My Big Fat Ninja Wedding

Chapter 1

"It's amazing, isn't it?" Abumi Zaku held up the diamond to the light of the sun streaming into the small jewelry store from the picture windows,"Men have conquered nations, waged wars, enslaved and killed each other just to have something like this . . . A shiny crystal."

"You're bumming me out, Windbag." Kidoumaru grinned, "Can you set it?"

Zaku grunted in aggravation, "Can I set it? Can I set it?! I could implant it into your third eye if I wanted!"

The store owner, Tani, slid over and stood next to the apprentice jeweler, "I have a lot of faith in Zaku here, he's a natural."

Kidoumaru nodded, "I know, it's just so much fun to tease him. We wouldn't have come all the way to Kusagakure if we didn't think he could do the job."

Zaku gave a cocky grin, "You probably thought I could give you a discount. Sorry, but I can't."

Kidoumaru shrugged, "It wouldn't be the same if I was cheap, would it?" He turned to Sakura, "Only the best for you, Babe."

Sakura smiled, "You're the best for me . . ."

Zaku made a puking sound, "Take it outside, please!"

Kidoumaru smiled, Zaku had grown quite a bit since coming back from the dead, now he was sixteen and holding both a steady job and a steady relationship. Kidoumaru himself had changed, he was seventeen now, taller, healthier, happier and more easygoing than he'd ever been in Otogakure. He was a Chuunin, an instructor at the academy, adopted by a great clan and, most of all, engaged to be married . . . Life was good. Now they were shopping for wedding rings.

"You guys are coming over for dinner tonight, right?"

"Of course, I wouldn't turn down an invitation for free food!" Zaku smirked and winked at Kidoumaru, "So, Kidoumaru, are you planning on breaking Kankurou's two day non-stop record?"

Kidoumaru blushed, "That's none of your business!"

They turned all at the sound of the door opening, "You #! Should really get a #! Bigger sign!" Tayuya walked in, dragging a half-awake Shikamaru.

Zaku groaned, "Hi, Shikamaru! . . . Oh no, she's here . . . Hey, Tani-San, this is the girl I was telling you about, the one with the mouth."

Tani nodded, "I figured that."

"You little . . ." Tayuya caught herself, "We got lost trying to find this place."

Kidoumaru shook his head, If they hadn't stopped to make out, we could have all come here together.

"She's not coming to dinner is she?"

"Hell yes I am!" Tayuya grinned at Zaku, then pulled Shikamaru over to the nearest counter to examine the wares. She pointed forcefully at a large, expensive diamond ring, "That one!" Shikamaru shook his head, but knew better than to argue with her.

Kidoumaru truly hated to admit it, but his former teammate and future sister-in-law had really filled out. He shuddered and turned back to Zaku, "Now, I was thinking a cherry blossom design on her ring . . ."

Tayuya grinned, "Hey, Spidey! Did you know I'm getting you a wedding gift?"

"Really?" Kidoumaru asked before he could stop himself.

"Yeah, six sticks of deodorant!"

Kidoumaru groaned, "I think I'll get Shikamaru a muzzle to keep you quiet."

Tayuya stepped over to Sakura, "Trust me, after a workout he smells like week-old #!"

Sakura just shook her head, "Tayuya, just stuff it before I put a fist in it!"

"Geeze, nobody around here can take a #! joke . . ."

So, he has money, too . . . The glowing green eyes narrowed as Kakuzu watched his partner's killer from the shadows of a nearby rooftop, I could get him on the train, but then he'd have paid his fair . . . The Missing-Nin considered for a moment, With Kidoumaru and the others, he's pretty well protected. I have to find a way to get him alone . . . He crouched on the rooftop, I'll have your head, Nara Shikamaru. Believe it.


"This is delicious, Tomoe-San." Kidoumaru nodded politely.

"I should hope so, Mizuki cooked it." Tomoe laughed and gestured toward the blue-haired Chuunin.

Kidoumaru grinned sheepishly, "Sorry about that. It's really good though."

"Thanks." Mizuki smiled.

The table in the Naraku house had proven too small for the gathering, so they had decided to have a picnic on the savannah. Akira, Tomoe, Eiji, Zaku, Kin, Mizuki, Kidoumaru, Sakura, Shikamaru and Tayuya were all sitting in a clearing, eating.

"So, Tayuya," Kin leaned toward the foul-mouthed girl, "Any tips on how to get a man to propose?"

"Easy! Don't #! give him a chance to say no!"

Kin grinned and hooked an arm around Zaku, "You will marry me!"

Zaku jumped, "WHAT?!"

Everyone laughed, and Kin pulled him closer, "Eiji wouldn't lecture us if we were married . . ."

"You're still too young." Eiji stood up and dusted a few blades of grass from his jeans.

"Ah, you're just old, Granny."

"I could still kick your puny little butt, kid."

"Bring it on, old man." As Eiji went to ruffle his hair, Zaku pulled him down and two began play wrestling in the grass.

Shikamaru yawned and stretched out on the ground, "This is a nice place, perfect for cloud-watching and napping."

"You could sleep on hot coals, Shikamaru. I can't imagine being so lazy." Mizuki grinned, "I still remember trying to help Iruka teach you, it was like lecturing a rock."

Shikamaru smiled sleepily, "How many buckets of cold water do you think you poured on me in class over the years?"

"Not enough."


Kakuzu crouched hidden in the long, thick grass several yards away, all the love and family togetherness making him sick.

Killing this kid will be an act of mercy, who'd want to spend the rest of their life with that red-headed harpy?

To be continued...