Disclaimer: Supernatural doesn't belong to me!

Author's note: As promised, the second part! I'm so sorry for the long wait. I had honestly completely forgotten about it. Thanks for the reviews!

Beta: Thanks to Teresa, a Dean-girl who made sure this sounded like Dean. Thanks, hun!

So normal, yet so different
Dean

Metallica filled the silence in the otherwise quiet Impala. Neither brother spoke, neither one felt the need to after what had happened.

Dean wished he could say something witty to break the strained and uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them. He wished there was some clever remark he could make to ease the guilt that was smothering them. Unfortunately, he was coming up blank. There was nothing he could possibly say to make things better between them. He wasn't even sure he wanted to try and fix yet another crack in their relationship.

Sam wasn't listening to anything he was saying anyway. He was still making plans with Ruby, plans that involved Lilith and using his powers. Dean didn't like it one bit. That was not why he'd gone to Hell. He went to Hell to make sure his brother stayed alive and safe. At the moment, Sam was anything but safe. Heaven and Hell were breathing down their necks. It would only be a matter of time before the Angels caught on to what Sam was planning on doing and he had the feeling there would be consequences.

Dean's hands clenched around the steering wheel as he remembered Castiel's warning. He knew the Angel wasn't kidding. They would take Sam out in a heartbeat. Dean was basically the only thing standing between the Angels and Sam. He wasn't sure how long he could hold that position. All he knew was that if they so much as suggested killing Sam again, he would kick their holy asses back to Heaven himself. Demon blood or no demon blood, Sam was still his little brother and it was still his duty to look out for him, even if Sam made that task increasingly difficult.

He glanced at Sam out of the corner of his eyes, just in time to see him shiver.

"You okay?" He asked, voice sounding oddly empty.

"I'm fine." Sam answered a heartbeat later, voice sounding the same. It made it very clear that he was everything but fine. Sam almost never closed himself emotionally.

Under normal circumstances, he would ask further but it was clear what he was thinking about. It was exactly what Dean was trying not to think about. It was impossible.

"You're too weak to go after her. You're holding me back. I'm a better hunter than you are, stronger, smarter. I can take out demons you're too scared to go near. You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, whining about the souls you tortured in Hell."

He was pretty sure he would never forget those words. They had cut deep and hurt him more than he cared to admit. He had never in a million of years thought Sam would think this way about him. He never thought Sam would think he was weak and pathetic after everything he had gone through. It wasn't fair, damn it. Sam didn't understand, he couldn't understand.

There were no words to describe the torture he had gone through. He couldn't explain the burning pain that had consumed him day after day, week after week. He couldn't explain that intense feeling of pleasure of being able to bring pain instead of receive it. He couldn't explain the relief it had brought. He couldn't even explain it to himself, let alone someone else. He couldn't begin to justify it either. He had tortured good souls like his had once been, souls who were there for someone else, souls who had been claimed and driven to insanity by demons.

He was no better than the lot of them. At least Sam still believed he was using his powers for the greater good. Dean had willingly and knowingly brought pain to others. He still didn't understand why Castiel had brought him back, why God wanted someone who had enjoyed torturing innocent souls.

He should just stop thinking, before the memories he had tried so hard to block out came back. He should focus on where they were going instead. He had no idea where he was going. He'd just wanted to drive, get as far away from that town as possible.

Whenever he glanced at Sam, he could see the cut he had inflicted on his brother. It stood out against the pale flesh of his throat, mocking him, making him feel guilty. It was nothing compared to the guilt he felt at almost killing Sam. With clarity, he remembered the expression of fear right before he had brought the axe down. If Bobby hadn't shown up when he did, the axe would have cut clean through Sam's his throat. He would have killed his own brother. The scariest part of it was that he had wanted to. He hadn't thought twice about what he was doing.

All he had felt was pain, hate and a conviction that the person on the ground was no longer his Sammy. He hadn't been since he had got back from Hell. Heck, maybe he hadn't been since the day he made that deal to bring Sam back.

In retrospect, it was all his own doing. He had forced Sam into this position, he knew that. He knew Sam had only embraced his powers to try and get him back from the pit. He was the reason Sam had turned into this new person. This person that Dean sometimes didn't even recognize.

Sometimes, he felt like his brother was a stranger. He hated that feeling and it always threw him, made him feel lost though he'd be damned if he ever admitted that out loud. Then other times, the Sammy he knew was back, sometimes he would see a flash of him in the way Sam smiled or in his eyes or in his behavior. Unfortunately, that seemed to get less frequent as more time passed.

Dean hated it. He knew though that he couldn't blame Sam for changing. Sam had been on his own, overwhelmed by guilt and had turned to the first person he thought could help. Unfortunately, that person had been Ruby instead of Bobby. She had offered him the one thing that Bobby would never have been able to offer him: Lilith.

He knew what the need for revenge could do to Sam, he had seen it after Jessica's death. Sam was still hell-bent on revenge, it was obvious. Dean also knew that wasn't the only reason he wanted the demon dead. Sam had never been into hunting like he was. Sam wanted it to be over. Dean didn't blame him, he wanted it to be over too. He was just scared that Sam would go too far in trying to stop Lilith, that there would be no saving him once he had taken her on. More than anything, that scared him.

All he could do was keep an eye on Sam, look out for him. He just hoped he'd be enough to safe Sam before it was too late.

He glanced up at the sky, noticing it was getting dark already. It would be best to find a motel and get a good night's sleep. Maybe the new day would bring hope and a solution. He realized that was too much to ask for. He'd already be glad if the new day brought less awkwardness.

They needed to work together, trust each other. He had basically told Sam that he didn't trust him. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the complete truth either. He still trusted Sam to have his back in a dangerous situation. He just didn't trust him when it came to Ruby and his powers. He'd always been able to rely on Sam but he knew this newfound waryness was something he would need to learn to live with for the time being. In order to survive, he had to try to think about it as less as possible. That seemed difficult.

They reached a town. Finding a motel proved easy enough.

"We better spend the night here." Dean said, killing the engine.

"Good idea." Sam agreed.

Dean went over to the reception area to book them a room while Sam grabbed their stuff from the trunk.

"I'm going to take a shower." Dean announced. It seemed just like any other time that they shared a motel room and yet nothing was the same. Things had once more changed between them. So normal, yet so different.

The end

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