This started out as an English assignment last year for my final and I decided to add it to to see how well it goes over. Depending on the response I get for this I may post the rest of it. I need at least four reviews to do that!

Jerry Springer- "Caesar Edition"

Cast:

Jerry Springer-

Brutus-

Caesar-

Cassius-

Portia-

Calpurnia-

Plebeians-everybody…

Script written by gibby101

Scene One- Jerry Springer Stage

Plebeians- making crowd noises

JS: Okay Okay, quiet down, on today's show you'll witness the many tragedies of Julius Caesar. There will be many distraugtful scenes and many tears will be shed. If you can't handle the tears get out of the studio. Okay then, let's bring out Portia Brutus and Calpurnia Caesar!

Plebeians- crowd noises… Whoo Yay bring them out here Jerry! Jerry I love you! Jerry marry me!

Portia and Calpurnia come out on stage and wave to the crowd as they sit down on opposite chairs. Calpurnia slightly glares over at Portia; Portia is oblivious to the glares and glances around the stage nervously.

JS: Okay ladies so you know why you're here, right?

Calpurnia nods, after a second so does Portia. Calpurnia speaks first.

Calp: That (scornfully) woman's husband killed my Julius! (Breaks into sobs {fake sobs please, but make it look convincing!})

P: looks at Calpurnia like she just grew a second head. You can't hold me responsible for what my husband has done! For the month before Caesar died he ignored me… pauses, Portia realizes why Brutus was ignoring her; O Ye Gods! He was plotting to kill Caesar! I tell you Calpurnia I had nothing to do with it! I've only just realized what he did!

Calp: Considers what Portia is saying before speaking. She glances over at Portia who looks worried, and is wringing her hands. I'll consider the fact that you had nothing to do with the plot. You were genuinely shocked when I told you. If you didn't know what Brutus had done; then what did you think you here for?

P: Brutus told me this was about my depressions and suicidal tendencies. I think I know whose going to be sleeping in his study for a very long time. Emphasis on the very long time part.

Calp: I think it would be pointless to blame a woman who has been oblivious to her husband's actions. So I neither blame you nor forgive you for what has happened.

Both women get up and hug each other and sit down next to each other smiling. Jerry claps his hands together to bring attention to himself. Camera turns to Jerry and focuses in on him.

JS: Okay then. Now that Portia and Calpurnia have sorted out their non-existent problems with each other, let's bring in someone who seems to be a problem for them both, Marcus Brutus!

Camera swings to the general direction that Brutus enters the stage from. When he approaches the couches, Portia meets him halfway and slaps him across the face, (someone next to the camera smacks hands…pretend to smack Brutus)

Brutus (B): OWWWW! What was that for Portia?

P: places hands on her hips and stands in the classic 'I'm very disappointed in you mister' stance. You know why Brutus. You know, for not telling me the truth! Am I not your wife? Or am I living in the suburbs of your love?

B: He he he…chuckles nervously; scratches the back of his head You found out about the conspiracy theory didn't you?

P: nods

B: Look hun, I tried to tell you, but Cassius showed up and he interrupted me, and then well it happened the next day, and well I had to leave the city. I had just enough time to grab my armor and Lucius and get the hell out of Rome…

P: Rolls her eyes; did you forget something important dear?

B: Let's see, I had my horse, armor, sword, Lucius, money, my army stuff…

P: cuts of Brutus. ME! YOU FORGOT ME! YOUR WIFE! YOU NO GOOD SON OF A…

JS: Let's not start swearing Mrs. Brutus; this is a primetime show that is watched by children under 10.

P: Stay out of this you.

B: Now Portia honey…

P: yelling. DON'T YOU 'PORTIA' ME MISTER! YOU MARCUS BRUTUS ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE!

JS: Okay then, we're going to let Portia and Brutus sort out their problems off camera. But when we come back, we'll bring out Julius Caesar, and later, Caius Cassius.