"Good morning, Carly!" Freddie Benson greeted his neighbor cheerfully. He looked coolly at her best friend. "Hello, Sam."
Carly smiled. "Good morning, Freddie."
"Hey, Freddie-o!" Sam said cheerfully. She eyed his bulky, hideous jacket, and Freddie sighed, wondering what new insult Sam could come up with this time.
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Don't say it. You know how my mom is about rainy days."
Carly frowned. "But Freddie, it's not even raining!"
He shrugged. "It's a little cloudy out," was all that he said.
Carly shook her head. "That's too bad. Here, let me get that for you. You must be sweltering!"
"Good idea. If I got gets any hotter, I think I would melt."
"Who wants Freddie all over their shoes? Blecch!" Sam made a gagging noise and pointed to her mouth. Carly snickered.
Freddie glared at her as they sat down. Just then, Spencer walked in. He was trying to lick his elbow, and he was looking pretty ridiculous.
"Hey, guyth. What'th up? Did you guyth eat yet?"
Carly looked at him strangely. "Um, we're okay. Are you guys hungry?"
Sam and Freddie both nodded.
"I'll go make you guyth thome lunth, then. Do ham thanwitheth thound good?" They nodded, and he walked away.
When he was gone, Sam bit her lip, trying not to giggle.
"What's so funny?" Carly asked, curious.
"What is he thinking?" Sam asked in a voice that Spencer couldn't hear. "Everyone knows you can't lick your elbow!"
Carly shrugged. "Please, it's easy. I've seen my cousin Tom do it. It's not impossible."
"I don't care. I still think Spencer is working for nothing."
"Oh, he'll be fine!" Carly exclaimed. "Maybe he can't do it, but just let him have his fun."
Sam rolled her eyes.
Freddie just sat back quietly, watching his friends argue. An idea was forming in his mind.
"Hey Carly, if you think it's so easy to lick your elbow, why don't you try it!"
Carly rolled her eyes. "What, do you think I'm stupid?"
Freddie raised his eyebrows. "But I thought you said it was easy!"
She paused for a moment. "I never said that," she replied. "I said it was possible, and that Sam should let Spencer have his fun. I never said that I could do it. And anyway, I'd probably look like an idiot!"
Sam smirked. "Aww, you wouldn't look like an idiot…much."
"Unless…" Freddie started, another idea floating into his mind.
"Unless what?" Sam said, secretly grinning. He wasn't thinking…
"Unless you did it on iCarly!" Freddie blurted out.
Carly's jaw dropped. There was no way she would be publicly humiliated like that.
"Oh, just do it!" Sam insisted. "We have an open slot on the show this week that we've been trying to fill, anyway, remember?"
Carly looked at Freddie suspiciously. It wasn't really like him to be mean to her.
"So, you're saying that when we do iCarly tomorrow night, you'll lick your elbow, making a total fool out of yourself in front of everyone?"
"Well, shall we make this a little more interesting?" Freddie asked.
"Interesting in what way?"
"If you fail—which, no offense, but I think you will—then you have to kiss me. Live. Deal?"
"Freddie…" Carly said in a warning tone.
"Yeah, I knew it wouldn't work. He sulked.
By that time, Spencer had come back with the lunches. He appeared to have given up on licking his elbow.
"All right, guys. "Here are your lunches. I'm leaving you three home alone while I get the groceries and gas for my car, OK?"
"Whatever," Freddie said. He was trying to pull the sympathy card on Carly.
For a few moments, the three friends ate their lunch in silence. Freddie continued sulking.
"Freddie," Carly said, sighing, "we've been over this. You know I don't like you."
"Right," Sam agreed. "And besides, you are showing Carly you care about her by not making her be humiliated in front of millions."
"That's true," Freddie conceded. "You, on the other hand, I wouldn't mind seeing humiliated."
He paused for a moment, having another brainstorm. "Hey, why don't you take the challenge instead?" he asked. "Considering you can take anything, can't you?" He was in an extra-bitter mood, and he always opted for a chance at humiliating Sam, even if it usually didn't work out.
"So, let me get this straight. If I succeed, then I'm labeled a freak. And if I lose…" she began, not sure if she would actually be able to spit it out."
"You have to kiss me," Freddie finished, nodding. "And on top of that, you have to wear this pretty little sweater my mom just knit for me. It's pink and has a cute little poodle on it." Sam cringed at the mention of the dorky sweater. "I hope you lose, of course, but you will be humiliated either way." He leaned back, thrilled. For once in his life, Sam, not he, was going to be humiliated, and she had no way out. There was a chance that he would have to endure a disgusting kiss, but if it meant that Sam would have to suffer as well, then he could survive.
Before Sam knew it, it was Friday night—time for iCarly.
"You nervous, Sam?" Carly asked.
"Of course not! What makes you think that?" Sam snapped at her best friend. She was trying to get the itchy poodle sweater on. Man, was it uncomfortable.
Carly looked at Sam's hand. "Oh, I don't know…maybe because your water bottle is bobbing up and down, and you're talking pretty quickly?"
Just then, Sam snapped out of her nervous daze. She was Tough Sam, the girl who could do anything, and wasn't afraid to make a fool of herself in front of half her school as well as most of the country.
"I'm fine," she said coolly. "Where's Freddie?"
"Oh, he'll be up any minute." Carly said. As if on cue, Freddie came in, ready to start filming.
"Alright, you guys ready?" Freddie asked, looking directly at Sam.
"Let's do this!"
"Okay then!" Freddie said, getting the camera ready. "In five…four…three…two…"
"Hey, I'm Carly!"
"This is a little web show we like to call iCarly!" Carly said.
Since you've typed in our internet address into your computer…" Sam started.
"…Then you obviously wanted to see us do awesome stuff like we usually do!" Carly finished.
"And you know what?" Sam asked.
"We're not going to do anything awesome this week!" Carly shouted.
"So you are out of luck!" Sam exclaimed.
They stood there for a moment, with dull, emotionless faces, and then they shouted in unison, "JUST KIDDING!"
"Now, let's start off with a video sent in to us by a girl named Lucy in Chicago! Look at what she can do with her elbows!"
Freddie played the video clip on the screen.
"Hey, Carly! Hiya, Sam!" the girl in the video said. "My name is Lucy. Look at what I can do!"
Lucy got on her carpet and slowly began to balance herself on just her elbows.
"Okay, now watch how long I can hold it for!" Lucy said.
The two girls watched as Lucy balanced herself on her elbows for thirty seconds.
Then, she finally fell over, and Sam pressed the cheer button on her remote.
When Freddie turned the video off, Carly spoke again. "So, Lucy did some crazy stuff with her elbows, right? Well, today on our show, Sam's gonna do something weird with her elbow, too!"
"You all know how it's impossible to lick your elbow? Well, I, Samantha Jean Puckett, am about to prove you wrong! Carly, bring out the chair!"
Carly brought out a wooden chair, and Sam sat in it.
"Drum roll, please!" Freddie shouted and Sam went to work trying to lick her elbow.
Talk to her, Freddie mouthed, and Carly nodded.
"So Sam, why did the chicken cross the road?"
"To get to the other thide! Theeth, Carly, everyone knowth that! Can't you think of thomething orithinal?"
Freddie was hysterical. Sam's weird voice made her even funnier. Their viewers would love it.
"Uhh…uhh!" Sam grunted, stretching her neck as far as it would go. Freddie and Carly laughed some more as Sam tried to lick her elbow.
Sam was desperate to succeed. She was mad. She was mad at Freddie for outsmarting her. She was mad at herself for sacrificing humiliation in front of her two best friends for national humiliation. Finally, she was mad in advance at all the people who were going to make fun of her. She knew she would lose either way. She finally gave up, but only because she figured the viewers were starting to get bored, and her neck was stretched out and sore.
Carly picked up Sam's remote and pressed the "Boo" button.
"Well, Sam, you did what you could. Luckily, you have a consolation prize. Carly, bring out the lip gloss." Freddie announced.
Carly handed Sam the gloss. "For Sam's consolation prize…she will get to kiss our technical producer, Freddie! Come on, Sam!"
Sam gagged, immediately regretting her choice. She stepped up to him slowly, until their noses were almost touching. She groaned, and took a deep breath. She poked out her lips, and he did the same, just as reluctantly. What did he get himself into?
Then, they kissed. The three of them had decided earlier that the kiss had to be at least five seconds long, but those mere seconds happened to the worst ones either of them had ever experienced.
When it was finally over, Sam grabbed some mouthwash she had kept at a table nearby, just in case. She grabbed it and rushed to the bathroom. Freddie went back to the camera.
"Well, that's our show for you!" Carly said, turning to the camera. "See you guys next week!" She waved.
After Freddie put all of the recording equipment away, he went downstairs to find Sam. He was looking forward to rubbing the humiliation she endured in her face, though he was pretty sure he would get teased back.
"So Sam, how did you enjoy being humiliated for the first time?" Freddie asked gleefully.
"Shut it, Fredward," Sam snapped. "You're going to be teased, too. You're a pretty bad kisser, after all."
Freddie sighed. He knew she was right. "Maybe so. But don't forget. I'm not the one who got made a fool of twice in a row. That's a double whammy."
Sam smirked. "Well, I guess that makes the score one for Freddie, three hundred forty eight for me."
Freddie rolled his eyes. He doubted that Sam actually kept track of how many times she succeeded in humiliating him.
"The battle is not over yet, twerp," Sam said evilly. "Beware."
A/N: So, there you go! PLEASE READ: Although it may seem like it, this story IS a oneshot and I will NOT be updating it. It's meant to end in a cliffhanger. Sorry!