Spy to the heart.
The war between Light and Dark is raging. Snape has been claimed as a traitor and the Order of the Phoenix needs a new spy. But will Hermione be able to live up to the challenge? Or will they be defeated?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters
Chapter 1: I'll do it
At first Hermione didn't believe she had actually said it. But as the whole Order had turned to look at her she was guessing she had voiced the thought that had been running through her head all through the meeting. When no one reacted she repeated herself. "I'll do it" her voice may have been unsteady but she held her head high, daring defiance. The silence was overwhelming for a few seconds. And she grew more and more uncomfortable. She cleared her throat to speak then like an explosion the shouting broke out. Hermione winced at the sudden noise.
The meeting she had been waiting for had finally been called. But when she'd arrived the amount of people there had disheartened her. They were supposed to be discussing spy possibilities but how was that possible with so many people? They'd been here an hour and all they'd done is moaned and whined about how they were losing and how they had been right about Professor Snape- she winced. He was just Severus Snape now. She still wasn't used to it. His departure – she liked to call it that - from the Order had thrown those in charge into the deep end. And everybody else was so full of their own opinions it was sickening. What did they know about him really? Most of them didn't even know he was a spy to start with. They had no idea of the hardships he had gone through for all of their sakes. She was in a room full of ignorant, selfish hypocrites.
Now he was gone, accused with the heartless murder of Albus Dumbledore. And they needed a replacement. It was a huge decision, and there were way too many members present for the discussion. Especially since Voldemort had his own spies within the Order. So far the meeting had been a waste of time. Some foolish youngsters had sought to become the next spy but they were practically laughed out of the suggestion. One of the volunteers had been a soon furious and red faced Ginny Weasley.
She hadn't meant to voice out her suggestion until she was alone with Harry but the endless circles must have driven her madder than she thought. She was fed up with sitting and doing nothing. It was eating her up inside, but there had been so many young deaths already. And the biggest blow was that her best friend was missing. Ron Weasley had been taken nearly two weeks ago…today. And it was the three week anniversary of her parent's death as well. There was only so much she could take. Was it any wonder she snapped?
She remembered the last time she had seen him so clearly. His smile, his smell as he hugged her goodbye and the way he had promised everything would be fine. She'd wished him good luck and let him go. It was hard to remember exactly what happened after that. She had waited for hours after the other members from the raid returned, each in various states. She did her duty in tending the wounded. Examining every battered and bloodied face desperately, searching for him, or any trace of him in their memories. People had seen her distress and tried to comfort her, filling her head with empty hope. She wasn't an idiot; she knew how hope was wasted, but at first she couldn't help herself, then the despair had set in. Not even Harry was able to comfort her after that. No matter how he had hid his grief for the fight, she knew it had hit him harder than everyone else. She didn't even see him anymore. He always seemed to be busy with Order work. Anyone that looked at him could tell it was beginning to take its toll on him. She hadn't been so controlled; the grief had consumed her for too long, confining her to her room. But now her blood boiled with new emotions, fury and a calculated determination for revenge.
She clenched her fists beneath the table and started to tune in to the noise, catching a few familiar voices above the crowd.
"You can't!" Molly exclaimed loudly, trying to get someone to listen to her.
"It's too dangerous!" Someone else shouted.
"You don't know Occulmency." Ginny added slyly from the doorway. She wasn't even supposed to be here but there were still some nods of agreement.
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Remus finally roared. Immediately everyone went silent. Hermione couldn't stop the blush that flooded her cheeks as now everyone stared at her. Remus was looking at her too and was about to open his mouth to speak when Molly spoke softly directly to her.
"I'm not sure if this is…you're still at school dear…it's way to dangerous" Hermione suddenly felt her anger and frustration over turn the calm demeanour she had been attempting to portray.
She looked around the room. "Look at yourselves! Bickering like children when someone steps forward to do something we have been talking about for too long." She turned her gaze to Molly.
"What does school have to do with it? What is the point of a school run by Death Eaters? Most of your know who I am, and what I am? What's the point of pouring everything into school work when it could be yanked out of my grasp at any second? Term doesn't start for a few months and when it does, how will it be run? The only person who was protecting it is now dead. This is why we are here."
She paused, aware of the silence in the room as people actually listened for once, then turned her eyes to the red haired girl glaring at her.
"And for your information…" She paused for a second, feeling a twinge of uncertainty as to whether to reveal what she'd been hiding, especially considering the controversy surrounding people in her story. Finally she made her decision, she swallowed and spoke. "I've been learning Occlumency for nearly a year" She paused momentarily and before people got over the shock and started talking again she took another deep breath and continued "Severus Snape started teaching me about the same time he was teaching Harry". Harry was the first to speak through the shock.
"Why didn't you say?" He finally asked softly those green eyes looking intensely into hers. Hermione looked away.
"I just wanted to know if I could do it…Severus…" She paused again at the angry faces at the mention of his name. She cleared her throat at the mistake then continued "S- he offered to help me…he also started to teach me…Legilimency " There were a small number of murmurs that followed this statement while most of the group continued to sit in a shocked silence. Hermione considered showing them the memory but instead met Harry's eyes. He seemed to get the message and attempted to access her mind, using his wand inconspicuously by his side. She pushed the memory forward to help him.
"Miss Granger. I believe this is yours?" Snape thrust a book into her hands 'Occlumency for beginners: How to protect you mind and what's in it' Hermione realised to her embarrassment she must have left it in the classroom. "…Th…Thank you sir" Hermione blushed lightly as she slipped the book back into her bag.
"So you are interested in learning Occlumency?" Hermione nodded slightly and Snape raised an eyebrow "You do realise how few witches and wizards have the…" He sneered at her and Hermione wished she wasn't alone "…mental capacity to become Occlumens?" When she didn't say anything he continued "But I'm sure you feel that you could do it, like the insufferable know-it-all you are" Hermione looked to the floor. Blushing furiously and determined not to say anything that would get her in trouble. "Well?" he snapped. Hermione raised her eyes to look into his. Those deep black holes that glared at her mockingly. She felt a small presence at the back of her mind she and immediately broke the eye contact. Remembering what she'd read about Legilimency. She'd had enough.
"May I go now please…sir" She said the last word with as much distaste as possible. He nodded and she headed away. Trying to make it look like she wasn't fleeing.
"Miss Granger" He called and Hermione stopped in her tracks and turned round the face the potions master expectantly,"You may be an insufferable know-it-all but if you wish me to teach you will come to my office tonight at nine. Do not be late" As he turned and walked away, robes billowing she couldn't stop the small smug smile that found itself on her face. He may be a greasy git but he was definitely the teacher she needed.
Then the memory was gone, he didn't search for anything else instead a soft voice from inside her heard spoke "Hermione are you sure about this? I know you're still upset about Ron…" Hermione broke the contact forcibly. Then leant on a chair for a second, breathing deeply. It wasn't pleasant and it had been so hard not to break away. She had to when she heard him though. Harry looked surprised for a few seconds then his features reassembled themselves. Only a few people seemed to realise what had happened.
"I know what I'm doing Harry. I want to help and if no one else is willing to…" Hermione avoided looking at Ginny "I'd rather it was me" Harry sighed
"Ok, I guess we can discuss it in a bit-" then he was interrupted by an outraged Ginny who was no longer merely hovering by the doorway.
"You are actually considering this? It's stupid! She's barely older than I am and I've lost people to. Ron…" She hiccupped "Ron…was…is my brother" tears were gliding down her face now like little crystals twinkling in the light. "Why not pick me? I'm just as good as she is!"
"Ginny you not old enough" Arthur said to his hysterical daughter.
"Well neither is she!" Ginny was pointing at Hermione now.
"Ginny she'll be seventeen in a few weeks, you're not sixteen yet"
"Fine!" she seemed to calm herself down. "But don't you remember what she did last time she was fighting?" she looked around, a cool look on her face, "At least if you sent me, I wouldn't-"
"That's enough Ginny" Molly snapped suddenly but Hermione went cold, Ginny wouldn't do that to her…would she? But the way that Ginny was glaring at her made her think that she would.
"Ginny that was ages ago – Ginny please" Hermione's voice barely carried to the girl. Harry seeing a disaster about to happen walked up to the redhead and held both her arms, green eyes boring into hers. It was a battle of will and she struggled at his grasp for a second, her cool demeanour giving way to panic. Then with a last look at Hermione she broke down and collapsed in his arms silent tear's now pouring down her face. Harry walked her over to her mother and sat her down, as soon as he'd let go Molly put her arms around her daughter and rocked her slightly whispering comforts to her. Hermione still felt the cold running through her. Harry looked at her and nodded towards the door. Hermione took the hint and left noticing how quiet everyone was as she crossed the room. As soon as the door closed behind her she heard the room burst into life as everyone clamoured to speak at once, the people that didn't know were asking the people they thought should know. But then it went silent and Hermione guessed someone had put a silencing charm on the room. She sighed and decided to wait in her room while they talked about her.
She'd only just lain down on her bed when there was a loud knocking on the door and Charlie walked in a small smile on his face. "Charlie!" Hermione jumped up a smile or her face then threw her arms around him. He placed a quick kiss on her lips. Hermione moved away and sat on her bed. Charlie leaned against the door frame smirking slightly. "I could have been changing you know" Hermione said laughing and chucking her pillow at him. But he just dodged it and jumped on the bed with her, tickling her incessantly. When she begged for mercy he bent over her and placed a quick kiss on her lips. Before straightening up and looking serious
"What do you think your doing? Volunteering to become a spy?" his blue eyes so like Ron's met her chocolate ones. Hermione couldn't hold the gaze for long; she looked away, doubting her idea even more now. She didn't know what she could say to justify herself. She didn't even know why she was trying to do this.
Charlie and her had been dating for about two weeks now. He'd been there for her when Ron went missing. A shoulder to cry on when the pain became to much, a warm body to hold her innocently when the dark emptiness of the night tried to swallow her up, a person she could talk to, who understood her fear and was willing to talk about their own. She thought she loved Ron but now she was sure it had just been brotherly love. Though whenever she thought about it a twinge of guilt went through her. Was she desecrating his memory by not doing her old feelings for him justice in her thoughts? But it was how she felt, whenever Charlie was around her heart fluttered. It was a completely different feeling. It may not be love but it was as close as she could get at the moment. Charlie placed a hand under her chin and made her look back into his bright eyes.
"I don't know" She said softly "I just want to actually do something, I'm fed up with just sitting in this house. No one will let me go on raids since…" He put his strong arms around her and she leaned into his chest, loving the feeling of being safe with his arms around her. She could feel his strong fingers soothingly running through her curls.
"I understand" he muttered into her ear. Hermione would have liked to stay like that forever but there was another knock on the door and Remus poked his head around
"Hermione, there you are. Do you mind coming back down?" Hermione nodded and pulled herself off Charlie and moved towards the door. She turned to Charlie and lent on the door frame.
"You coming?" She asked gently. Charlie stood up and shook his head and Hermione felt a hint of sadness run through her. She felt like she needed his support but…
He took her hand and led her past Remus and down the stairs. When they got to the bottom he sighed and kissed her deeply. "I've got to go, but I'll see you soon" He placed another quick kiss on her lips before walking away. While Hermione waited for Remus to come down the stairs and lead the way into the room she wondered to herself when she would get to see him again and if he was right about her idea. For some reason her nerves were eating at her. As she finally followed him into the room she noticed that most of the people had left, leaving only a select few. Out of the Weasley's only Arthur remained. She knew most of them but those she didn't she guessed where Aurors. They all sat round a table, papers were scattered all along it. Remus motioned for Hermione to sit but she remained standing. It seemed too much like a trial for her to be comfortable sitting. Harry stared at her encouragingly and she reluctantly sat on the seat offered, feeling self conscious as the people in the room stared at her. Until eventually Harry spoke.
"Hermione, you know how problematic this could become for us. A lot is at stake, we've really only got one chance to make this work" He paused
"You're age is obviously an issue but these Aurors have told us there is a way to block the trace for a short amount of time, until your seventeen." He looked over his notes like he was reading her CV. "But there is another issue. You've got to promise us that you are…capable of controlling yourself" Hermione was about to object but changed her mind and nodded. "Obviously we won't send you straight in, you will have to practice and we will have to come up with a game plan" It took her a second to understand that this was their consent. When no one spoke after that she understood that she was dismissed and she got up to leave, when she was about to step out of the room she felt a hand on her arm. It was Remus, his eyes sought hers and he said softly.
"Hermione you understand how dangerous this is? You might have to get the Dark Mark Hermione; you might have to do dreadful things…" Hermione looked away but found herself drawn back to the eyes. His voice took on a different tone now, it was almost desperate.
"You're risking your sanity on practically a suicide mission. You've got so much to experience of life. You can't want to just throw that away?" Hermione looked back to the rest of the wizards sitting. Remus noticed her glance. "Hermione, they won't mind if you back out" but that wasn't what Hermione was looking at. She was trying to decide whether they were listening. When they did not seem to be she spoke just as softly as he just had.
"I don't think my sanity is a big issue at the minute" she whispered then turned and walked away. She was not going to be considered as a nut case. She was determined to finish what she started, determined to get her revenge on the bastard that had taken Ron from her. Whatever cost she had to pay, the result would be worth it. She considered going up to her room but froze on the steps. The group wasn't leaving. What if they were talking about her? She considered walking back to the door and listening but decided it wouldn't be worth getting caught. Instead she quickly ran upstairs and pulled out an old extendable ear from its hiding place and headed back down stairs. Finding a spot close enough for the ear to reach she sat down and sent the listening end to the door. Harry's voice was suddenly heard.
"But how would we get him to accept her? How can we fool him…?" His voice trailed off. There was silence in the group.
"We need to get a Death Eater on our side" Arthur muttered.
"But if we could get a Death Eater on our side we wouldn't need Hermione..."
Hermione knew one Death Eater that would help her. But she knew the Order would never accept it… or rather him. Maybe if she could meet him without the Order knowing… She attempted to touch Harry's mind through the door but instead she encountered a block, it wasn't incredibly strong but it was there. She smiled with pride, glad that his practice had finally paid off; with the block and accessing her mind earlier he was definitely improving. But she did sense he was tired.
You look exhausted" she heard Remus say gently.
"This needs to be sorted…"
"Harry you need to get some sleep" there were some faint protests but Remus interrupted.
"Listen, you haven't slept properly for days. You're working to hard"
"Remus is right Harry, we should discuss this tomorrow." Arthur joined in.
"I guess I've been outnumbered. We'll continue this tomorrow around six" there was a pause where Harry probably shook the Aurors hands. "Thank you for coming." Another pause but this was filled with scraping chairs. "Try to think about how we can do this; I don't need to tell you how vital this is, now goodnight" At this she heard footsteps as everyone headed to the door. Hermione quickly withdrew the ear and watched as one by one they left the house and apparated away. Finally Remus and Harry left the room. Harry muttered something to the werewolf but he shook his head then Harry spoke again normally.
"Are you sleeping here tonight Remus?" he asked. But she saw him shake his head.
"I've got to go and talk to the pack of werewolves that are thinking of joining us; I probably won't be back tonight." Harry nodded in understanding
"Good luck. And remember there's always a place here for you" surprising both Hermione and Harry Remus suddenly pulled Harry into an embrace and muttered something to him. Hermione felt though she was intruding so quickly and quietly made her way up the stairs. She waited for Harry to enter his room then took a potion out of her collection of bottles (she had a lot of spare time) to him, knocking quietly before she entered. When she opened the door he was lying in bed, she handed him the dreamless sleep potion. He took it gratefully then lay back and closed his eyes. Hermione started to leave the room but before she closed the door she whispered
"Harry? Harry?" He opened one eye sleepily "Can I borrow Hedwig?" Harry nodded before closing his eyes again. Hedwig flew to Hermione and she closed the door as quietly as possible. The snowy owl rested on her arm all the way up to Hermione's room. She had lived there since her parents were killed. Tears came to her eyes at the thought. She used to share the room with Ginny on the rare occasion the girl stayed. Well that was going to happen even less now. Hermione sighed and sat down on her desk, pulling out a piece of parchment and a quill. Unsure about what to put she sat there staring at Hedwig for a while. Wondering what she could write that wouldn't seem suspicious should anyone else read it. In the end she just decided to keep it simple. And hope she wasn't ambushed. But somehow she didn't think her old potions master would do that to her.
Severus
Meet me tomorrow at 8. The same place we met the last time. I need to talk to you. I hope you come.
Hermione
Hermione frowned at the letter but she couldn't be bothered to alter it. She just wanted to go to bed and think a little before going to sleep. She had to be up early tomorrow to help cook breakfast. It was one of the things she had taken up to pass the time. Molly was the cook sometimes but she didn't stay at Headquarters often so it was down to Tonks mostly. She wasn't exactly the best cook so someone had to stand in and help. There weren't many people that actually stayed at Headquarters. A lot of them just came by at different times during the day. Most of them hadn't eaten because of raids or other missions. At the beginning she had been cautious about what she did around the house but then she realised Kreacher simply hated her anyway, no matter how she tried to be friendly to him.
Charlie could only come by for a couple of hours a day, if that sometimes. When the house was empty or silent late at night she found she missed Ron the most. He had always been there to talk to. Hermione sighed and tied the note to Hedwig's leg. "Take it to Severus" she whispered and an affectionate nip was her reply. She opened the window and watched Hedwig fly into the night. Hermione didn't know whether she would get a reply but she hoped he would get the note and show up. She shivered when a gust of wind rushed in so she closed the window. Reasoning that Hedwig would either tap or she would get up before the owl got back. Hermione stripped off and pulled an old t-shirt of Ron's on. She knew it was slightly strange but she liked feeling that he was close to her. She climbed into bed and closed her eyes. Attempting to clear her mind before sleeping like Snape had always told her to. She smiled at the thought. It had been so long…
I have altered this chapter from its original so I apologise if the alternations have confused anyone.