Well happy new year. This idea struck me sometime after Christmas and I decided I wasn't going to do a Christmas chapter for International Police (Deep Space Liberty's Christmas chapter sucked in my opinion). I thought what if I decided to kill Sues off without creating an original character (or using Chuck Norris, because that wouldn't be fair for the Sues and Stues would it), but realized no other human had the capacity to do so. So I decided... well just read this, and yes it is a crossover with everyone's favorite Starwars videogame series.
Harry Potter was bashing his head as he was forced to listen to hundreds of girls argue over him. Ever since fan fiction had taken off in his universe his life had been plagued by Marry Sues who loved him, made love to him, killed him, were related to him, hated him, or ignored him completely for Draco or Snape. He didn't even want to get started with Garry Stus. Generally they killed all of his importance in the story; otherwise he was a Garry Stu. But at least they were better than slash fics. Or anime crossovers. And he had done enough Twilight crossovers to know that Bella needed to see a shrink and needed to get a life. He loved the authors who created OCs who killed Marry and Garry. Though he thought it was a bit hypocritical to create a Sue to kill a Sue.
Canon Hermione sat down next to Harry at the lunch table. "Did you hear, you have another sister. Harry I know what you think about some of those Sues, but please don't, you'll have enough children in the future as it is." She warned.
A Ron from a Marry Sue story walked up behind Hermione. "I love you with all my heart Hermione and I…"
Cannon Hermione cut him off "I'm Cannon you idiot, can't you read what the author just wrote?" Before Ron could answer his head was blasted off.
"Great another Gary Stu fic. Well I'm off to a…" Harry stopped mid sentence as he saw a large red droid with a rifle pointed at the now dead Ron.
Hermione, realizing how impossible it was for electronics to work inside Hogwarts asked the obvious question "Wait, how come you work in Hogwarts? Did your author forget to look into that?"
"Proud Statement: I am of superior design than any other droid." It stated.
"What are you? Who sent you here?" Harry asked as he tried to push hundreds of Sues off him.
"Statement: I am HK47, my master sent me here to kill all non canon meatbags, and to follow your orders as if you were my master, and to kill all non cannon meatbags." As if to make his point, he switched his blaster rifle to rapid fire and began to mow down the unsuspecting Sues. "Warning: touch the master and die meatbags!"
"Uh, shouldn't you have said that before you killed them?" Harry asked.
"Deception: I believe it slipped my mind master. Hopeful query: Is there another meatbag you need me to kill master?
"Harry, what is this thing? Why are there dead bodies lying everywhere? Why have you killed one, one trillionth of the foreign exchange program?" Asked a manipulative Dumbledore.
"Statement: This meatbag is not cannon. Shall I kill him now master?"
"Huh? Do you have to?"
"Rececitation: Yes I do master, it was an order from my true master, the only one who outranks you."
"Harry what is it talking about?"
"Just shout out a warning before you fire ok." Harry said.
"Warning: Meatbag I would suggest you run away as my blaster rifle charges up." Then before Dumbledore could move, there was a smoking hole in his chest.
Cannon Dumbledore ran down to the droid. "Stop! What are you doing? Everyone deserves a second chance."
"Statement: I believe I gave him more than two chances to attack me."
"Harry, how did this come to you?" Dumbledore asked, even though he knew the droid could answer that himself.
"Query: Are you blind ancient meatbag, I am right here."
Dumbledore cast a silencing charm on the sociopathic droid.
Only a sound of static came from HK47.
"Well I don't know proffesor, it said that it's master ordered it to kill anything non cannon and to follow my orders."
"Well it might put things back into balance… as much as I hate to say this Harry, you can let it kill anything non cannon, but if it breaks that rule, then it will be destroyed." Dumbledore removed the silencing charm from the droid.
"Joyful praise: You are perhaps the best meatbag I have ever seen."
"Do you have to call all humans meatbags?" Hermione asked, intrigued at the amount of technology HK47 must contain.
"Query: Would you prefer me to call you something else? Perhaps liquidous fleshbag?"
"Err… no." Hermione stated, knowing it was in the droids programing and there was nothing she could do about it, she wasn't its master.
"Hopeful query: Master I am detecting large amounts of Sue activity, may I please kill the meatbags now and without warning?"
"No, you have to warn them."
"Objection: Please master, I beg you to not make them alert, some of them would seem to be able to harm me quite effectively if they had ample warning."
"No, you must warn them."
"Statement: Master you are being overly difficult. They might not even be aware of their deaths without me warning them."
"Are you programed to feel remorse?" Hermione asked.
"Shocked query: Why would I feel remorse for killing meatbags? If I do not kill them, they will all die for some reason or another. Statement: In the end I do not kill meatbags, you and your lack of any organized repair skills are the problem."
Now obviously I have to say this somewhere, this is fanfiction. If you are stupid enough to think I own ANYTHING then you deserve to be shot in the head. I have several other universes that will cross over into this, but it will primarily be Harry Potter and Star Wars KOTOR (1 and 2).
signed the good dr.