564Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.
Sorry for the delay…blah blah blah…Instead of giving bullshit excuses, I have super-sized this chapter and dedicate it to those of you who PMd me to kick my ass about going so long between updates. For those who have asked, yes I plan to finish this story. In fact, there isn't much left before it is complete. Life just gets in the way and finding time to devote to focus on this story like it deserves is hard to do.
So, enough of that shit. Let's get to what you have all waited patiently for. We have a lot to cover….
BPOV
I sat in my usual spot at Bean There Cone That, drinking an extra large vanilla chai tea latte, fidgeting as I waited for Tanya to arrive. The night she called me while I was at the club, she let me know she had come out to New York to visit with Edward and try to get her life in order. After tons of awkward silence during our phone call, I suggested it might be easier to meet somewhere and talk in person.
So, here I sit, waiting at the coffee/ice cream shop to see Tanya for the first time in more than 4 years. I was beyond nervous and wasn't even sure what the conversation was going to be about. I knew the things I wanted to talk about, but she said she had things she needed to discuss with me as well.
"Bella?" A timid voice spoke from behind me. I turned to find lifeless version of Tanya. I wanted to ask her where the real Tanya was, but thought that may just make her feel bad. Instead I stood and offered her my hand.
"Long time, no see." I motioned for her to sit in the large chair next to mine. "Do you want anything?"
"No. I'm good." She shook her head and stared at her hands in her lap, fidgeting.
Not sure where to start, we ended up sitting next to each other for a few minutes in silence. It was obvious we were both trying to determine what we wanted to accomplish with this meeting and needed some time to collect our thoughts.
"So…." I began.
"I just…." She began at the same time.
"Go ahead." I offered.
"I just want to tell you how horribly sorry I am for the pain you were put through because of what happened with my family. It is truly awful that your pain was a product of my mistake." She finally looked up at me and I could see the pain in her eyes.
"Tanya. You had nothing to do with the pain. It was all Edward's doing. And really, I am to blame as well. I mean, at 18, how could I have thought a relationship with my teacher could have possibly gone anywhere but south." I raised my eyebrows at her and shrugged.
"But, he did it to protect me. You have to understand that Edward thought he was being selfless by giving up the one thing he has ever wanted. He thought he was making everything better for everyone involved. If I had just been honest with my parents from the beginning and not worried about not having their money to support me, we would all be happy." She sighed and I could see the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.
"We honestly don't know if we would still be happy. There is no guarantee that something wouldn't have happened and come between us. It happened. And we need to move on." I shocked myself with this statement. I realized in that moment that I needed to move on as well. I needed to go through with therapy with Carlisle and see what comes from it. I was pulled out of my epiphany by Tanya's sigh.
"I agree about moving on. I am ready to finally deal with my losses and figure out what to do next." She angled herself in her seat so she was completely facing me and tucked her legs under her to get comfortable. "That's why I am here. I was ready to get away from everything that reminded me of everything I lost as well as get away from my parents."
"That's great Tanya." I didn't bother mentioning that she moved to the place that would cause her to possibly run into Victoria…or that she was currently talking to Victoria's roommate. No. That would not have been good.
"Anyway. That's not what I wanted to discuss." She smirked at me and I saw a brief flash of the old Tanya.
"Wait. Before we move topics. I just need to ask you one thing." I leaned toward her and made sure I caught her eyes.
"Okay…" She said hesitantly.
"If you had a chance to talk to Victoria again, what would you say?" I held eye contact and saw her eyes widen.
"Geez Bella. Knock the wind out of me why don't you." I didn't budge to make sure she knew I was expecting an answer. I needed an answer. She sighed again. "I would tell her how sorry I am for putting her through the pain that I did. I would tell her I have never stopped loving her and hate that I had to hurt her in any way. I would tell her I dream of her nightly and wish she was there by my side when I woke up. And most of all I would tell her I need her and my life is nothing without her." The tears were streaming down her cheeks by the end of this and I felt bad for making her talk about it. But it needed to be done.
I leaned over and hugged her, handing her a tissue from my purse. She glanced at the tissue questioningly. I shrugged.
"I had a feeling one or both of us would need tissues by the end of this meeting, so I came prepared." This caused Tanya to giggle and I felt good knowing I helped put a smile on her face.
"My turn, Bella." She said after getting her emotions under control. I grabbed a tissue out of my purse just in case.
"I want to implore you to talk things over with Edward." She held a hand up when she saw I was going to interrupt her. "He was miserable without you. I couldn't understand that after just a few months in the relationship with you, how he could be so fucking desolate. It made me mad at first, but he explained to me the connection he felt with you from the first time he saw you." She leaned toward me to make sure she had my attention.
"Bella. He is so far in love with you, it is amazing. I think he has been in love with you since the moment he walked in on you and some guy in a classroom." I giggled at the thought of that, then immediately became angry realizing James was the one he saw me with. That fucking asshole.
"Tanya. I hear what you are saying. But, don't you think it is odd that he never felt the need to tell me he loved me?" I furrowed my brows in frustration. "Well, I take that back. He was all about the love when we were in the middle of fucking."
"I can't make excuses for him. All I can ask is that you give him a chance to talk things out. Express your feelings and reservations about giving him a second chance. That's all he wants. He has been despondent since he got back from Vegas." It was my turn to sigh.
"I think you are right. If I want us all to move on, I need to make an effort of my own." I nodded, knowing what my next step would be after this meeting.
"One question, though." She smirked at me and I waited in anticipation of what she was going to ask. "Do you love him?" I stared at her in shock of her question. I opened and closed my mouth a few times trying to speak and just when I knew what I wanted to say…
"Mama Bella!" I heard the sweetest voice behind me before I felt someone wrap their arms around my neck from behind the chair. I choked out a request to remove her hands before pulling her around to sit on my lap, placing kisses all over her face.
It took me a second to remember that I was sitting with someone who knew nothing of this little being and was suddenly worried about what this news would do to her. I looked up to see her smiling at my interaction with the rugrat with a strange look in her eyes.
"Bells! Sorry. She just kind of got away from me when she saw you through the window." Esme came rushing up to me out of breathe. She knew about this meeting, which was why she was currently watching Irina. I couldn't fault her, though. This was Rini's favorite place to go, I mean she is a kid and they do serve ice cream afterall. Factor in that she and I are close, it would have been impossible for Esme to stop her from running in to greet me.
"No worries Es." I waved my hand in the air dismissively. "She can stay with me if you want to just go on home. I'll drop her off with…um, well I'll take her home before my appointment later." With a quick kiss to my cheek and a huge hug for Irina, Esme left the shop. I turned to see Tanya still staring at Irina with the same odd expression.
"Oh, I'm so sorry Tanya. I didn't even think to introduce you to Esme." I slapped my forehead, causing Rini to giggle. She always loved for me to get injured, and when I caused it myself, it was even better in her books.
"That's alright. She seemed flustered." She smiled slightly at me before returning her attention to the beauty in my lap. "And who is this little one?"
"I'm Irina. And this is Mama Bella. She's not really my mommy. I just like to call her that. My mommy's name is…" I cut off the talkative little booger before she gave away something I wasn't sure Tanya was ready to hear.
"All she wanted to know was your name munchkin. Not your life history." I laughed at Irina's exasperated expression. She sighed and rolled her eyes at me before her attention was diverted to a new advertisement standing on the coffee table while she hummed what sounded like "Don't cha" by the Pussycat Dolls. I'm going to have to talk to Esme about her choice in music for Irina.
"Well, she is absolutely gorgeous." Tanya smiled down at the beautiful child and I finally figured out the odd look in her eyes. Regret. "There was a time I thought I would be a mother." She laughed humorlessly. "Joke's on me, huh?"
"Tanya. I…" I sighed. "Listen. I think things are going to work out." I reached over to her and squeezed her hand. "For all of us." We sat for a second in silence before Tanya nodded and smiled at me.
"I think you may be right." She returned the squeeze to my hand and looked at her watch. "I have to get going. I have a job interview to get to. If I get this, I will be sticking around New York for a very long time." I stood with her and hugged her good-bye before she began grabbing her things. Irina noticed she was leaving and jumped up to wrap her arms around Tanya's legs. One look at Tanya's glassy eyes, I knew I needed to make sure everything turned around for her. She deserved some happiness.
I made three calls as I left the coffee shop with Irina. First I called, Victoria to let her know I was brining Rini home before heading to work. Second, I called Edward and luckily got his voicemail. I let him know I would like to meet with him, but it would have to be done through my therapist. I gave him the date, time and address to meet me for couples therapy if he agreed. And third, I put my plan to get Victoria and Tanya back together into place. Victoria was miserable without Tanya and I was going to ease her pain.
EPOV
It had been two weeks since I received Bella's voicemail telling me we were going to do couples therapy and I had to agree if I wanted any chance of working things out. I didn't even think twice as I wrote down the time and date she gave me and checked to make sure I knew how to get to the address. I was nervous and excited to see Bella again. It was the first time in 4 years that I felt everything may just be okay one day.
I easily found the building, being only a few blocks away from my brother's apartment, so I knew the area. I took the stairs in an attempt to calm myself before going through with the session that Bella was insisting on.
When I got to the floor the office was located on, I opened the door and was shocked by what I found. My brother's name in big bold letters were staring right at me. Carlisle Masen
I looked around the reception area and found Bella sitting along a wall, having not noticed my presence yet. I strode over to her.
"We can't have couples therapy here." I stated and Bella's head jerked up surprised at my tone, I'm sure.
"Um. Hello to you, too." She retorted. "We're having therapy here and that's final. If you don't want to do it, you should leave." She pointed to the door I just walked in through and before I could plead with her to find someone else I heard a voice call Bella's name.
"Carlisle!" She exclaimed and jumped up. I stood frozen without turning my back. "Greet the fucking doctor." She hissed at me.
"Edward?" I heard Carlisle's voice call to me. I closed my eyes, slowly turning in his direction.
"You two know each other?" I looked to Bella to see her eyes going back and forth between Carlisle and my face.
"Yes. This is Edward. My brother." Carlisle gave me a confused. "What are you doing here? I didn't even realize you knew where my office is." He cocked his head.
"Um…" I ran my hands through my hair trying to think of a reason I would be here other than for therapy. Unfortunately, Bella beat me to it.
"He's here for couples therapy." She responded quietly.
"Damn it Edward." Carlisle snapped when he pieced everything together. Like the douche that I am, I remained frozen in place unable to come up with anything but a deer-in-headlights expression.
"I don't understand. Carlisle, your last name is Masen. Edward, isn't your last name Cullen?" She questioned us, staring at me.
"Yes." Carlisle answered when it was obvious my voice was no longer working. "I go by our mother's maiden name for professional purposes. Our father is well-known in the medical field and I wanted to be able to prove that I could do things on my own, without the family name." I scoffed at this.
"Just another reason mom and dad love to brag about the perfect Carlisle." I finally found my voice and apparently I had become a complete tool.
"Yes, because fucking one of your students is clearly something our parents would be so proud of." He glared at me in response.
I turned to Bella and gave what I hoped to be an apologetic look. I couldn't do this. There is no way I could sit through therapy with my brother knowing I was a horrible person to Bella. He's the one that fixed her after I broke him. He would just further cement why he is so much better than I could ever be.
"I'm sorry." I said to Bella before bolting out of the office.
On my way down the stairs, I pulled out my phone and asked Tanya to meet me at the park. I needed to vent my frustrations. The morning started with me thinking my life was finally beginning to get better, and now I just didn't know what to think.
I made my way to Strawberry, a little café Tanya was now the manager of. She got the job without even meeting with the owner two weeks earlier and has been extremely happy. It was nice to see her smiling again. When Tanya saw me walk in, she immediately asked someone to watch the place for her and excused herself, pulling me to the back where he office was.
"What the fuck is wrong?" She searched my face for clues. "Aren't you supposed to be getting back together with Bella right this second?"
"That would be lovely." I snorted. "If my brother wasn't her fucking therapist." I threw my hands in the air. "Seriously. When did my life become such a fucking soap opera."
"News flash. It's been a soap opera for many years." She eyed me warily.
"Look, I know I have fucked things up royally in the past. But I thought things were turning around. Now, I don't think it will ever get better. She insists that we talk with Carlisle because he is the only person she trusts to take care of her. And there is no way he would be objective about this whole thing." I punched the wall in frustration. "Fuck!"
"Calm the fuck down." Tanya hissed at me. "You listen to me." She grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at her. "You are going to talk to Carlisle and explain everything to him. You are going to tell him that you want Bella back and you are going to do whatever it takes to get all parties involved to agree to doing this fucking couples therapy. And then you and Bella are going to live happily ever after and name a child after me." She shook me as she spoke and I wasn't sure if I wanted to pull away from her, hug her or puke.
"What can I say to him that would get him to understand that I need to be with Bella?" I questioned helplessly.
"Edward, is Bella worth dealing with your asshole brother in order to get her back?" She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at me.
"Of course. I would do anything for Bella. She is beyond worth it." I answered without even needed to think about it.
"Then, you are going to say just that. You need to explain everything to him. He knows Bella's side of things. You need to give your's. And then you need to tell him that you are in love with her." She explained to me. My head shot up and I stared at her for a few minutes.
"Thanks T." I grabbed her in a tight hug. "This is why you are my best friend." I whispered.
"And here I thought it was because I am so fucking gorgeous." She huffed.
"That too." I chuckled and she squeezed me in response.
"Now, go talk to that brother of your's and get your girl back." I gave her a kiss on her forehead and began walking to the door. With my hand on the door knob, I turned to find her smiling a sad smile.
"It's going to work out. For all of us." I reassured her. She smiled a knowing smile.
"Funny you should say that. I was told that same thing recently." She said quietly and shooed me out the door.
I was able to get Carlisle to agree to meet me at my apartment after his last appointment of the day. I wanted to get this confrontation over with and wanted it on my turf. Yes, I fucking said my turf like this is fucking West Side Story.
I made sure my fridge was stocked with beer and waited impatiently for Carlisle to arrive later that evening. I couldn't focus on anything other than what I was planning to say to my brother. My attempts at making the time go by faster didn't work and I cursed Hiro for making me think it would. That's the last time I watch Heroes.
Finally, I heard a knock on my door and nearly sprinted to the door, where Carlisle was waiting patiently. I threw the door open and motioned for him to come in. We stood silently for a minute before Carlisle sighed and slumped in defeat.
"What were you thinking?" He blurted out.
"Trust me C. I did everything possible to stay away from her, but she is like a magnet to me." I turned to the kitchen, knowing we would need to get started on those beers.
"That doesn't excuse what you did. You had a relationship with one of your students." He was about to continue his rant, but I decided to just stop him before he could go on.
"I know. And believe me when I said I hated myself for it. And fuck if Jasper didn't lecture me every chance he got." I walked to the living room and flopped down on one of my sofas. "But, I couldn't stay away from her."
Carlisle sighed and eyed me warily.
"Well, at least she was 18. I don't have to be disgusted with you being with a minor." He rolled his eyes at his own statement and joined me in the living room on my other sofa. "I just don't understand."
"And I don't expect you to completely understand." I stopped, trying to think of a way to explain things to him. "The moment I saw her, I knew she was it for me. She was my future. She is my future. I was so angry that she was brought to me as a student of mine." I looked at him and clenched my jaw. "I didn't want it to happen and I fought like hell to stay away from her. But fuck…" I fisted my hands in my hair. "I just could not allow my life to go on without her. I needed her."
"But, you didn't need her enough to stay with her when things got tough?" I knew he was referring to the way I broke up with her, so I explained everything that happened with James and Tanya's parents and tried to make him understand I thought it was the best thing for Bella. I was hurting myself in hopes to make sure everyone was happy. The entire time Carlisle was shaking his head and had such a sad look on his face.
"Leave it to you to completely fuck up when you think you are doing the right thing." He continued to shake his head and frown.
"Listen. I know I screwed everything up. Fuck. I completely screwed Bella, and I am so grateful to you for picking up the pieces. But, you have to trust me when I say I need her. She is my life and I will do anything at all to get back into her's." I pleaded with him to understand where I was coming from. "I don't want to continue to dwell on my mistakes of the past. Even though I know we really need to discuss them, I just want to move on from here and focus on our future. Together."
"Alright." He sighed. "I can't take you guys on for couple's therapy. As much as I really think you need it, it would be too much of a conflict of interests." I frowned, thinking there were no other options and this would mean the end of things with Bella. "But…" I immediately perked up at his next words. "I will help you guys in a similar fashion as couples therapy."
"What do you mean?" I questioned.
"I'm going to give you guys assignments and Bella will keep me up-to-speed at her weekly sessions. I will continue to see her to make sure she doesn't regress. Believe me when I tell you that you will never want to see what Bella when she came to me." He looked at me with his big brother face to make sure I knew how disappointed he was in me.
I just nodded.
"Okay. So I will contact Bella and let her know what will be happening and make sure she agrees." He stood from his place on the couch. "If she does want to go through with this, I'll give you a call and tell you what the first assignment is." With a pat on my shoulder, Carlisle left my apartment. All I could do was sit on the couch and hold my phone hoping he would call with my assignment quickly.
Thirty minutes later, I received my first assignment…
BPOV
I was at work the day after my phone conversation with Carlisle, trying to figure out how to complete my first assignment. When he called to say he would not be able to do the couples therapy with us due to Edward being his brother, I was devastated. Luckily, he put my at ease quickly by explaining the assignments he would like to give us to help us out. He let me know he was doing this for both me and Edward and was positive things would work themselves out.
As I continued to contemplate the few ideas I had on ways to get my assignment complete, I scrolled through my email inbox to see if there was anything of importance. One email stuck out from the rest…
From: ECullen
To: ISwan
Subject: Where I Went Wrong
Bella,
As I am sure you are aware, I received my first assignment from Carlisle last night. I have literally been up all night working on a way to complete it and thinking of the things that I need to say. Carlisle mentioned that we are to have no physical or verbal contact for the next week, so it looks like emails will be our form of communication for now, thanks to Carlisle handing over your email address rather easily.
I apologize for rambling. It is amazing how nervous one can be even over email. But, I won't stall any longer. Below I have listed, upon Carlisle suggestion, 5 of my biggest regrets from our relationship.
1. I dwelled too much on the age difference. We are barely 5 years apart in age and I let that small gap consume my thoughts. I allowed myself to feel like a predator and convinced myself you were my unknowing prey.
2. I didn't take your wants/needs into consideration. I have thought long and hard on this one and realize I didn't give you a chance to not be in a relationship with me. I became obsessed with the idea of having you and ended up taking advantage of you in the worst way. I still remember the night of the party where I trapped you in a dark room and violated you. I have never forgiven myself for that. It wasn't fair of me to take away your say in the matter.
3. I wasn't honest with you. I can't say whether I didn't trust you with the truth or didn't think you could handle things in my life, but I hate the misunderstandings we had regarding my inability to just be honest with you. This is a huge regret as I almost lost you before I even had you thanks to my lack of communication regarding the whole Tanya thing to begin with. Then, I felt I couldn't even be honest with you when breaking things off. I completely destroyed everything we had built in those few months because I didn't think I could be honest and tell you the hell I was being put through.
4. I felt I knew what was best for you. I think this goes with the other items I have listed. Because of the age difference, I thought it was my responsibility to make sure you lived your life and got to do the things "girls your age" should do. It was stupid of me to not realize you were already doing that. I focused on the fact that I had more experience than you and allowed that to steer my decisions on whether your could handle the things that were going on with my life. And I also felt I needed to make sure you went to college and experienced that before just settling with me.
5. I have the shittiest timing ever. It wasn't until we talked in Vegas that I realized that I really have poor timing. There were always so many things I want to say to you, but because of all the reasons I listed above I held the thoughts in. I didn't want to scare you with a view inside my head. Unfortunately, my mind shuts down during certain time…and I blurt out whatever is on my mind. I never realized they weren't being taken as the whole truth and will hopefully have a chance to make up for that very soon.
Okay. So, there is a brief explanation on what I regret. It was tough getting it down to a list of 5, so we may want to expand on this list in the future. But, at least that gives you a little insight on what was going through my mind during that time.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Edward
PS…I miss you terribly.
I re-read the email I received from Edward a few times throughout the rest of the day. It was obvious he was being honest with his list of regrets and I was happy that he took the time to examine where he went wrong. He gave me quite a bit to think about before I responded later that night in the comfort of my home.
From: ISwan
To: ECullen
Subject: My Part in our Issues
I know part of this was to not respond to the other's list before both of us had a chance to lay things on the table, but I have to break that rule. Before I get to my assignment, I want to state for the record that you never took advantage of me or violated me in any way. You can remove that from your lists of regrets right now. I was always a willing participant in everything we did together. Even the night of the party you mentioned, there was a reason I didn't stop things. I felt so safe with you, even not knowing who you were at that time. I would have stopped the whole thing from happening if I didn't want it to. So, please don't ever feel you were taking advantage of me in any way.
Now, Carlisle feels that I have allowed the blame for the demise of our relationship to rest solely on your shoulders. Apparently, it was the ease out and he wanted me to think about how I could have contributed to how everything played out. Even though I want to point fingers at you, and even at James and Tanya, I know that is silly. I got very little work done today, but I did come up with a list
1. I allowed you to take the lead. Because it was obvious you had reservations about what was happening between us, I went with whatever you felt comfortable with. You were the leader and I was willing to do whatever needed to be done to keep you. In my mind, that meant giving you the control over the situation. I never realized how vulnerable this made me and how much you truly controlled.
2. I used sex as the answer. I'm pretty sure this is self-explanatory. But, instead of dealing with any issues we may have had, I felt that having sex would work things out. If anything, it took our minds off the outside factors that were crushing us. It was just easier to open my legs or us my mouth for something other than talking than it was to talk about what was wrong and come up with a solution.
3. I didn't pay attention to the signs. I knew things were off towards the end, but instead of trying to discuss them with you and see if there was anything I could help with, I turned a blind eye. I didn't want to think there could ever be trouble in paradise, not realizing we were anywhere but paradise.
4. I didn't listen to you. Many things you said to me went in one ear and right out the other. It made no sense that you would truly want to be with me…or think of me as beautiful…or have strong feelings for me. I heard you say things to me and took it as gibberish due to the extreme pleasure you were feeling at the time. More of an "I love this feeling…" type of thing than anything else.
5. I never told you…There are so many things I never said to you and I have wondered many times if things would be different if I had just voiced the thoughts in my head.
For the record…I have missed you every day for the last 4 years.
Bella
A week of emails turned into a month when Carlisle saw how honest we were being with one another. I found it so much easier to open up when I didn't have to face someone. It seemed Edward felt the same way. We were able to discuss the specific points in our brief relationship that were a sign of trouble. We both admitted to overlooking those issues because we just wanted to live in the moment and enjoy the time we had together.
The biggest discovery we had was that we both used sex as a way to avoid problems and feel connected with the other. It's amazing how much more connected you can feel when opening up, though. And that is just what we did for the month of email contact only.
Not only did we talk about the past, but we also started a game of twenty questions…which turned into about 200 questions. After all of the serious topics we were going over in our emails, it was nice to ask each other silly questions and it turned into a fun way of reconnecting and getting to know more about each other.
After a month of emails, Carlisle felt we were ready for a new assignment. At my therapy session, he mentioned how surprised he was to find me in such high spirits and was excited to see if this next part would continue my progress.
We were given permission to set up short coffee dates. Carlisle was adamant that we keep it to coffee and not other types of drinks as they got us into some trouble in the past. He was kind enough not to mention my tendency to use alcohol to ease my pain, but I knew that was part of his reasoning for not allowed us to meet in a bar or something like that.
Our first mini-date was interesting. Neither of us spoke for quite a few minutes. Luckily Edward made a comment that maybe we should have brought our laptops so we could email each other while on our date and it broke the ice. Our conversation began to flow as easily as it had been through email and it was nice to feel that things were truly progressing.
We kept our dates short and sweet and continued to email each other when not together. We eventually proceeded to text each other throughout the day. Just little things at first. "Have a good day" first thing in the morning and "Sleep well" before heading to bed at night. It was like we both wanted the other to know we were thinking of them at all times of the day. It was nice.
It was two months into our new routine that things crashed and burned. I was at work, finalizing the plans for Victoria's birthday party the following night with Heidi when I received the text from Edward that crushed me completely.
I can't do this anymore. ~E
Not knowing what he meant, but worried beyond belief, I replied.
What do you mean? Is everything okay? ~B
The reply was almost instant. He must have known I was going to question him and had it typed up already.
This. I can't do this. ~E
That was the last text I received from him that night, even after multiple replies on my part pleading with him to explain what happened or what changed. I was under the impression that things were going well and this completely blindsided me.
I wanted to laugh when I thought back to his first email assignment when he mentioned his poor timing. I had planned to tell him I was ready to have a real relationship during Victoria's party. I wanted to lay all of my feelings out for him and let him know it was time for us to truly be together.
The laughter never came though. In it's place was a blind fury that caused me to question everything that was said between us during the last three months of communication. All the times he said he would never leave me and make the mistake of trying to live without me again came into my mind. I couldn't believe I fell for it all again. I couldn't wrap my head around what could possibly be his reason for fucking things up again.
Maybe it was just a game to him. Every 4 years he gets bored and wants to fuck my brain up so bad that I can't think straight. I hated him for having that much control over me.
I couldn't allow myself to dwell on the demise of whatever we had together because I had a birthday party to throw for the woman who has taken such great care of me. Victoria's birthday was the next day and I was shutting the club down to throw a huge party for her. She had no clue and I was beyond excited for the surprise guests I was able to secure. Having Heidi working for me had proven to be a huge bonus thanks to some contacts she had in the music industry. Admittedly, the guests were just as much for me as they were for Victoria, but I wouldn't let her know that.
I decided to wait until after Tori's party to thoroughly examine what happened to make Edward want to quit things so abruptly. As much as I wanted to sit in the apartment, eating ice cream and putting all of my DVDs of romantic comedies through my shredder, I had to make sure the surprise party went off without a hitch. I owed Tori that much.
I spent the entire day of the party immersed in preparations. I focused on every small detail and made calls to those involved in getting our special guests to arrive. Two hours before the party goers were to arrive, I made my way to my office and got ready in the attached private bathroom.
I dressed in a simple black strapless mini-dress that clung to my curves like a second skin. I paired the dress with my favorite silver stilettos and silver jewelry. I straightened my hair and kept my makeup light, feeling the need to look as natural as possible. Looking in the mirror before I went back out into the club, I was happy with the way I looked and excited about what the night would bring.
As the guests started arriving, I played my role as hostess as well as I could. I mingled with everyone, made sure every guest was happy and had full glasses. It was an open bar for the night, so I knew everyone was going to have a good time. Paul was the head bartender for the night and let me know everything was going smoothly around an hour into the party. Heidi informed me that our special guests would be arriving in thirty minutes, which was perfect as Tori was set to arrive in just ten. We would have time to do the whole "Surprise" thing, then get her settled before bringing our guests out. It was all just too perfect.
Ten minutes later, we received word that Victoria had just arrived to the front of the club and was panicking because there was no line of people waiting to get in the club. She was there under the impression that she was to be set up on a blind date, and the bouncer at the door was put in charge of telling her there was a situation and we had to shut the doors to the club for the night. Heidi was standing at the door with the bouncer and sent me the text to have everyone shut the fuck up and get ready to yell "surprise".
To say Victoria was surprised would be an understatement. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she embraced me and thanked me for doing this for her.
"Fuck. Does that mean there is no blind date?" She pouted. "I fucking wore my fancy panties and everything." I rolled my eyes at her.
"Yeah, like you planned on putting out. You have gotten laid less than I have in the time we have lived in New York." I raised my eyebrows at her daring her to deny what I just said. "And that's only because I got a good fucking while in Vegas"
"Shit. Is it possible to become a virgin again?" She asked in mock horror. It was sad to say that neither of had been with anyone after our break-ups and I knew Tori really needed to get fucked…and fucked good.
"Nah. You can't be a virgin when you still shove that fake cock up your punani." I teased. Even though Tori loved the pussy, she was a huge fan of dildos. I remember an in-depth conversation during one drunken night of all the toys she and Tanya had used during their relationship. They had a "Frequent Banger" card for the sex ship they purchased from weekly.
"Fuck. I need a drink." Victoria blurted out suddenly before raising a hand to Paul and making some gesture that I assumed he understood because he nodded and got to work grabbing bottles and pouring liquids.
"Um. Boss lady." Heidi tapped my shoulder and held up her Blackberry so I could read the update on our special guests.
The package has arrived. Ready to go on stage in 5.
I smiled hugely to Heidi and grabbed Victoria to lead her to the lounge area I had set up just for her. It was located on our balcony and completely surrounded by curtains so no one could see in to it. It would be our private viewing area for the performance we would be watching.
The stage was set up with the curtain closed to give the guests a chance to get ready, having already set things up and done a sound check earlier in the day. Tori eyed it warily as we got seated in the lounge area and narrowed her eyes at me when she saw the excitement I could no longer hold in.
"What the fuck are you up to?" She questioned me.
"Nothing. Just sit back and enjoy the show." I winked at her and just as we both sat back, the opening beat of the first song began. I looked over to Victoria to see her eyes wide and her mouth open.
"No, you fucking didn't." She exclaimed just as the curtains opened to reveal Muse as they performed Undisclosed Desires.
"Uh, yeah, I fucking did. Now shut up. I need to focus on my fantasies about Matt." I smirked at her and went back to watching the band perform.
After the first part of their set, Matt announced they would be taking a quick break and be back to finish up the performance. We took this time to go back out and mingle with the guests at the party. Everyone was buzzing from the energy of such an impressive performance.
During the break, we went the cliché party route, rolling out an over-sized cake while the drunken party attendees sang an off-key rendition of "Happy Birthday". As soon as the last bits of the song finished, Esme popped out of the top of the cake wearing a blood red corset, thong and garter belt, holding up black thigh-highs and topping the whole look off with red fuck-me heels.
Quite a few men jumped at the chance to assist in getting Esme safely down to floor level. Once there, she hugged Victoria, and pulled her to a chair. When Tori was properly seated, Esme straddled her and began an erotic lap dance to Cherry Pie. I had not been given the details of Esme's present to Tori, so I was not prepared for this and shook my head at my dear friends. This was an on-going joke between the two where Tori would constantly ask Esme for a lap dance and Es would reply with "in your dreams sweet tits."
After Esme's little show, the cake was rolled to the back and Victoria let me know she would be staying on club level to watch the remainder of the set. I wanted to be alone for a little while and retreated to the quiet confines of the lounge to get away from everyone for a while and just bask in the music.
Muse came back out after a thirty-minute break and went straight to playing some of their older songs. There were times where I just closed my eyes and listened to the lyrics or I would watch the intense movements of the band. I was brought out of my trance by Matt's voice speaking into the microphone.
"The last song for the evening is one we had not planned on playing, but we received a special request and couldn't say no. We're all suckers for a good love story." Matt smirked and gave the nod to the other guys to start the song. Cheers were heard when the opening piano notes were heard and I wondered who could have possibly requested such a romantic song.
Suddenly, as I listened intently to the lyrics of I Belong to You, I thought of Edward and felt like I was suffocating in the small lounge I was sitting in. I made several attempts at getting up from my perch on the sofa, but couldn't move. My body felt like it was shutting down and I was completely still as the music slowed to the 2 opera stanzas within the song. My body was frozen as my mind took in the significance of such as song. It was the ultimate love song and I could feel my heart crumbling to a million pieces at my feet for the love I lost.
That's when I felt the presence of someone behind me. Not able to move, I hoped it was just the waitress dropping off another drink and hoped she would leave quickly. But the presence remained behind me and eventually touched my shoulder. The sudden spark of electricity I felt went straight to my heart and it began beating faster. I knew who was behind me, but couldn't bring myself to turn and confirm it.
As soon as the song ended, Matt looked up to the balcony and gave a slight nod at the person behind me. It was at that moment I realized that song was for me. Slowly, the person left their spot behind me and walked around the couch to stand in front of me. A hand reached in front of me, which I hesitantly grabbed. With a slight tug, I was pulled from my seat and stood directly in front of the person who I thought I would never see again.
"Why are you here?" I whispered.
"I can't stay away from you." He responded in the same whisper.
"But you said you can't do this anymore." I whimpered, realizing just how hurt those words had made me.
"No, you silly girl." He chuckled lightly and reached out to stroke my cheek. "I wanted you to know I couldn't do the whole casual thing anymore. The more I have gotten to know you through all of our silly assignments, the deeper my feelings have grown for you."
As if in slow motion, I raised my head to peer into his green eyes.
"Bella. I belong to you. I need more than just emails and coffee dates. I need you." Looking intently into my eyes, he spoke the words I have been waiting for since the moment we met all those years ago.
"I love you, Bella." A crooked smile graced his face and it was obvious he was proud of himself for being able to say those words. "I'm pretty sure I always have been."
I couldn't stop the smile that broke out on my face or the fact that my arms threw themselves around Edward's shoulders, knocking him off kilter and onto the couch next to the one I was previously on. With Edward on his back and me laying on top of him, I grabbed his face and smiled down at him.
"I love you, too." I exclaimed before crushing my lips to his.
A/N: I really hope you guys liked this chapter. I really do apologize for taking so long to update. There are only 2 chapters left (well one chapter and then the epilogue) and I will push myself to not wait so long between chapters this time.
If you haven't done so already, please check out my new story, One Crazy Life.
And if you are so inclined, I would love to read what you thought of this chapter. You are welcome to tell me how much I suck for making you wait in your review...plus hopefully give me some love for this chapter.