A/N: This did not happen in the show, just been in such a bad mood lately, crying myself to sleep, feeling like crap, that this is what I came up with. I wasn't sure about the first part, who to write to. I did Sophie but now I think it should have been Daisy... The second part, after the letter, is a memory.
I promise it will all tie in with CM in the next few chapters, I'm just struggling and have not had much inspiration for this. Thanks to all who had read. Love you all so much.
Be warned: You may need tissues this chapter.
Life is so hard. I see what some people do to others and it scares me. How can people be so cruel, be so mean to other people? Hurt them like that? I've been hurt so often that it's now what I expect - to get hurt. But with Dave in my life now, I know it's possible to be happy, to have a stable life, something I had never expected before.
One thing that keeps coming back to haunt me though, something that I can't forget, no matter how hard I want to, is that day, deep in the woods. I remember it, as if it were yesterday. It hurt Sophie, it hurt so much that even know, it still hurts, everyday, I feel the ache in my chest, the pain, knowing it was all my fault.
I don't know how to move on, to forgive myself.
"Jess," I screamed, running after my sister, but no matter how fast I ran, now matter how hard I tried to reach my sister, she was always out of reach, just on the other end of the horizon. I needed to talk to my sister, to apologise to her, to say I was sorry, so sorry, but I couldn't.
Though at Horizon, it was like I was living my old life again - running, always running. But this time, I wasn't running from something, I was running after something - my sister Jess.
Jess was at Horizon now, with me, Scott, and Daisy and Peter and everyone else who had become my family. I had hoped that she would feel safer, that she'd be happier in life, but I realise now that she couldn't. Because she was too busy being angry at me, too busy hating me.
I hated that I had believed him. That I had listened to what he said. It was because of me, that Jess hated me know. My sister, hated me, and blamed me. I had tired to protect, tried so hard that it had backfired. I ruined both of our lives.
I'd tried to talk to Jess after dinner, but she walked of, not listening to me, ignoring me. Grabbing her arm I had tried to get her to listen to me, but she jerked away, and turned, running, to the woods. It was dark; I knew Jess wouldn't know where she was going.
I screamed her name, running after her, trying to get her to stop, but she wouldn't stop, she kept running. I was closing in, one hundred metres… fifty. Navigating through the dark forest was hard, jumping over tree branches, ducking under them.
As I was ten metres away, I heard a scream. Increasing my pace, I raced to where Jess had been only seconds before. She'd tripped, fallen, into the river, moving fast. I bent down, stretching out my hand, lowering it as far as I could, screaming desperately to my sister, who was clinging onto the rock, struggling, hr fingers slipping.
"Jess, please," I begged, tears falling down my face, "please, grab my hand."
Reaching up to grab my hand, Jess just reached my fingers when her other hand slipped of the rock. I closed my palm but grasped air. Jess had fallen, into the water with a scream that I would never forget.
Sitting upright, grasping for breath, JJ struggled to breathe. Rolling of the bed, JJ slowly walked down the hall to the kitchen, turning the light on, and grabbing a glass from the cupboard, which she filled with water from the tap. Sipping her drink JJ felt her hands shaking. Putting the glass down, she felt arms wrap around her.
Leaning back against David Rossi, JJ nodded her head gently in response to his question. He was amazing. She had no idea why he put up with someone like her, damaged goods. He was there through her nightmares, through her tears.
Little by little she could talk to him, tell him about her past. She'd told him so much, yet it was really only a little. But what she could not tell him, what she had been having nightmares about, was the day her sister had died. She'd never gotten to say goodbye, to tell her sister it would be okay.
Instead, her sister had screamed "I hate you," and that was the last thing she'd ever said. It hurt, even now.
"How about I make coffee?" Rossi suggested, "We have to get ready for work in a bit anyway."
Looking at the clock in the kitchen, JJ saw what the time was. "I'm sorry Rossi."
"No need babe," he assured her with a smile as he bustled around the kitchen making coffee, "there is no need to be sorry."
But there was. All she ever did was destroy people's lives. Her decisions always affected other people's lives, even though she never meant it. JJ had seen how tired he was, and she knew it was because of her, and all the nightmares she was having.
He'd wake up one day and see her for who she really was. She just hoped it was sooner, rather than later.