Hey everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to all who have reviewed. You guys made my day. These people include:
jasmine111196, Lily-Potter8, 19Twilighter19, Pandy the Dandy, yesisalas, and Dpichette.
You guys all reviewed and it made me smile. Also thank you to all of the people who added me to your alert list. Another way to make an author happy! :D I would also like to thank my friend Meghan. She has been reading these and making sure things aren't too terrible. I love you all! Ok enough with the note… here is the chapter!
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I wish…That would be amazing. Anyways the amazing Stephenie Meyer owns it…
As my family and I pulled up to the house we had just outside of Forks, I felt the memories rushing through my head—every moment with my precious Bella, the one who was dead because of me. Suddenly I felt waves of calm come over me as I heard Jasper think:
Stop feeling guilty about losing her. It wasn't your fault. You couldn't do anything about it and you know it.
"Thanks Jasper," I said, knowing he was right that I couldn't do anything. I just wished it was her to 'survived' and not me. But at the same time I didn't because I wouldn't want to damn her to this life like I was. But maybe she did survive. Maybe she got out alive and she found someone else and lived a happy life with him. All I want is for her to be happy and I doubt that if she were here now she would want me. Why would my angel want a monster?
Stop with the self loathing. I can't handle it man.
"Sorry Jasper. I think I'm going to go out for a while, try to clear my head. I'll be back soon. Will you let the others know?"
"Sure man. Take as long as you need." We hate seeing you like this. I hope you find what you need.
I won't find what I need I thought bitterly to myself as I took off out the door with a run. I need to see her again, touch her, hold her, and be with her. I can't have that because she is gone.
After running for a while, I finally looked around and realized where I had run to. Great grief washed over me as I stood looking at our meadow. I fell to my knees when the impact of the memories overwhelmed me. I was flooded with all the time we spent here. I could almost see my angel there on the other side of the meadow.
"Bella," I whispered and with that I couldn't take being her any more. I could feel her here and I couldn't handle it. I knew she wasn't here, at least not how I want her to be.
As I headed out away from the meadow and the memories I heard a faint whisper. It sounded so much like my angel. I stopped completely when I heard her mumble "Edward?" in a pained whisper.
I knew it couldn't really be my angel but why would my memory make her voice pained? My angel shouldn't be pained. I knew I couldn't keep myself from breaking down for much longer so I ran back to the house on the outskirts of Forks. I walk in to see my entire family in the living room. Not being able to face them at the moment I rushed into my room and blasted my music trying to drown out the sound of my family calling after me with worried tones.
"Leave him alone for now," I heard Alice tell them. "He'll be better soon. Right now he just needs to be by himself."
What did she mean I would be better soon? I looked into her mind only to find her blocking me.
Edward Cullen! Don't be looking into my mind. You'll figure it out soon enough.
With that I blasted my music a little more, just wanting to have some peace. Maybe it was a mistake coming back here. Maybe I wasn't ready. But I need this. I need to find out what happened to my angel. I needed to do this before I drove my family away like I had with Nicholas. Even though he said I didn't drive him away I know I did. He had wanted me to come with him at one time to find the rest of his family—he was looking for his mate, Molly—but when my depression perspired and I found Carlisle, he left me with him. I haven't seen him since he left 85 years ago but I have talked to him some. When he returned home, there was someone new in their coven so he has been busy trying to keep her spirits up. She was like me in that way. I remembered that his coven was meeting us in Forks but I didn't want to see them. I only wanted to see Bella and I knew that I couldn't. So why is it, then that I feel like she is here? Maybe it's because she is, in memory. With that thought, I drowned everything out with my music and sorrows.
When my family arrived at our house just outside of Forks, I was reminded of everything I tried to forget. That was my defense—to forget everything because forgetting would help ease the pain of everything. But I couldn't forget because of my cursed vampire memory. I was brought out of my wallowing when I heard Chris say,
"Bella, we're here. You need to stop looking so sad kid. It breaks my heart."
"Yeah, Bella. It was your idea to come here in the first place. Cheer up. You might find exactly what you're looking for here," Nicholas said to me.
I can remember how Nicholas came back to the family five years after I was changed. He was looking for his mate, Molly, when he came across two people who were in an accident. He said one was too far gone to change but the other one, the male, he changed. He stayed with him for five years because he was depressed but soon left when he found Molly to go back to his family (us). He had offered the man to come with him to become part of our family but he was too depressed to come. Instead, Nicholas left the man with his good friend Carlisle and the Cullen's. It turns out that Carlisle's family has come to stay in Forks too, but I didn't want to see them.
"Bella? Are you listening?" Gina, Chris's mate said.
"What?" I asked. "Sorry, I was just thinking. I think I'm going to go for a run. I'll be back in a little bit," I said while heading out the door.
I took off running and I was soon lost within myself. Running was one of the only ways I could get away. I soon came back to myself when I realized where I ended up. I was in our meadow, the place where we used to go to have our peace. We felt like nothing could get to us when we were here. I remembered all of the bliss and I could almost feel him here. I closed my eyes and I heard him whisper, "Bella."
My eyes shot open to see my angel on the other side of the meadow. I was in shock. I blinked and I opened my eyes again to see my angel gone. Coming out of my shock I whispered "Edward?" in a pained voice, hoping he would come back to me. I waited for a few moments and blinked a few more times, waiting, hoping, praying for my angel to be there again when I opened them. When he didn't come back to me, I fell to the ground and started sobbing.
"Come back Edward. Please just come back. I need you." I couldn't control myself anymore. All the pain that was bottled up for so long came out. I know I hadn't been able to completely hide my pain but I have never completely showed it. Now I couldn't keep my pain inside myself anymore. Feeling and seeing him here pushed me over that edge. So I sat there, dry sobbing, being submerged in my pain and misery. I wanted to see him again. I needed to see him again.
Just as I was thinking of this, I heard someone come from the bushes. I looked up to see a short girl with short black spikey hair. She looked very pixie-ish. I could tell automatically she was a vampire and looking at her topaz eyes that she was, like me, a vegetarian.
"Don't cry. Everything will be alright," she said. "I know everything will work out, Bella."
"How do you—"I started to say before I was cut off.
"Shoot! I have to go. I'll see you soon I'm sure," she said as she gave me a quick smile and took off again out back the way she came. I sat there in shock for a moment but then realized it was getting late. I decided to head back home figuring my family would start to worry soon. I took off for home and got there quickly.
With a quick hello to my family, I headed up to my room not wanting them to see how much pain I was in. Once I got there I put on some music and got lost thinking about day at the meadow. I know I saw Edward didn't I? Maybe I just thought I did because I miss him so much. With that thought I moved away from the meadow and spent the rest of my night thinking about my life, my love, and my angel: My Edward.
So? I know it's not too long but it's getting better. What did you think? The only way I'll know what you think is if you review. I would like to get at least 5 more reviews before I update. I'm not really asking a lot. I just want to know what you think. Also, if you have any ideas please let me know! Thank you all! You guys are wonderful! Review! :D