It's not exactly a good feeling. In fact, it's downright awful.

The heart clenching draw that Light feels when he looks at him, a feeling that he doesn't want to admit exists, for more reasons that one.

Well, maybe it's not that feeling. Maybe it's the feeling of hurt, of betrayal almost, when he looks at him and realizes that, no matter what, he'll never agree with what he's been doing, even if it is the right thing to do.

Or perhaps it's the bittersweet feeling Light gets when he looks at him, and realizes that he's won, that his enemy is going to die, that he's won… and doesn't want the prize.

He's decided though, that most likely it's all three, with an added helping of guilt on the side, the realization that he set himself up for this, that his plan did work perfectly, that he was smart enough to pull it off, but not smart enough to realize that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't want to at the end.

What it all boils down to is that there is no way out, at least one the ends with both Light and L alive.

Light doesn't want to die, although if he goes by the standards that he uses on those he judges, he knows that he deserves that treatment himself.

He doesn't want to admit to it, but he knows that if he is caught, that if he slips just once, then death is where he is headed, even if he holds remorse for what he has done. After all, he didn't check whether those he judged were remorseful. They'd done the acts, and they weren't defending themselves; they must be evil, and deserving of punishment.

Besides, Light wasn't sorry for the things he'd done, only that it had to end this way. Even if he knew that this was the way it would end from the beginning.

Sometimes, he blames L. His perfect world, his utopia where he served as a God over the pure and righteous was what he was dedicated to, not anything else. It's L's fault that he's so much as regretting that goal, or any steps along the way to it.

But then, Light prizes his intellect above everything else he has, and he knows that L isn't the only one to blame. It takes two, after all.

That's when he starts blaming himself. That never lasts for long though. He's blaming a weak part of himself, the person he was before he became Kira, and he has since defeated that part of himself, stomped it down.

He doesn't like to question why he still feels pain when he thinks of L, still and silent, if that is true.

They aren't even that similar, Light tells himself.

L has no social skills, and Light is so good at manipulating people around him, that even if they did notice, they didn't care.

Light has some sense of decency, while L's lack of it has been commented on time after time.

One of the few things he has in common with L, he remembers, is hypocrisy. The best detective in the world uses criminal methods to prove his point. The one that judges criminals is, through his judging, a criminal himself.

Looking at that, it's even more similar than he'd first thought. Switch the end results, and there really is no difference.

Thinking that would get him nowhere though. Even though he probably realized it as well, there was no way that L would admit to this similarity.

He's too stubborn; like Light. And intelligent. And…

When the computer finally does flash off, and L falls to the floor, Light has come to terms with it.

When he holds L as he takes his last breaths, he smiles, because he won the game.

But he lets himself scream just seconds after, both for the game, and for the fallen player.

He knew from the time he'd first become Kira; he knew there would be sacrifices to achieve his goal.

He just never thought that he'd have this to lose.