7A/N: This is a songfic from Edward's point of view. He left Bella, but Bella never jumped off the cliff, therefore, Alice never had a vision, meaning Edward never comes back. This song is Don't Think I Don't Think About It by Darius Rucker.
Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Twilight Saga, nor do I own the following song.
People say that time will make things better. They are liars. They obviously have not been through what I have. It's not just the fact that I am a vampire and they aren't. it is something completely different.
They have never been in love as I have, they have never loved as I have, and they have never been loved as I have. But, all that's gone now, because I left.
Bella was the reason for my existence. My soul mate, if you will. I loved her more than anything else. But, when she met me, she was introduced to the world of vampires. My world is not the one for her. I left to give her the happiness and life she deserved. She was supposed to find someone and fall in love. She was supposed to get married and have children, and slowly grow old. I knew of course that what with her being human, this meant she would eventually die. But, I had always known I would follow shortly answer. She was supposed to live happily as a human. It's how things are meant to be, and I could not give her that.
So, as I do so well, I left.
I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust.
Swore I wasn't coming back, said I'd had enough.
Saw you in the rearview standing, fading from my life.
But I wasn't turning round, no not this time.
And now, just as I had hoped she would, she had moved on. When I left, she was broken. I had Alice for proof. She was like a zombie for months. But, she had Jacob. And Jacob fixed her when she needed it. They had slowly grown closer until one day Jacob decided to ask her out. Now, Bella was 22 and she was getting married.
But don't think I don't think about it.
Don't think I don't have regrets.
Don't think it don't get to me,
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey
Don't think I don't wonder 'bout
Coulda been shoulda been all worked out.
I know what I felt and I know what I said.
But don't think I don't think about it.
We make choices, we gotta live with them.
I heard you found a real good man and you married him.
I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind.
Where would we be today if I never drove that car away?
I wanted so badly to go to her and tell her the truth. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that I hadn't meant any of the awful things I had said. I needed her to know that I thought of her all of the time. Sometimes, it took all of the control in me not to just break down and heave tearless sobs. I missed her with every fiber of my being. I regret ever leaving. I wish I could take it all back. But, what's done is done.
But don't think I don't think about it.
Don't think I don't have regrets.
Don't think it don't get to me,
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey.
Don't think I don't wonder 'bout
Coulda been shoulda been all worked out.
I know what I felt and I know what I said.
But don't think I don't think about.
Don't think I don't think about.
So, today I stand in the background of her wedding, away from the eyes of the audience and away from the eyes of my love. The wedding is outdoors, as the sun is softly setting. It was twilight.
I stood in the trees as I watched the love of my life be handed off to another man. As I stand in the distance, I watch her for the last time.
Don't think I don't think about it.
Don't think I don't have regrets.
Don't think you don't get to me,
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey.
Don't think I don't wonder 'bout
Coulda been shoulda been all worked out.
I know what I felt and I know what I said.
But don't think I don't think about it.
As my Bella says her vows, I say one last time, "I love you."
No no. don't think I don't, don't think I don't.
And once again, I leave.
So let me know what you think!
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