Beginnings

Chapter 22

June 1, 2004

Cody watched as his little sister pulled hay bales off the top of the loft and threw them down into the stalls. He hadn't talked to her in over a week. Not since he pulled her out of the mud. A lot had happened since he kicked her out of his hospital room nearly a month ago. He had fallen in love with Ava's mother Sarah. The woman was like no one he had ever met. She stood up to him when he got angry, called him out when he was wrong, and helped him hold it together when things got too heavy for him to bear. This morning told him that if he didn't get off his ass and talk to his sister today, she was going back to LA. He knew it was an idol threat. Sarah hated LA about as much as she hated her ex husband. But he had to talk to Jess. There was an ocean of crap between them and it needed to be cleared up.

"Hey Jess?" He shouted a bit louder than he meant to. Startled Jess loss her footing and her glove got caught in the ropes holding the bales together, propelling her off the edge of the loft. She landed on her back, the seventy five pound bale landing on top of her. "Oh shit." Cody was next to her in a flash and pulled the bale off of his sister. "Jess…Jess are you okay?" Her eyes were closed. He checked her pulse. Before he had a chance to react she flipped him onto his back straddled him.

"What the hell, Cody." She punched his shoulder with all the strength she had left in her, rolled off him and laid on her back next to him. "I could have died just now."

"Yeah…" He looked at her. "But you didn't."

"Matt's gonna find out you tried to kill me again." Cody looked at his sister.

"I promise it won't happen again."

"Don't be making promises you can't keep big brother." He smiled.

"I guess I shouldn't." Boosting himself on his elbow's he looked into her eyes. "I've missed you Jess. I'm so sorry I took out my anger and frustration out on you back at the hospital. You have done everything to pull me back after Afghanistan and I haven't been ready to start again."

"Till now."

"Yeah, till now. Sarah and Ava…they have made me see that life after tragedy is possible. No matter what her ex did to them, they both are so full of light and love. I know you've been telling me the same thing since I got back, but I had to see it was possible." Jess smiled. He would never know what she had gone through with the McCormicks those first years of her life. The shouting, the insults, the feeling of being unwanted could have made her someone different but the love of Cody and the other Hawkes had saved her from that. "I don't know why I was the way I was to you when I woke up. You have been my rock for so long Jess…I…I guess I wanted you to be free of that."

"Kinda like the way Matt wanted me to be free of the mountain." The hurt in her eyes was apparent. He never wanted her to hurt like that.

"No Jess. I never not want you to be part of my life…I just don't want you to have to bear both our baggage." Jess stood up and winced. "You cracked some ribs." Cody knew her too well.

"I guess I should go to the ER." Trying to take a deep breath hurt more than anything she ever felt. "Cody…bring me to the ER." He stood up and helped her walk to the helicopter pad. "I don't want any more regrets Cody."

"Jess…now's not the time."

"Yes." She grabbed his hand as he strapped her into the seat. "No more fighting. Sarah loves you and you love her. That's all that matters. I will always be here…whether you like…like it or…or not." He moved to the pilot's seat. "Just…just don't screw this up."

"Things with Sarah or the flight?" He put on his head set.

"Both." Smiling Cody started the engine.

"You got it little sister. Ace to HMR base."

"Cody what the hell are you doing?" Matt's voice echoed through the headset.

"Taking little sister to the ER so could you call ahead and make some reservations?"

"What happened?"

"Co..Cody tried to…" Cody flipped off her mike.

"Just a little accident in the hayloft Flying Tiger…you can read it in my report."

"Cody!"

June 14, 2004

5:45

Jess winced when she punched the bag with any force. The hay bale Cody had made her drop had cracked two ribs and put her on light duty for two weeks but they were talking now and if it took two broken ribs to make that happen, she could live with it.

"Dinner Jess!" The sound of Benji yelling for her broke her out of her thoughts. Taking off her gloves she wiped the sweat off her face. Things were going really well with Cutler and even Matt and her were getting along. Taking the back stairs she grabbed a towel and headed for a quick shower.

7:15

Jess and Cutler finished up the dishes. Everyone else was reading or watching TV so they both grabbed a cup of coffee and sat at the table.

"How's the ribs?"

"Better after my shower." Lately they didn't need many words between them. They were comfortable with each other and that scared her. She liked things edgy and new so why was she comfortable with Cutler?

"Do you want to go to Palm Springs next weekend? An old Army buddy of mine has some surfers in a competition and I thought it would be an excuse to get away."

"Do you really think Matt will give us both the time off?"

"Hey, once every year we get the same weekend off. Next weekend is that week end." He was right. Once a year their days off coincided with each other and they shared a weekend off. Three days to be exact. Every year when it came around they were fighting or some big rescue put one or both back on the schedule. It was meant to be this year…maybe.

"Okay." She leaned over and kissed him. "Pray for a slow week."

"The slowest."

June 18, 2004

Jess packed her bag for the weekend. Three whole days and nights with Cutler, alone, without one person to judge them or to shake their heads in disapproval. Reaching into the bathroom drawer she took out her birth control pills. This was going to be a fresh start weekend. No more childish games. Tossing the pills in the trash she took a deep breath. If they were meant to be, things would work themselves out one way or another.

June 19, 2004

6:oo a.m.

Jess slid into the passenger's seat and Cutler closed the door. They needed to be on the road and at least an hour away before a call came in or they could both kiss this long weekend goodbye. Getting in Cutler leaned over and kissed her.

"Now is not the time Jimmy. Drive and you can kiss me all you want when we get there." He smiled at her and started the truck. They were heading toward the highway when Jess's phone started ringing.

"Don't answer it Jess." He pushed his foot a little harder on the gas.

"I have to. Rules are rules Jimmy." She answered the phone. "HMR Hawkes, how may I help you?"

"Get your ass back here." Cody was trying really hard to sound bad ass but Jess knew better.

"Wow, some people skills you're working with today big brother." He laughed.

"Don't worry about my people skills until Tuesday, little sister. I'll make sure your phone never rings. As much as the thought of Cutler and you on a beach turns my stomach, you both need some time off after taking care of me for the last year."

"We did it because we love you Cody."

"Yeah, I know. Now go have a good time and please stay out of trouble."

"Roger that Ace, hold down the fort and we'll see you on Tuesday." Jess hung up the phone, turned it off and threw it in the center console.

"I guess that means it's clear all the way to Palm Springs?" Jess smiled and leaned over and kissed him.

"Gotta love a brother who feels a little guilty."

June 22, 2004

It had been a great weekend. Awesome surfing, great food and good friends made it one of the best times Jess and Cutler had in a long time. Jim's friends made her feel welcome and never left out even when they were telling old war stories. Cody came in just as she started filing the weekend's paperwork.

"The prodigal daughter returns." He smiled at her.

"To paper work the wayward son forgot to file all weekend long." She frowned at him.

"I figured you were still on light duty this week and I didn't want you to be board." He sat on the corner of the desk. "Without any over sharing…how was your weekend?"

"Nice. I like Cutler's friends. They treated me like I wasn't ten years younger than most of them and made me feel like I belonged."

"Did you think they wouldn't like you?"

"I don't know what I thought Cody." She sat back and looked at him. "I'm ten years younger than him and I always will be. We know each other's secrets and know how to push each other's buttons but somehow we always come back to each other. When I was fifteen and wanted nothing more than Jim Cutler to look at me like he did the waitress at The Grill or flirt with me like he did with the tourist but now he looks at me and I see something different."

"What do you see?"

"He's in love with me Cody. I know that sounds conceited and maybe I'm being just that but I'm scared he'll want more than I want to give right now."

"So after twelve years of chasing his ass up and down the mountain you're just now deciding that he'll want more?" He chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me Cody."

"I'm not. I just think you're crazy." He leaned over and tweaked her nose. "If you are leading our friend to a shit load of heartache baby sister, take care of it now before he's in so deep, you leaving will kill the poor bastard." Cody got up off the desk and left her to contemplate her future with Cutler and finish filing his paper work.

August 19, 2004

3:45 a.m.

"Jess, so help me God if you do that again I will kill you myself." Cody was holding the door of the station open for her.

"I was safe."

"The hell you were. You were hanging from a cliff in the middle of the night just to save a damn owl."

"She was trapped."

"She can fly Jess…you can't." He slammed down his helmet on the counter. "I swear sometimes you do things just to piss me off." He grabbed a soda from the fridge and turned around and glared at her. Matt came in.

"I heard you two coming a mile away. What the hell happened out there?"

"One minute little sister was pulling a woman out of a car teetering on the edge of Gosslin Ridge and the next she was repelling down the damn gorge to rescue an owl that got hit with debris."

"How's the owl?" Matt looked at his brother.

"Really, you're going to take her side on this?" Cody glared at his brother.

"I just asked if the owl was okay. That's really not taking sides Toad." Jess bit her lip to stop from smiling.

"She could have killed herself. That gorge was pitch black."

"I had my spelunking thingy glowing on my helmet." Cody growled. "Okay. I was wearing my head lamp." She was messing with him now because she knew he hated when she renamed equipment to suit her whimsy.

"Get away from me Jessie Lynn. Just get away from me." He walked out of the room.

"Why Jess?" Matt looked at her.

"Because if I didn't, you would wonder what the hell was wrong with me." She grabbed a soda. "Matt I was perfectly safe. You know I wouldn't repel if I wasn't sure I was going to do it safely." Matt did know that. So did Cody.

"Why did he react the way he did then?" She leaned against the counter and looked at her brother.

"I might have said something when I was repelling." Matt shook his head. He was going to regret asking it but he had too.

"What did you say?" She looked sheepish.

"I said 'oops'."

"Your twenty eight years old Jess, why must you act like your twelve." He looked at her. "Happy Birthday, by the way."

"I don't know and thank you. Mom isn't planning anything is she?"

"I don't know. It's not like it a landmark birthday or anything."

"Every birthday I make it to is a landmark to someone." She grabbed and apple and headed out of the room.

"Keep poking Cody and you may not see thirty." Matt shouted behind her.

5:30 am

Cody looked at the woman sleeping in his bead. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, inside and out. She pulled him out of the darkest place he had ever known. Sarah McKnight made him feel whole again.

"Are you going to stand there all day Ranger Hawkes?"

"How did you know it was me?" He came into the room and sat on the bed.

"The gears in your head were turning louder than usual. What did Jess do now?" She turned and laid her head on her hand and watched him.

"Why do you think it's Jess?" He laid down next to her.

"Because you left work a half hour early just to avoid her."

"She's reckless."

"She's always been that way Cody. You both live for the rush. I know that and you know that." She touched his cheek. "Why did it piss you off more tonight?"

"I don't know." She looked into his deep blue eyes. He knew. "I can never, ever thank her or repay or do whatever I need to do to make things right between us. She flew into a hostile country without looking back and pulled me out of that place Sarah. Jess risked everything along with Matt and Cutler."

"Would you have done the same for her?" Sarah knew the answer but he needed to say it out loud.

"Without a doubt."

"So there's nothing more that needs to be said Cody. She knows that if the shoe was on the other foot and it had been her over there you would have risked everything to get her back." Sarah lay on her back and looked up at the ceiling. "I can't say that I will never understand what you and Jess have. I have never met two people who have what you have. Blood or not you're family. That's all that should matter."

"Women have dumped me for less." He smiled.

"Really? Jess has caused women to break up with you?"

"Not everyone understands how important family is to some people."

"Some, not always women, think because she isn't blood that there might be some weird adverse attraction between the two of us."

"Is there?" Sarah chuckled.

"Absolutely not." He smiled and leaned over to kiss the amazing woman that had come into his life. "She's always been my little sister, even before it become legal." He didn't want to talk about Jess any more, he made sure she didn't either.

6:15 am

Jess looked down at her pancakes and wished she hadn't ordered them. Benji and Cutler came off of a call just as their shift ended and Cody had left early, without a word, so she didn't say no when they invited her to come to breakfast with them.

"You said the words Jess, you can't take them back." Benji smiled.

"Okay, I'm sorry, alright." She took a bite of her food and felt Cutlers hand take hers under the table. He knew she regretted her antics on the last call. That didn't happen very often but she had thought Cody was back to his old self and he would have basked in a little stress relief. "I thought he was doing better."

"Maybe he just lost his sense of humor." Benji knew that Cody wasn't the same man laid on Jesse's roof a year ago. They all had been giving him a wide birth lately. When Sarah came into his life a few months ago he had seemed like he was getting back to his old self.

"I'm going to get some sleep and take a ride out to dad's before dinner tonight. You guys in?" Jess looked at her friends.

"Sounds like a plan. No running into wildlife this time okay." Leave it to Benji to bring up nineteen ninety-eight. She took a ten out of her pocket and left it on the table.

"Only if your promise to wear pants." She had a good memory too.

"I was twelve Jess and well…I looked damn good in that speedo." Jess laughed and leaned over and kissed Cutler.

"Don't be too long." She whispered and headed out the door. Benji shook his head.

"I don't know how you do it man."

"What?"

"Sleep with Matt's sister and still be friends with him." The younger man looked into his coffee. "Cody would of killed me."

"I think if you tried anything with Jess, she would have killed you." Cutler sat back and looked at his friend across the table. "Matt and I have come to a mutual understanding. He knows why she started dating me and he's willing to live with it as long as no one gets hurt and we keep it out of the station."

"You do know what happens to you if you hurt her right."

"Yeah, pretty sure I lose my job, my best friend, my home and my life."

"Is sex with Jess worth all that?" Benji tried not to snicker.

"You my young friend, will never know." Cutler paid his part of the bill and headed home to the warm of a really good woman.

6:00 pm

Jess sat and looked out at the lake. Every year since she was five she celebrated her birthday on this mountain. It wouldn't always be on the day she was born but one way or another she celebrated with her friends and family. Tonight she was sure the one person she wanted to have at her party wasn't going to be there. Cody had come so far in the past year but he wasn't the same. She knew that he would never be that carefree young man he was before his imprisonment but she hopped he would be somewhat back to his old self by now.

"How do thank someone for risking everything to pull your ass out of hell?" She felt his hands on her shoulders. "I mean does Hallmark make a card for that?" Jess closed her eyes.

"They do. Right next to the 'your sister's an ass and she's sorry' cards." Cody sat next to her and put his arm around her.

"You're not an ass Jess. We both grew up a lot in the past year. Maybe we both got a little cynical."

"Maybe?" Jess chuckled. "I am sorry about this morning Cody. Ever since you and Sarah started seeing each other I see more and more of the old you back and I guess I got overly excited about it."

"So you decided to give me a heart attack?" He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. "No more late night owl rescue missions."

"I promise." They stood up and walked toward their parent's house.

"Now if we can get you to dump Cutler." Jess hit Cody's shoulder and ran.

"Oh game on little sister." He took after her and before they hit the porch they were both laughing so hard they nearly didn't make it inside.