Disclaimer: Still don't own the show.

Author's note: I got this idea when I was in bed and wrote it the next day. It just came out and I'm kinda proud of it.

Beta: Thanks to Amy (Dean'sAngel17) for looking over this one (and for the words of encouragement!)

Broken

Lilith titled her head to the side and smirked at him. It only further fueled Sam's anger. The only thing stopping him from beating the crap out of her was the girl's body. She couldn't be more than eighteen years old and Sam was determined on saving her. The devil's trap kept Lilith firmly in place.

"Oh, Sammy, if only you had seen what I have. It was quite a sight, seeing Dean in hell, hearing him scream. Never knew it was possible for anyone to scream like that." She taunted. The expression in her eyes was one of sheer pleasure; her stance was determined and arrogant for someone about to be sent back to Hell, for good.

"He cried out your name a couple of times, you know? When he couldn't take it anymore. He thought you would be the one finding a way to get him out. For thirty years, he held on to that. I was there when he snapped, when he took up Alistair's offer. There was no hope in his eyes. So sad." She smiled sadistically.

"Don't listen to her, Sam." Dean said angrily from somewhere behind him. He could hear the crack in his brother's voice though and he knew Lilith was telling the truth. He swallowed heavily and clenched his fists by his side.

"Where's Alistair?" He asked again. He should just get it over with, exorcise her but they needed the answer.

"It was fun seeing him torture those souls, seeing the turmoil going on in his eyes. Dean Winchester, savior of the human race, torturing souls. Now there's a contradiction." Lilith laughed.

"Shut up, bitch." Dean hissed.

Her eyes flickered to Dean and she smiled widely. "You didn't take that tone with me down there." Her eyes turned back on Sam. "Actually, he did once." She leaned forward as far as she could as if sharing a secret with him. "What I did to him, let me tell you, it wasn't pretty. Fun definitely, but not pretty. I tore him apart, made him scream until he had nothing left, until he was just a bloody mess. You know what was even more fun? I told him I would do the same to you. You should've seen the look in his eyes. He practically pleaded with me to leave you alone. His only worry was still for you and you were up here, screwing a demon. Guess we know where your brother stands." She leaned back, smirking satisfied.

Sam stood frozen. Dean had needed him, had counted on him and he'd let him down. A sob threatened to break free but he swallowed it back down and pushed back tears.

"Cat got your tongue, Sam? No comebacks? I'm disappointed. I'll share some more stories."

"Sam, exorcise her!" Dean ordered.

"Every time when midnight struck, he would be whole again. I could see he dreaded those moments because then it would start all over. We broke him every day, over and over. It was really fun, seeing that broken expression in his eyes, seeing him submit because he didn't have any other choice. He's not as strong as he makes out to be, you know? He's good at putting up an act, sure but we stripped him of that down there. Left him weak."

Something inside of Sam snapped. Dean wasn't weak. He never had been. His eyes hardened and the hate radiating from them made the smug smile disappear of Lilith's face.

"Time to say goodbye." He said, coldly. He raised his hand, felt the power surge through him, fueled by his anger and hatred. His heart rate automatically picked up as he steeled himself for what would no doubt be his hardest exorcism. It felt as if there was a connection between him and the demon; it was a game of pushing and pulling. He was trying to pull her out while Lilith was trying to push him away.

Lilith made choking sounds and a little of the smoke came out of her mouth before it was sucked back in. It was an even battle and Sam knew he had to step it up if he wanted to make it through this. He summoned every bit of power he had in his body. It felt as if it was all coming together in one place, the core of his power. Then he send it outwards, using it to try to pull her out.

Sam clenched his teeth. He was not going to give up. His head starting pounding, beating almost rhythmically in sync with his increasing heartbeat. Warm liquid slid out of his nose and over his lips. He ignored it.

There was black smoke coming out of her again and Sam tried to hold it like that, not allowing her to drag it back in but not pulling further either. He could feel her weaken a little as she tried to push against him. He started pulling again. His head felt like it was going to explode, little black spots were dancing in front of his eyes and his arm was shaking. He knew he was close though. He had to keep going. A pained gasp escaped him and he was dimly aware of spitting up blood. His gut was starting to feel as if someone was repeatedly kicking in it.

"Sam, stop." Dean said, sounding alarmed. He shook his head a little. He could do this. But he had to hurry up. He didn't have much strength left. His entire body was shaking with the effort. His breathing was reduced to sharp gasps. His heart was working overtime and he was afraid he was going to work himself right into a heart attack.

He clenched his teeth and focused everything he had on Lilith. There was more black smoke, filling the devil's trap. Finally, the girl's body crumpled to the floor. Sam knew she was dead even before she hit the ground. His arm dropped, sending the black smoke down. Then it was gone.

Sam gasped and fell down on his hands and knees as his legs buckled, unable to hold up his weight. Little drops of red dripped onto the floor. He could hear his own ragged breathing over the pounding of his head. He felt sick. Before he could stop it, he was emptying the contents of his stomach along with blood onto the motel room floor. His heart hurt, it felt as if someone was gripping it tightly, digging in their nails, making it slow and painful.

"Sammy," Dean mumbled worried. Dean's hand settled on his back, rubbing soothing circles while Sam threw up and then dry-heaved, coughing and spluttering. It took him a while but eventually, he forced his breathing back to normal and the strain on his heart eased.

He'd never before felt more weak and tired than this moment.

"Sammy, look at me." Dean ordered gently. Sam raised his head to stare in his brother's worried green eyes. Dean brushed a couple of strands away from his sweaty face.

"Don't ever do that again, Sam. It could have killed you." Dean said, cupping his cheek. Sam leaned into the touch, taking whatever comfort he could get.

"Had to send her back, Dean. Had to." He whispered brokenly. Tears sprung to his eyes as he remembered her words and it hit him like a ton of bricks. "I'm so sorry. I should've done more."

Dean brushed away a tear. "You did what you could, I know you did." He replied softly.

"It wasn't enough." Sam didn't fight the tears because he simply had no fight left in him, sending Lilith back to the hell she belonged in for good had practically destroyed him. She wanted to drag him down with her. But he did it; he got rid of her for once and for all. Dean tugged on his arm until his head was resting against his chest. His hand fisted in Dean's shirt and he held on as sobs wrecked his body. Dean's arms tightened around him.

"Its okay, Sam. I'm okay. I'm here." Dean whispered. It was so far from okay that Sam felt like laughing but he didn't even have the strength to do that. All the emotions from the past few weeks came boiling to the surface and came out in the form of tears. Ever since Dean had told him about his time in Hell, he had felt so powerless and helpless. There had been nothing he could do to ease his brother's pain and guilt. Eventually, his helplessness had turned into a need for revenge. He had set out to find and kill both Alistair and Lilith. One down, one to go. He didn't feel any better though, if anything, he felt worse.

It hit him that this wasn't fair either. Why was he the one crying and breaking down? Why was he the one needing comfort? It should be the other way around.

His sobs eventually died down until he was sniffing. Dean released his hold a little but didn't pull away. Now that he was calmed down, he could hear Dean's heartbeat beat steadily under his ear. He used it to ground himself. Dean was here. He might not be okay but he was here.

Sam pulled away from Dean. His shirt was stained with blood and his tears.

"Sorry about that."

Dean laughed a little but worry was still etched in every line of his face and in his eyes.

"Why don't you go take a shower? I'll deal with her." Dean said, pointing at the girl's body. Sam felt a pang of guilt at not having been able to save her. She was so young. He nodded and took Dean's offered hand.

He closed the bathroom door behind him. He took a look at himself in the mirror. His eyes were red and puffy and dried up tear tracks ran over his cheeks. On top of that, there was some dried up blood sticking to his upper lip and chin. He was a mess and not just physically. They were both screwed up beyond belief.

He had demon blood in him and Dean had spent time in Hell. He had stopped wondering what could possibly happen to make their lives any worse because there was always something to top what they had gone through before. Right now, they were dealing with freaking Angels and faced with the possibility of the Apocalypse and Lucifer rising. He was not sure there was anything that could top that but he didn't completely disregard the possibility. He felt like laughing but was sure it would come out hysterically so he held back.

They would deal with it as it happened. Together.

The end

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