My Big Fat Ninja Wedding


"So, you made up with Shino?" Eiji wasn't convinced. Zaku was a good kid, and he loved his adoptive brother, but every time he'd tried to come to terms with the young Aburame he couldn't do it. "This isn't a trap to get him alone and cut his arms off, is it?"

"No. I was just my usual generous self and decided to forgive him."

Eiji laughed, "Sure... Still, I'm glad. It's better for you both, in the long run. Its not good, letting hate eat you up like that." He smiled, "I'm proud, my little brother is growing up."

"Little? Little?" Zaku huffed, "I'm not little!"

"You're too self-conscious about your height... Besides, you've grown quite a bit since we first met. You're not short."

"Force of habit." Zaku admitted

"Of course, most of your height is your hair..."



"Well", Kidoumaru sighed, "They just don't make beds strong enough..."

Sakura giggled as they looked over the ruined bed.

"They don't design them with you in mind, apparently."

"Hey, Babe, you contributed plenty..."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"God no!" Kidoumaru held up all six hands, "I mean you're powerful! That's all!"

Sakura smiled and stroked his dark face, "I wonder if Shikamaru and Tayuya have this problem."

Kidoumaru shuddered at the thought of Tayuya actually doing that.

"There goes my appetite..." Kidoumaru stuck a finger down his throat and made a gagging sound.

"You act like she's some sort of horrible monster..." Sakura paused for a moment, "Okay, in a way, maybe, but she's not ugly..."

"I hope they're not going with us to Namigakure."

"The only reason Tayuya would have for going to Nami would be to kill Kisame for holding them hostage."

"I'm surprised they haven't left for wherever they're going yet. Most of our family has gone home."

"Have you met Nara Shikamaru? It would take an earthquake to get his lazy butt to move!" Sakura laughed.

"Tayuya's far more threatening than an earthquake..."


Tayuya picked Shikamaru up and slung him over her shoulder.

"Again?" He whined.

"Nope, we're going on our Honeymoon." She headed for the door.

Shika blushed wildly. He was stark naked.

"At least let me put some clothes on!" He begged.

Tayuya laughed evilly and smacked Shika's bare bottom. "You better dress mighty quick, lazy-a**, or all of Konoha's gonna see everything you've got!"

As soon as his feet hit the ground, Shika ran faster than she'd ever seen him move to get dressed.


"Goodbye, Windbag. Smell you later."

Zaku smirked, "That pelt smells worse than Dog-Boy, Dosu."

Kiba snarled playfully at the departing boy.

Eiji and his family were climbing aboard the train for Kusagakure.

"We're's Tayuya and Shikamaru?" Kin looked around.

"I don't know about Tayuya, but Shika's probably still handcuffed to The Bed of Horrors." Kidoumaru grinned, "I - OUCH!"

Tayuya stood behind him, having just slapped him in the head, an embarrassed looking Shikamaru standing behind her, "Horrors? What's so horrible, Spider-a**?"

"Uhm, the thought of actually having a relationship with you..."

Wrong answer.

Tayuya kicked him in the knee, "You might have six #$! arms, but you only got two #$! legs!"

"OUCH! See, she's pure evil! She's trying to cripple me!"

Zaku laughed, "I'll have to remember that next time Eiji starts annoying me."

"Do it and you'll get a spanking you'll feel for the rest of your life!" Eiji said.

"From you or from Kin?"

"Perverted little punk..." Eiji laughed.

"Sorry, Eiji, but his scrawny butt belongs to me." Kin grinned wolfishly.

"Scrawny?" Zaku objected, "I'm in great shape!"

Akira shook his head, "Come on, children," They bristled at being called 'children', "The train is about to leave."

"Bye, everybody but Tayuya!" Zaku waved.

"See ya' Shorty!" Tayuya waved.

"I'm not short!"

"I wasn't talking about your height, little boy!"

Zaku blushed twelve shades of red as several people laughed.

"And they call me a pervert? Be careful Shika, she'll tear you apart first chance she gets!" He saw her pull out her flute and wisely decided to duck back into the train.

They stood there for a while as the train pulled away, then Tayuya dragged Shika off, ready for a change in scenery.

"Poor Shikamaru." Kidoumaru sighed, "There but for The Grace of God..."

A sharp slap to his backside got his attention.


"C'mon, let's get to Nami already." Sakura smiled, "Unless you want another spanking."

Suigetsu, Sakon and Ukon, Dosu and Kiba laughed at their poor whipped friends.

And then Tenten came and drug Kiba off.

"Man, if I ever try to get married, just kill me!" Suigetsu said, "I couldn't live with the shame!"

"Amen, brother." Ukon chuckled.

The End.