Epilogue: A Long-Expected Party

"Truly, you do not have to do this, Celebrinlas. I would not blame you at all if you chose differently."

Celebrinlas shook her head. "No—she is not to be blamed for the sins of her mother. I know that Lord Elrond would take good care of her, but—" Her hand trailed down to her stomach and she looked at the ground. "I would prefer it if our child had an older sister. . ."

Legolas was taken aback. "Our—our child? You mean—"

Celebrinlas grinned widely. Her husband gave a shout of joy and Celebrinlas leapt into his arms, where she was spun around in the air, shrieking and laughing.

Little Anarildë-Ainulindalenna, the daughter of Legolas and Melodiel, was renamed, from that day forth, Anaril, and Celebrinlas adopted her as her own daughter. She grew up into a normal Elf-maiden with a cheery personality and the same blonde hair as her father Legolas. Anaril's little half-brother Nenion was born many months later and was learning to crawl when his proud father returned from the War of the Ring. They then moved to Ithilien and settled there, where they could be near their good friend King Elessar and all his family.

Anaril later had some of her own encounters with Sues, for the battle against Suedom was not yet over—but that is another story.

The adventures of the Fellowship of the Ring are known to all, and will not be elaborated upon here.

But let it be said that the feasting and revelry in Rivendell lasted for nearly two weeks after the destruction of Melodiel and her ring. Old tales were revived every night in the Hall of Fire, and until the Ring was thrown into the fiery abyss of Orodruin the Fellowship knew no happier time.

All that was left of Melodiel, or Sue Marie if you will, were a few charred bones which the Balrog's digestive system had obviously objected to. Some of the Elves took them and carved them into rather odd-looking wind chimes which were hung up in various strange places, where they served the purpose of warning others of the fate of Mary Sues, and especially ones who committed numerous disgusting crimes.

As the shadows cast by the setting sun lengthened slowly across the Valley, Argileth stood outside upon a balcony with her dark hair unbound. It would make an ending indeed worthy of song, if after Melodiel's demise no Sues ever came to trouble Middle-Earth again. But Argileth knew very well that there would always be a Sue to trouble them in the Hither Lands, though hopefully there would be less as time went on. Right now, however, she was content just to watch the skies clearing and the sunlight catching on the droplets of water hanging from the leaves.

At the sound of footsteps crunching somewhere behind her, she turned her head to see who it was. A smile curled her lips when her gaze fell upon the familiar figure of her best friend.

"How do you fare, Elenir?"

"Tolerably well, considering everything," answered the young ellon, coming up to stand beside her. "And what have you to say for yourself on this whole episode?

Argileth pushed a strand of hair that blew into her face out of the way. "Well, I cannot say that it was particularly pleasant, but it was very. . .interesting."

"Do you ever think that the world will be rid of Mary Sues?"

"No, I do not," she sighed. "It would be infinitely more pleasant to suppose that one day they would stop plaguing Ennor, but it is too much to hope for."

"There is always hope," answered Elenir, leaning onto the rails. His hand accidentally brushed against Argileth's and both quickly jerked away at the sudden contact. A few awkward moments of silence followed, which the elleth was determined to break, though her heart was beating rapidly.

"So—you are determined to be an optimist?" she asked.

"No, just hopeful. When it comes to Mary Sues, being an optimist has its dangers, for one can be easily and suddenly disappointed."

"Why? Because they steadfastly refuse to die even when you think you have killed them?"

Elenir chuckled. "My dear, sarcastic friend. I must admit, however, that it was quite amusing to see you suddenly become a Sue."

Argileth rolled her eyes, at which Elenir laughed. "I do not wish to ever have that experience again," she grumbled. "At least everything is back to normal now."

A sudden flash of light that did not come from the sun moved across the Valley. Argileth grinned and pointed to the lighthouse that was still standing in a rather precarious position in the middle of a narrow path (and whose light source was completely unknown). "Well, almost normal," she laughed. "I wonder why that is still there."

"Did you enjoy having Melodiel's powers for a time?" asked Elenir curiously.

"Well. . .I cannot deny that it was quite fascinating—but honestly, all the dreadful things I said and did in that state! I even looked like a Sue. . ."

She suddenly paused for a moment and bit her lip. There was a question that she had wanted to ask Elenir, but—it was rather embarrassing. Perhaps she should just keep silent on the subject.

"Argileth? Is something the matter?" Elenir's voice held a note of concern.

"No—no, it is perfectly alright," said Argileth hastily, looking away. If she said what was on her mind, it would certainly come across as very Sueish. And despite her Sueish ancestry (and her recent experience as a Sue), she was certainly not about to become one over something as trifling as this. "It is just that—I don't know. . ."

Elenir moved closer and laid a reassuring hand upon her arm. "You can always tell me anything, Argileth. You know that."

She was silent for a moment, but reassured by Elenir's promise, she said quietly: "When I was a Sue, you—you said that I looked beautiful. . ."

"And I meant every word," he answered. Argileth gave him a wobbly smile in response, nervously noting that they were standing much closer than they had been before—


The two sprang apart very quickly and turned in the direction of Erestor, who had a slightly amused expression on his face. Trying not to blush, Argileth said rather snappily, "Yes?"

"Lord Elrond wishes to know why you have a Sue-object in your possession. Namely this." Erestor held up the little pink phone, which was looking a little battered from Argileth's various escapades. She gasped.

"Give that back!"

Erestor ignored her. "He also wishes to know why there are fifteen missed calls from Sauron—"

He was interrupted by Argileth's suddenly snatching it off him. "I had completely forgotten about it! Oh, he will kill me when he discovers that I forged a temporary alliance between Rivendell and Mordor!"

"In that case, you have not long to live."

"Oh, shut up!" she said rudely, hastening back indoors to find Lord Elrond and appease his wrath before things could get too far out of control. The master of Imladris did not usually shout at people, but when she came to his office she was left in no doubts as to the extent of his anger as he bellowed,

"Argileth, there is much that requires your explanation!"

He was standing up and his eyes were flashing. At the sight she swallowed nervously.

This would take quite some time.

The End

A/N: And that concludes the craziness that is Fair Wanderer, Thou Makest Me Sicker!

Looking back over this story, I can see just how much my writing has improved since I began writing it a year ago. At some point I might go back and edit the first few chapters, depending on how much time I have.

Many thanks go to all of you readers, and especially to those who have reviewed and thus contributed to making this story better, either through plot ideas, constructive criticism, or simply through expressing thoughts. I appreciate it so much. Keep the reviews coming!

This was a lot of fun to write and I hope that you have all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it.

Navaer and happy writing! :)

~ Araloth the Random