8It comes out when they're in bed together, wrapped around each other and just so connected. Arthur's been desperate to tell Merlin but too afraid to bring himself to before, but now, entwined as they were, he truly believed they could face this together like everything else. He'd been wrong.
"I'm going to marry Morgana."
Merlin, who'd been lying so lax next to him, suddenly freezes up, and then turns to look at him with this face. It makes Arthur want to scream, to kill himself and to curl up sobbing all at the same time.
"It was always going to happen, Camelot needs an heir and, well, you can't give it one..."
He's babbling now, he knows, but he needs to explain, to pacify Merlin, needs to do something to remove the look he's giving him. Instead – if possible Merlin seems to grow colder, his eyes literally scorching his King.
"Was it really?"
he asks quietly, and Arthur could swear he'd just been stabbed.
"Well it's so nice to know I always meant so much to you."
Stab, stab, stab go his words into Arthur's heart and he finds himself unable to do or say anything but stare aghast at his lover.
"If you'll excuse me, my lord." The withering tone doesn't let up, even as Merlin slips out of bed and stalks out of the room, leaving Arthur's bed as cold as his heart.
Merlin doesn't return that night, and he can't find him anywhere in the morning. When he asks he finds that 'urgent summons' have called Merlin away in the early hours of the morning to something only the court sorcerer can handle. He doesn't return for over a year.
Meanwhile in Camelot Arthur has given up waiting for his lover to return, then given up crying and had married the fair Morgana. Everyone had noticed the conspicuous at the auspicious wedding, none more so than Arthur himself.
He had tried to fuck the pain away with his new bride and found that in the dark with only candlelight pale skin, dark hair and piercing eyes could easily be mistake for someone else. And if he buried his head in the pillow when he came, the name he screamed out could so easily be mistaken for Morgana.
Eleven months after they're married Morgana dies in childbirth. Camelot has lost its Queen but has the heir it was so desperate for. The Royal sorcerer is summoned back from his many quests that only he could do, as even he cannot ignore such an important occasion.
Arthur eagerly anticipates his return, not able to find it in himself to remonstrate himself for acting like a puppy whining for his master's return. He can only feel slightly guilty for not feeling more upset about Morgana's death.
But when Merlin returns it is with a solemn countenance and an aloof disposition. He appears to have hardened, the ice Arthur had seen at the beginning of this all appears to have fortified even more and formed a cocoon around him until Arthur has to look desperately hard for even a glimpse at his beloved Merlin beneath.
Merlin maintains his distance throughout the proceedings and excuses himself as soon as is polite; no one stops him, the only one brave enough to approach the distant man too distressed by her mistress' funeral to even notice him. Arthur despairs, almost giving up the faint hope he'd kept even through Merlin's long absence.
He tries to seek out his companion, but eventually gives up and decides to go back to his new-born child, the only one he still had left it seemed. He couldn't quite believe how long he'd left the babe alone; after years of promising not to be like his father he couldn't believe he was failing in the first week.
When he reaches the nursery he discovers another figure bent over the cradle, making cooing noises and stroking the baby's hair, whispering to it and smiling. Arthur hadn't realised how much he'd missed those special smiles or loving words, even if now they weren't directed at him.
He also hadn't realised how much the child resembled Merlin; all pale skin, glossy dark hair and bright, pretty eyes. Even the smiles are similarly adorable. But then, Morgana had always looked like Merlin (not the other way around, never the other way around).
Watching them now, unnoticed, seeing how they interacted and the attachment shining through, he even let himself start to hope afresh. It might take years to rebuild and mend but maybe, just maybe he might have a family again