An Apology

"Lord Tony's Wife" might seem like a pretty basic Orczy story, but it isn't. It is, in fact, totally impossible. Oh, the premise is okay, and everything that Blakeney and The League do are quite formulaic for Orczy - meaning that the story is intricate enough to be interesting, well (ish) executed, and definitely, wonderfully entertaining. But in everything else. . . Orczy just CAN'T be serious. Yvonne is a. . . um. . . supposed heroine. . . and she. . . well. . . I won't go there. (because I'm about to vent everything in the following story anyway :) Then there's Tony. Poor guy, he was really great and happy and boyishly honest - the second most well developed (after Ffoulkes) and the most entertaining of the League members IMHO - and then he meets "Yvonne The Supposed Heroine" and. . . turns to sappy jelly. Sickening. Tony would never turn to sappy jelly. No League member would. Even St. Just didn't. (he turned into stupid jelly, but that's a different thing. . . and then he redeemed himself)

And then, of course, there are the supposed villains! Chauvelin is great (because he just is) but the real "bad guys" in the story. . .Ugh! Wimps! Martin-Roget? Blah. Trying to pass himself off as the Pimpernel. . . Eek! Swim Away! And Carrier. . . !? . . . He's supposed to be some great and terrible evil god, and what does he do? He picks his teeth and hides in his room. He's so paranoid he almost sucks his thumb. Oh yeah, that's scary.

Um. . . no. I think not.

Personally, I think that Orczy was actually parodying herself with this story. It's just too funny in all the right places. Maybe it was her subconcious, and maybe not, but I love "Lord Tony's Wife" because I can read it and not get serious about any of it. In fact, I can make fun of it!

So I did.

And I had a lot of fun doing it, too.

(Warning - a lot got changed and a lot got taken out and a lot got put in and most of it tears Orczy to shreds, but what else can you expect from a parody?)

Please enjoy!

- The Baroness Orc

(Oh, yes, I do not own this story or any of the characters in it, a fact for which Orczy heirs are profoundly grateful. . .)

A Dedication

To - "Jade9" and "The Lark" for writing "The Truth About The Scarlet Pimpernel (With Jokes)" and "The Scarlet Pimpernel For Dummies" - Thank you both for your brilliant and inspiring stories. (Reading them inspired me to write this, so if anything I wrote seems ripped off from your stuff, I promise it was unintentional, and I apologize profusely.)

A Random Quotation That Has Nothing to Do With The Story

"I forbid you to set the crown of England upon that forfieted head! I am the king of England!

- Prince Edward, from "The Prince and the Pauper", by Mark Twain

A Stupid Poem That Really Has Nothing To Do With The Story

If You Can

If you can get a rhyme,

To rhyme

All the time,

Then fine.

I ain't a poet,

And now you know it.