Author's Note- About The Colonel, when he just walks. You know what I'm talking about. I wrote this a long time ago.
With the almanac tucked below my arm, and my hood over my head, I walked straight, purposefully, into the bitter wind. I was so cold that my entire body was numb, but I couldn't stop, I wanted to be numb, I couldn't think about her and how she was gone.
I tried to keep my mind on anything, anything but her. I pushed away all of my memories of her, and tried to focus on other things. My mind swirled everywhere from my mom, to my dad, to my homework, but I could never keep it away from thoughts of her for too long. Then I thought of Pudge, sitting in the dorm, but that brought my thoughts to her yet again, and then it was too late. Fighting tears my anger swelled again.
Why Alaska? Why? Why were you so stupid? But then my anger turned on myself, as I thought of my part in her death. How could we have let you go?
The overwhelming sadness gripped me again, anger I could deal with, but sadness was another matter. I felt like it was pulling me under, like I was drowning, and I suddenly couldn't breathe, I forced my mind to move on to other subjects, but it was not listening, and eventually I had to stop. Bent over I gasped for breathe, and the pain ripped through me, I couldn't believe she was gone, really gone.
Finally, I calmed down and thought about Pudge. He was all alone, and he was the only one who felt the same guilt and pain as I did. Turning around I headed back toward the Creek, deciding that I should face this with the one other person who knew what I did about her final day. That we had killed her.