'Pirates of the Caribbean' belongs to Disney.

Written for the fic challenge at Jack Madness: 'There were 15 crimes read at Jack's hanging. How did he come to be accused of each?' Here's my explanation for Crime #10: Poaching


"Good morning, Mr. Mercer!" Cutler Beckett greeted cheerily, as he sauntered towards the dining table in the Great Cabin. Yesterday the Endeavour had acquired several eggs- hard to come by, here in the middle of the ocean. Cutler dearly loved scrambled eggs, so was greatly looking forward to his breakfast.

Mercer, looking equally jovial, was setting a covered plate down at his master's place. "Good morning to you too, Mr. Beckett! I should mention; last night our cook mysteriously came down with ague. But we located a substitute chef, who says he can scramble eggs better than anybody on the seven seas!"

"Splendid, splendid!" Cutler sat down at the table, eagerly gripping his knife and fork. Mr. Mercer fastened a big napkin around Cutler's neck, and, with a flourish, whipped off the domed cover.

Both men gaped in utter horror. Instead of beautiful yellowish mush, the plate was covered with hideous objects resembling white plastic things that'd been melted in a microwave.

"Why, these aren't scrambled!" Cutler wailed. "These eggs have been..."

"... poached!" completed a gleefully gloating voice. Cutler and Mercer looked up, to see the new 'chef' sticking his head around the door, smirking triumphantly. He flung off the poofy white hat which had so effectively disguised him, to reveal he was none other than that egregious villain, Captain Jack Sparrow!

Before either EITC man could move, Jack had dashed up to the deck, grabbed a line, and swung over onto the Black Pearl (which nobody had noticed docked beside the aft railing.) Landing behind the wheel, Jack sped off in his beautiful black ship, laughing all the way.

Meanwhile, aboard the Endeavour, Mercer vainly tried to comfort his master, who was sobbing inconsolably over his ruined eggs. Suddenly Beckett arose, a wild look in his eye, and flung his plate against a casement, where the offending entrees bounced around like discontented wiffle balls.

Cutler shook his fist skyward, bellowing a mighty oath.

"I will make you pay for this, Jack Sparrow! If it's the last thing I ever do!"