A small figure decked in crimson darted down the halls of Hogwarts into a classroom , leaping into his seat just seconds before the professor was set to arrive.

"Ed! You nearly lost us house points." hissed Hermione from his left. Ed rolled his eyes in response. He had a viable reason for being late. The Colonel Bastard had threatened to eject him from the castle and have him return to Amestris if his report was late again. Ed couldn't afford to be dismissed from the school; this lead on the philosopher's stone was too promising.

Professor Lupin strode into the room, announcing the subject for the day. Boggarts. Ed's brain went into overdrive trying to think of his greatest fear. Was it loosing Al? Facing down the homunculi? Having to kill someone? All were plausible.

Ed squeezed through the narrow door into the teacher's lounge. All of the outrageously tall magicians kept pushing him into the rear wall of the room as they crowded around the cupboard. Ed would be one of the last to go; Harry and Lavender were the only students behind him. Snape stormed out of the closet, and quickly gained a moldy old hat and matching handbag.

The boggart streamed through a variety of forms. Now it was a banshee without a voice. Eight more students. A spider lacking legs. Three left. Now one. His turn.

The defanged vampire strode toward him, his shape wavering, melting and molding into a new being. A its new appearance became more and more apparent, Ed's cocky grin slowly faded away. The vampire's black hair grew and gleamed golden in the sun. The cape shrunk into a jumpsuit and black tank-top combo. Sharp red eyes softened into blue. In one of the girl's hands was a wrench. In the other was a bottle of milk.

"Milk is good for you" she crooned, raising the bottle toward him with a sneer. Ed slunk further into the shadows. When Ed refused to take the bottle, she glared and hurled the wrench toward him with deadly speed.

"Ridikulus!" Winry wilted into nothingness. The wrench, however, grew paws, fur, and a big lolling tongue. The canine prepared to pounce and smother Ed under his massive weight as no other object could. Ed has no place to run. With a cry, he raised his wand.

"Ridikulus!" Ed opened his eyes to see what monstrosity he had created. Before him stood a small blond in a scarlet coat. It was a perfect, smirking replica of himself, right down to the small scar over his right eyebrow. The real Ed smirked back. That boggart was pretty dim if he thought Ed was scared of himself.

Then, Ed stopped, puzzled. Something about his doppelganger was different. Slowly, it became obvious. The real Edd was petrified. Before his very eyes he saw himself getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller… soon, he was only three feet tall. Ed was shaking. Then he was one foot tall.

Lupin prepared to step in. The poor boy was clearly immobilize with fear. He didn't want the poor boy to have a heat attack. Ed's face became bright red. Then, suddenly, Ed began to scream.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK THAT CAN'T GO TO THE BEACH BECAUSE HE IS SO SMALL HE SINKS BETWEEN THE GRAINS OF SAND BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DROWNDING BECAUSE HE IS SO TINY HE CAN BREATH OXYGEN ATOMS OUT OF THE WATER?! RIDIKULUS!" screamed Ed, not bothering to take a single breath during the entire tirade. Hermione was surprised it was physically possible to say that much without stopping to breath. She looked down toward the boggart to see what had been created this time. In place of the Edward was a tiny Mustang, complete with miniature uniform and gloves, though his infamous smirk was missing. Ed continued to rant at the poor boggart.


Ed stormed out the door with a final muttered curse, leaving a bewildered class in his wake. Lupin gave a chuckle as the door slammed. Who would have known Ed's greatest fear was becoming even more undersized?

Author's Notes:

I finally fixed up the story! Most of the awkward phrasing has been fixed.

The footnote numbers in the middle of the story are also gone. They were distracting and unnecessary.

"It was a perfect, smirking replica of himself, right down to the small scar over his right eyebrow."

Ed actually does have a small scar over his eye, according to the author. He got it during his fight in Lab 5 and because of his constant brawls, he keeps tearing it open before it heals. That is why he always winds up with blood dripping all over his face whenever he starts exchanging blows.