118A/N: Set V. Soon after 'Stop in the Name of Pants.' I've tried to make it as real as possible, so hopefully it shouldn't seem too ooc or au.
Of course it is a Dave the Biscuit/Gee fic. I adore Dave, he is the only Dave God for me (and also Georgia.)
I may later be adding some OC's, but we shall see.
Read &v Review.
Oh... Don't own, never will... poo!
You're the PANTS that I want.
One
Sunday.
6 pm.
My 'private' room.
Hardly bloody private. If I charged rent for everyone who stayed in my room I would be as rich as a millionaire. Richer.
Libby seems to have commandeered by bed as per usual, along with Our Lord Sandra, Pantalitzer doll (well the head anyhoo) and a potato with glasses.
30 secs later
Pingy pongoes!
There is a pongy smell coming from there!
Erlack a pongoes!
And Blimey O'Reilly!
What has Libby been eating that's made her little bottom explode like this? And how come I haven't been offered any of it (the food not the... erlack, you vair, vair gross people!) All I've eaten today is a packet of Midget Gems.
And two Jammy Dodgers.
And a half eaten sausage that I found at the back of the fridge. Yummy.
5 minutes later
I've cleaned up my sheets and sent Bibsy on her way to her Den, or Airing cupboard as some people might know it.
10 secs later
Peace at last.
2 seconds later
I'm bored...
And I have no friends.
Not one single one.
I am alone.
That is le fact.
I have not had one phone call from any of them.
Maybe they have forgotten about me.
Maybe they don't care.
1 min later
I'm surprised I haven't heard from Jazzy Spazzy actually. I expected to hear her sweet little voice of the phone saying 'Gee, I'd hate to be you. You must be so depressed. Masimo walked away from you! And you said 'Stop in the name of PANTS!' and Dave laughed. And Masimo walked away!' Actually I would have hung up on her if she had done that.
It's no more than she deserves.
But she's right actually. Well, the Jas in my mind is right anyhoo.
20 secs later
Masimo did walk away from me.
Poo and also double merde.
1 min later
It seems I barley had the Luuurve God before I lost him. That's probably one of my problems. Not only do I have an extremely large conk (and I must remember to bug Vati into paying for it to be reduced – it's only fair, after all, as it's his fault it's so bloody big in the first place!) Anyway, where was I before I rudy dudy interrupted myself like an interrupting myself person? Ah yes, Masimo! The Pizza-a-gogo Land Luuurve God that I have lost.
It's hardly my fault that I like a laugh as much as the next person. More, as Jas spazzy nickers would say, but shut up Jazzy! Who asked you anyway!
And it's not like it's my fault that Masimo seems to lack in the comedy central vair much.
He is gorgeous... A vair, vair, vair Mr. I wanna snog your face off all night long type of gorgeous. Slightly more so than the sheep snogger who must not be named (clue, begins in R and ends in Obbie) and he was gorgey too!
It is a shame about Robbie though. I still cant belive he cried when I told him Masimo was my one and only. He selfishly made me cry too... Now I feel bad just thinking about feeling bad.
5 mins later
I wonder what to do on the Dave the Laugh front?
4 mins later
And why is it that I am not all depressed like a sad, depressed person over Masimo.
Well... not much.
Hardly at all.
I've only cried four times today.
That's not depressed. I was worse when Robbie left to snog sheeps in Kiwi-a-gogo-Land.
2 mins later
Phoned Jas.
'Jas?'
'What?' – How lovely and polite. Ah well, I am too sad too care. I told Jas this, I said
'Jas, je suis très triste.'
'Pourquoi ?' Why, she asks me. Why?
'Parce que, vous l'idiot, juste parce que.' Was she really asking me why? Wasn't it bloody obvious? Even for Jas who we all know is one leg short of some trousers.
'Right, well I must dash. Tom and me are going on a ramble...'
'Wrong answer!' Jas can be so self absorbed sometimes. I mean, would it hurt to talk to her bestie for a bit? But no, Mrs big nickers has to ditch me from tadpole boy. I told her so.
Anyway, the long and the short of it is she hung up. She can be so unreasonable when she wants.
7.30 pm
I wonder if I should phone Dave? I mean, now that I am single. And I mean, he does like me... I think.
But he might be out. He might be on cat patrol or something guyish like that.
1 minute later
Phone's ringing. It's like it read my mind.
It better not be Dave the laugh. Please let it not be.
30 seconds later
'Hello, heartbreak hotel, manager of suicides speaking.'
'Hey Kitty-Cat, can we speak?'
Damn and double damn.
Quel est le point of praying to Him if He's just going to ignore me and make it be Dave on the phone.
Poo.
And also double poo who knobs on (Ooer!)