I knew in the moment I woke up that would happen, just like the three times before, she would get up and leave, try and be as quiet and gentle as possible so I don't notice her disappearance from my arms.

Its strange in the dark of night we can take comfort in each other, have a laugh,.a few drinks, a chat, and on the harder nights shed a few tears, but its like the daylight makes reality hit. I cant help thinking back to all those years ago, when all she wanted to do was stay in my arms after we had been together, how I regret those excuses, that I had to help dad, go and meet my mates, work in the shop and so on. Why couldn't I take the valuable gift she had given me, her time and her love. But like everything back then I took it for granted, messed her around. I know I don't deserve her love, her trust, and this abandonment is only what I deserve but it doesn't stop the pain and loneliness invading my heart when she leaves.

I do what I do everytime she disappears; I get out of bed as soon as she is down the stairs and torture myself with the view of her walking away. This time is different though, she looks back to my window, I know she cant see me but it feels like she can, I take a step back further into the room, but still watch her. I don't know why, but I cant help thinking this is it, as if she is saying a final good bye to us, she shakes her head, places her head in her hands for a few moments.

Its when she raises her head and I can see tears in her eyes, I take the chance of going closer to the window, she has seen me this time, she gives me a wry smile, wipes her tears and walks away. I realise that my gut feeling was right, I doubt I will holder her in my arms again, I kick myself for the chances I had to cherish all we could have had.