"IF YOU COULD SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF ME! I'M FRICKIN' BATMAN BABY!"
Alfred sighed as he heard the singing echoing down the halls of the Wayne Manor. Bruce was acting up again.
He placed the pot of Egyptian Liquorice Mint tea on the silver platter next to the dragon fruit jelly and zucchini bread. He picked up the platter and walked down the hall to the living room. As he entered he plastered a wide smile on his face.
"Hey Destiny! I brought you your tea." He placed the platter on the Hannah Montana coffee table. It had never existed before about a month ago. The amazing things money could do…
"OMG! Agent GNO, guess what!" Bruce jumped out of his Hannah Montana beanbag chair and rushed to Alfred's side, his sparkly silver shirt glittering like mad in the light from Dick's bright purple Hannah Montana lamp. He had given both Alfred and Dick Hannah Montana related nicknames ever since the… incident. Alfred was Agent GNO, Dick was Hope, and Bruce himself was Destiny.
"What is it Destiny?" Alfred asked enthusiastically.
"Hannah Montana is going to... she's going to… she…" Suddenly he broke off and stared into space. He automatically turned around and walked to the wall, dropping down to the floor beside Dick.
"…and your favourite colour, and your favourite fruit, and your favourite city in Nunavut, and your favourite brand of nail polish, and your favourite day of the year, and your favourite way to eat eggs." Dick finished his list and smile proudly at the wall he was talking to. He thought he was talking to Hannah Montana, as his condition was slightly worse than Bruce's. While he only collected Hannah Montana mementos, Dick actually thought he was talking to her every day.
But he was really only talking to a picture of her on the wallpaper.
"If this were a movie." Alfred spoke loudly to Bruce distracting him from the wallpaper.
"You'd be the right guy!" He finished, jumping up and smiling brightly at Alfred.
He smiled back. "And I'd be the best friend."
"That you fall in love with!"
"Your Egyptian Liquorice Mint tea is ready Destiny." He said kindly.
"YAY! TEA!" He raced to the coffee table and quickly poured himself a cup. He scooped up a clump of jelly and dropped it into the tea with a splash, then lifted the cup to his mouth and gulped down the whole thing.
"I added the lemon ice cubes just the way you like it Bruce."
"YAY!" When he was finished with the tea he grabbed the zucchini bread and stuffed it in his mouth. After he swallowed, he paused for a moment and closed his eyes. Through all of that, Dick continued to stare at the wall, his face now really close and whispering softly. Alfred couldn't hear what he was saying, and didn't think he wanted to know.
Bruce's eyes shot open and he glared at Alfred.
"The seven things I hate about this tea!" He sang out, dropping the cup to the platter and jumping up. "I thinks that it stinks, it smells gross, you gave me a lethal dose, it tastes weird, it-" Alfred tuned out the singing and gathered up the dishes.
After taking one last glance around the overly pink and purple coloured room, he walked out the door and down the long hall to the kitchen, shaking his head sadly as he went.
As he dumped the Hannah Montana dishes into the sink, he thought about how things were only a month ago, before the Joker had captured Bruce and Dick; before he had tortured them into this obsessed insanity. Forcing two superheroes to watch Hannah Montana for a week straight was simply unforgivable. Now everything they did had something to do with the girly, teenage pop star.
Alfred had even tried bringing the two grown men to meet the girl, hoping that they just might break out of their obsessed little bubble… But he didn't want to think about that incident. They said she was going to come out of the hospital any day now… Luckily, her ribs were only crushed slightly, and after 3 hours of yelling with her agents, they had kindly agreed to tell the public that she had been mauled by a herd of rogue walrus'.
He thought that Bruce and Dick had been improving slightly in the past couple of days, but today had proved him wrong. He shook his head sadly again.
As he was turning to go back to their room, his eye caught something on the front page of today's paper.
"BAT AND BIRD FLY AWAY…?"
He threw the paper in the recycling next to a pile of empty packages of Hannah Montana gummies.
"HEYYY, GET UPPPP, GET LOUDDD, STARTPUMPIN' UP THE PARTY NOW!" Alfred heard Dick and Bruce's voices singing in unison to the CD they had put in their new Hannah Montana stereo which wasn't even for sale to the general public yet, and wouldn't be for another three months.
They would never become Batman and Robin again.
He had known this since nearly the beginning, but he had never realized how it would affect Gotham City. It dawned upon him now that the city would realize their absence sooner or later. They would ask questions, and maybe figure out the truth. He had to do something about it soon.
"OMG HANNAH! THAT DRESS LOOKS ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS ON YOU!" Dick screamed to his imaginary interviewee.
Alfred listened as he heard the sound of Bruce jumping up and down to the new song on the stereo. "YOU GET THE LIMO OUT FRONT! YEAH…"
Suddenly, Alfred's eyes widened. He had an idea. Just because Bruce had gone off the deep end, didn't mean that Batman had to disappear too. Maybe, if somebody else were to take his place… Somebody who knew all of his secrets… Somebody like himself…
He couldn't help but grin at the idea of taking up Bruce's role. He had always felt a small pang of jealousy whenever he had looked out the window at the bat signal, the city's way of calling their mysterious saviour to arms. He had always wished that he was the one going to the rescue instead of Bruce and Dick. This was his chance to shine.
Come on, he thought as the singing rang down the halls, if a couple of insane, obsessive men could save the city, why couldn't he do it too?
A/N: Hi! I was feeling random! and me and my sister had too much sugar! :D
I got the idea for this one day when I was blowdrying my hair... and VOILA!
REVIEW pretty please with a zucchini on top!? Should I continue this?
I probably will anyways cause its so fun to write, but I just want to know if y'all like it or not?