"PG - 13"
Hidan argues with Masashi Kishimoto about whether or not his dialogue is ''age appropriate.'' (Warning: Heavy swearing) Oneshot crack fic
A/N: I am not trying to purposely insult Masashi sensei's sexuality or anyone else. So don't take offense! This fic is just something my insane mind came up.
Standard Disclaimer applied.
It was once again a busy day in the headquarters of the world - renowned Masashi Kishimoto Corporation. The man himself sat on his expensive leather armchair while drinking a latte from his mug with the famous "DATTEBAYO!™" logo on it.
As he was just on the verge of slipping into a dream about pretty rainbows and shirtless Sasukes, his office door creaked open and out poked his secretary's head. "Uh, sir, sorry to disturb you at a time like this, but there's a man here wanting to arrange a meeting with you", he said in a meek voice.
"Well, just tell him to meet me at a later time since I am quite busy right now", Masashi replied in a bored tone.
"But sir, I must insist, he's rather the determined sort."
"Whatever sort he is, you just have to tell him to wait and-", Masashi was then interrupted by his secretary hurriedly saying in an embarrassed tone,
"Well, sir, he just recently told me to quickly grant a meeting with you or else he's going to, er," peering at a memo pad, he read "Or else I'll fucking rip your balls out with my bare hands, shove it down your throat and then ask Jashin - sama for forgiveness", his secretary stuttered.
"Huh, well, I guess I can accept that. Bring the man in", Masashi ordered in a calm (if slightly frightened) voice.
"Holy shit, finally", a man's voice was then heard saying in relief.
The speaker was then walking in his office to his desk. He had a pale face, violet eyes, a giant scythe tied across his back and slicked - back white hair achieved by using elbow grease, probably, Masashi thought.
"Well, young man, to what do I owe this pleasure-", Masashi began.
"Yeah, yeah, just quit the sappy introduction part. Name's Hidan from the
"Pssht, aw c'mon, the Akatsuki? You gotta know who we are!" Hidan said.
"Damn. . .Oh wait for it, this'll make you remember; We're the ones who killed your pansy - ass main character! Hidan exclaimed.
"Oh yes, know I see. . .", Masashi pondered out loud. "Well, may I inquire you again your reasons for this meeting?"
"Yeah, whatever. You can fucking 'inquire' me all you want ' cause I got this stick up my ass all day and my psychiatrist told me to just 'express' it in a 'reasonable' manner, like hell", he snorted.
"But he was kinda right, after all. I sorta feel lighter somehow, or maybe that's just 'cause I crapped in your floor just now", he said while the noxious fumes spread out in the office. "Anyway, I put him out of his misery hours ago, so he's probably thanking me like hell now for doing him a favor."
"Yeah, well, enough of that shit. I wanna tell you the real reason why I'm here instead of doing my sacrifice rituals. Rumor has it that these crap - ass dubbers from Dattebayo™ are planning to "edit" my fucking dialogue? What the hell's that about?!" Hidan exclaimed.
"Well, you see Hidan - san, your dialogue is not entirely appropriate for our younger audience", Masashi replied.
"What the hell do you mean by that? What's wrong with it? It seems perfectly fine to me", Hidan sniffed.
"Well, for one thing, you frequently using the words 'fuck' and 'screw' are sort of agreed upon as PG - 13 material", Masashi said.
"Crap, that's all? You gotta be fucking me! I mean, seriously, why postpone this valuable part of education? They're just gonna screw each other sooner or later, the lucky little bastards! Better to start doing it while their still young so that they don't end up like poor Kisame here."
Kisame's voice could be heard saying an indignant "Hey! For your information, I've been 'getting some' just recently with my famous technique, the missionary shark positio-"
"Shh, not so loudly, Kisame - kun!" Itachi muttered with a slight blush on his usually stoic face.
Awkward silence ensued.
Hidan coughed and continued, "C'mon, you sure you can't do anything about it?"
"No, I really don't have the authority over these type of things", sighed Masashi.
"Ah, screw it. Fine, I'll let it go this time. . .Hm, wonder if Itachi and Kisame are up for a threesome. . ." Hidan wondered out loud, leaving Masashi in a puddle of blood from his own nose bleed.
A/N: Owari! Haha, thank you for reading. Please leave a review if you can! ;)