I has more Fanfiction in me

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[I guess it's before BD… Eclipse's deleted scene ]

The episode of "Flapjack" was over and the commercial for some home pedicure thing was on. Emmet laughed and Rosalie wrinkled her nose in disgust. Alice and Jasper just sat and held hands. Carlisle and Esme were in the corner whispering dirty things to each other. Edward had his arm around Bella's shoulder while she cuddled into his icy form. Her face held confusion and Edward noticed. "Love, what's wrong?"

"Nothing…" she responded weakly.

"Bella," he pressed.

"Fine…um, do you guys mind if I asked some questions? I mean Edward and I are getting married soon and I'm curious."

"Ask away," said Edward.

"Okay….Emmet and Rosalie."

"Yeah?" said Emmet.

"How STUPID can you guys be?"

"Excuse me!" interrupted Rosalie.

"Emmet, you were killed by a BEAR. Don't you think that if we were meant to fight bears humans would have been given super strength, speed and size? Come on! When the bear attacked did your brain go 'oh shit! How do I scare off a BEAR!...Look big! Then the bear stood and was twice your size and you remembered that only worked with mountain lions."

Emmet growled slightly. Edward's grip on his fiancé tightened. "Love-"

"And Rosalie, what made you think that as pretty as you are, it was okay to put on a ho-dress in the middle of the night and go GROCERY SHOPPING!"

"I think you should stop now," whispered Edward but Bella was on a roll.

"Alice."

"Yes?"

"How old were you when you were turned because you don't look a day over eleven at your size. And does that mean that every time you and Jasper have sex it's not only pedophilia but statutory rape."

Alice seemed a bit peeved. "And Jasper, what war did you say you were in?"

"Civil," he answered cautiously.

"Which side were you on?"

"The south"

"Does that mean you're racist?"

"What?"

"Are you upset Barack is president?"

"NO!" he yelled.

"Are you sure?" she pushed.

"YES!"

"So, you are upset?"

"NO!"

"Fine, I'll ask you later," she mumbled. "You don't know what you want."

"Carlisle-!" Edward's hand shot up to cover Bella's mouth. She took ever ounce of strength she had and but his hand. In shock he pulled his hand away for inspection. "What kinda gay power is compassion? I mean the power to "love thy neighbor", that's not special."

Carlisle face went from a smile to one showing no emotion. Esme rested her hand on his shoulder. "Esme," called Bella.

"Yes, Bella?" asked the clueless mother figure.

"What was wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

"I mean you loose your child so you KILL yourself. Sure you loved him dearly but you still could've had another one. Were you emo?"

"Bella, that's enough," stated Edward

"But Edward, I have one more question!"

He sighed, "Fine."

"Edward…are you gay?"

"WHAT!" he yelled. His family's snickering could be heard in the background.

"You been surrounded by women for 108 years and you haven't gotten laid ONCE. You call me beautiful all the time, we're getting married, and we've barely hit 1st base."

"Bella-"

"Maybe it's because I'm just a front until Emmet, Jasper, or…Mike decides to look your way."

"Love, I'm not a homosexual."

"Edwar-" her voice cut off as soon as the Chowder theme song came on. As of now the discussion was clearly over. She snuggled back into his form and watched the show oblivious to the fact that all eyes were on her. She sighed and softly said, "I'm glad I got that off my chest."

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I came up with this yesterday and I went with it….i hope y'all enjoyed it

Luv

-Fan