victims. Those points of morality had been ripped away from him when he had been tied to a tree. Alone in the woods and surrounded by darkness. Jeff however despised pity more than anything. He had had a choice and he had made it. Inflicting pain on those boys had given him pleasure and satisfaction and he would surely do it again, if he was given the choice.
"Actually, yes. I would prefer if you spare me a psychological explanation for that and simply come. Besides it might fuck you up even worse and since you're obviously looking for that…"
Cody noticed that for the first time Jeff's confidence was downright fake. Yet, he found himself nodding, saying, "I'll be there."
With that, he left. When Cody stepped outside the building and breathed in the fresh air a smile caressed his face. Nobody had said anything so he presumed that they had been unwatched. It wouldn't have mattered anyway; nonetheless he was still a bit relieved that nobody had witnessed the rather unconventional situation.
That was not the reason he smiled, though. Despite what had been said and how much he revealed of himself he felt a bit like the stronger player. It had surprised him that Jeff's question for him to watch him die had been sincere. Cody was not too keen on watching someone die but he gained a little moment of satisfaction out of the fact that Jeff had shown something human to him.
It wasn't that he wanted to be loved or anything stupid like that. He had gotten over that already but he somewhat wanted to feel connected. Because that would give him his own made up excuse for the intimacy. There was a connection that had clouded his judgment years ago. That had deprived him of his natural gift. It didn't matter if no one else would buy that theory as long as Cody believed it.
It was almost three o'clock in the afternoon when Cody arrived. He was given another nametag and shown to a small room with chairs rowed up. A curtain in an ugly dark green covered a glass window. Cody sat down silently with his hands folded inside his lap.
His eyes wandering through the room and he watched the entering people curiously.
He noticed a few parents of victims but not all of them and he guessed that some couldn't bare the idea of being here. Cody was aware that some of them threw him piercing glances but ignored them by staring blankly at the curtain. His body felt highly agitated and he found himself moving his knee up and down.
Cody felt sick and could barely hide his nervousness the faster time passed. He wondered about Jeff and wondered what the killer would feel now. His dad almost had been killed by the state as well.
What do you think when you walk down death row?
Jeff wondered it himself for he was barely able to even hold on to a single thought. He wasn't feeling devastated. The truth was he barely felt anything, which partly was the result of some tranquilizers. He had declined them but had been more or less ignored. In the end, he had swallowed them.
Originally, he wanted to reply something sharply witty to the question for his last meal but ended up saying pizza. Because he couldn't see the importance and therefore was too lazy to come up with something original. He declined to see a priest by laughing out loud at the suggestion, snarling, "No, thanks I think I have to make amends on a different level."
As he followed the brown line on the concrete of the corridor, he was freshly showered and shaved. Nobody had visited him accept for Cody and his lawyer. Nobody had asked about either aside from curious reporters. Nobody cared about Jeffrey Hardy. Well, a few did.
Outside of the prison a few demonstrators waved their flags against death penalty. Jeff couldn't care less. He was brought into a white room and his eyes locked at the metal table covered by a white blanket. He found it sadly unspectacular and sterile.
Jeff couldn't help but feel the strong pulse inside him growing louder as he lay down on the table. Aside from very quiet explanations as to what would be done to him, the room was completely silent. They tied his feet and arms to the table and short wave of panic rushed through him.
He hated being tied up; it reminded him too much of the moment everything began, or rather ended. When they tightened the leather straps around his wrists he let out an unplanned faint whimper. He shifted and felt the restrains holding him confide to the table. It was then that his eyes filled with tears.
Not of despair but simply because he was scared. Somebody was reading his conviction and followed the protocol. Jeff turned his head to the side when they opened the curtain. He stared through the glass and noticed Cody. His eyes locked with the profiler because he really didn't know anyone else that was watching him lying there.
He wasn't feeling ashamed for what he had done but ashamed for his miserable position. An amused smile suddenly lay over his facial feature when he felt someone working on his arm. Part of the skin was wet with an antiseptic and Jeff shortly wondered why before he winced at a stinging pain.
The liquid spread through his veins and his nerve system and he felt his eyes becoming heavy. He was still staring at Cody when they injected a second essence into the same vein. Everything seemed to go so quietly and Jeff was disappointed. Yet, he himself was unable to even produce a sound.
Something inside of him suddenly rebelled against the affect of the drug. His body realized that it was dying and sought out to start all resources left. Jeff vaguely noticed tears trailing down his cheeks and unconsciously ripped on the bonds. He felt life rushing out of him and he was completely helpless against it.
His eyes fluttered closed and opened up again as if he was still holding on, though for what? He couldn't prevent it. Unless somebody would start moving a hand to prevent his heartbeat from stopping, he was inevitably dying. He was still unsure if he truly wanted that when everything around became cold.
Why are they watching? He briefly wondered about the eyes of so many strangers. In the distant, he believed to have spotted Matthew. Interesting, he thought confused over his sudden vision.
Cody knew the moment it was over. His eyes had been fixed at the dying body and watched Jeff's chest suddenly moved up fast and slowly coming down. There was nothing but silence after that. Cody stared into the lifeless face with a lump in his throat. He watched the medic declaring him dead and the curtain was pulled again.
The whole act didn't take longer than twenty minutes. Twenty minutes and Jeff was dead. Ironically that was ridiculously shorter than the time he used to torture his victims. It happened without much glamour. Cody wondered if the relatives of the victims had found closure.
He left, hiding from the press and quickly booked the next flight home. All the way to the airport, he was not showing any sign of emotion. At the airport his body, however reacted to his mental state and he found himself throwing up more than three times. Luckily, he managed to live through the flight without having to release himself.
Cody had not told anybody he was coming home and took a cab back to his apartment. He had not lied to Jeffrey. He was living alone and when he stepped into the small space that had become his safe haven, he checked all five locks on the door.
Tiredly he let himself sink onto the bed and was greeted by a red cat. He let himself fall back and closed his eyes trying to ignore the constant feeling of dizziness. His hand tenderly brushed over the cat that snuggled purring next to him.
A few folders were spread out on the table. Files the FBI had sent him. He hadn't looked at them and wasn't ready for another case. The phone rang but he wasn't answering, lying motionless on his bed. Tomorrow I'll fall back into the routine, he thought whilst his mind was drifting away.
And that, my dear readers, is the end. I had a little tear whilst writing this chapter.
Thank you so much for reading and all of your lovely comments. Be sure to check out my new story Nuts that I shall upload tomorrow.
Throws Cody cakes to everyone