9A/N: This takes place over the winter (probably end of January to spring break) of Jackson's freshman year at college, and Lilly's junior year. The first few scenes are when Jackson is home over the weekend, and the last few over spring break.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything recognizable to the Hannah Montana TV series, Breaking Benjamin, Quizno's, Apple and anything related, and basically any brand you see in this fanfiction. Nor do I own the song Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick.
2 AM
It didn't seem like silence to him. His iPod was playing Breaking Benjamin, and he was munching noisily on his sandwich. But when the phone rang, a shrill cry, things changed. If his dad woke up he would be pissed off for the rest of the day, which was so not good. So he pulled a spidey-leap over the kitchen island and answered before the second scream.
"Hello?"
"J-J-Jackson?" He would be damned if he actually heard a sigh of relief. Not from her. Not from…
"Lilly?" His mind was racing. Why was she calling so late? Or, if he looked at the clock, so early? Why was she stuttering? Was she okay?
"C-can you c-come p-pick me up?"
From the ragged breaths she took between each word, he could tell one thing: she wasn't stuttering, she was crying.
He scrambled, grabbing his jacket off of the couch, his keys from the back door hook. "Where are you?"
"Umm..." Dammit. Not knowing where you are? Not good. "213 Magnolia. Over by Quizno's, I-I think."
He was already fumbling with the door handle, pushing against the lock while trying to hit the unlock button on his keys, tugging on his jacket and still balancing the phone. His earlier question was stupid; she was obviously not okay.
"I'm there."
She was sitting on the curb, arms around her knees, still shaking with tears. Jackson looked around for signs of a party, a pissed off (or maybe just pissed) friend, some reason as to why she was out in the cold (as cold as it could get in a Malibu winter). Nothing.
"Lilly." She jumped. "Get in." She raced to the door, but her numb, shaky fingers couldn't open the latch. She was grabbing almost desperately, and she practically fell into the car when he reached and opened the door for her.
"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you..." She fumbled again, now with shutting the door and fastening her seatbelt. He drifted down the street at a lazy pace.
"Lilly," he repeated. She stopped talking, stopped fumbling, and he could see the remnants of heartbreak in her eyes. "What happened?"
Her mouth dropped open in almost a gasp. He got the impression she hadn't expected questions. "I-I...I...
"Don't tell Miley."
That explains the sigh of relief when she called, when he had picked up.
"Don't tell my mom, either."
The car slowed to a stop, far, far away from either of their houses or the house that had made Lilly cry. Jackson took her chin gently in his hand, turned her face to his, and asked again, "What happened?"
She held his wrist, the one attached to the hand holding her face. "I thought he loved me. And I thought I loved him too. But I don't... don't love him."
She promptly burst into tears.
Falling into him, she landed on his shoulder, her tiny body wracked with sobs he never thought she could muster. His arm slid around her awkwardly, rubbing small circles on her back. Like many other guys he knew, he normally didn't do tears. For the girl in his arms, though, he could probably make an exception.
"He said he loved me. And he said if I'm in love with him too, I'd...sleep with him." Jackson sucked in a deep breath, angered even though he'd had suspicions of what had gone on at 213 Magnolia Street.
"I didn't want to lose him...but I don't think I can ever...never again, not with him..."
She rose up, wiping at her face with the palm of her hand.
"Don't tell Miley?"
Jackson was confused. That was the second time she'd said that, but wouldn't she at least want her best friend to know?
"Why-"
"She'll think I'm a whore. That's what she said when we thought Sarah had lost...it. 'She's a whore in my book.' But I'm not a whore, I think...am I?"
She then pulled the impossible, turning to him with wide, questioning, sad eyes. He could still see innocence in them.
"No. Not in my book." She let out a breath he hadn't noticed she'd been holding.
"Let me take you home."
"No!" She gripped his arm quickly, taking him by surprise. "My mom thinks I'm at your house, sleeping over with Miley."
Jackson drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, considering options. "I can take you back to my house and you can think of some explanation for Miley and Dad, or you can sleep in my room and sneak out before they wake up, or you can go home and say you had a fight with Miley or something. Take your pick."
Lilly bit her lip. "I think door number three sounds best."
"Then let's go."
They never made it to her house. Somewhere between Flatbread Sammies and the beach, Lilly fell asleep. She didn't wake when Jackson inched his truck into his driveway, or when he cradled her like a doll in his arms and carried her to his room. She rolled over when he placed her on his bed, immediately grabbing his pillow and cuddling to it. Jackson looked at his alarm clock; 2:47. Stripping off his jacket, he grabbed the escape ladder from his closet and set it by the door, giving the small blonde means of escape before returning downstairs and falling asleep on the couch so no one would have to think to look in his room in the morning.
He visited more often over the weekends, checking on Lilly (though no one needed to know that), and everything Jackson had learned would happen in abstinence class- guilt, loss of self esteem, all that junk, he saw in her. She wasn't quite the over-excited little squealer from before, and no matter how much it used to annoy him, he found himself wanting nothing more than to turn back time and do whatever he possibly could to get her back. She forced her smile around everyone, even Miley, and when she turned to him and gave a sad little shrug, his heart broke in ways that it never had before. It got worse over the next two months, and when Miley left the living room one day over spring break, unknowingly leaving them alone, and Lilly turned to him with the saddest, most scared look on her face, he cracked.
"What happened? Are you okay?" She bit her lip and shook her head.
"Just another lie I believed..."
She drove him crazy, dropping off as her voice cracked at the end.
"We- I- He didn't use protection, Jackson."
Shit. "Lilly, what are you-"
"Excuse me." She promptly turned to the trash can and puked. He darted behind her, pulling her hair back in his hands. She stood and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
"Sorry. But you see what I mean? That's been happening over the past three days." She delivered it so calmly, but he could see the hidden fear in her eyes. "He said it couldn't happen on the first time."
"Do you want a glass of water?" She nodded, licking her dry lips. Jackson mentally kicked himself for noticing so acutely. He turned to the sink before his face gave him away. 'You're stupid, Jackson, really damn stupid.'
"Have you taken a test?"
"No...That takes freaking courage, and I'm just...scared."
He handed her the glass water, but he grabbed her hand in his before she could pick up the glass.
"You need a real test. Home tests are too iffy."
"Jackson-"
"Let me take you." He gave her his no-nonsense look, one he didn't use very often so that when he did people knew he really, really meant business.
"Okay."
As he turned back to the counter to grab a bag of chips, he heard the dings of cell phone buttons, then, "Hello? I'm calling to make an appointment. My name is-"
"Lilly Truscott?"
Within two seconds Jackson's hand was being crushed to death, with a following, "Oh my God!"
He rubbed circles on the back of her hand as he stood, pulling her with him. "Come on, Lil. It'll be okay."
As they followed the nurse to the small, white, obviously insanely sterile room, he could feel Lilly shaking beside him. She stumbled onto the table, twiddling her thumbs nervously. Jackson wished he could understand; on the ride there, she had been completely collected, with every possible outcome in mind and with a plan to back each one up. But maybe it was kind of like him taking a test. He always felt prepared, but when he was sitting in the desk in the right before...
Of course, he normally bombed those tests.
Before she left, the nurse turned right to him, startling him out of his thoughts. "Are you the possible father?"
Lilly opened her mouth to speak - they hadn't rehearsed this answer - but Jackson's mind was racing. She was asking...because she wouldn't be able to tell him the results if he wasn't. Right? He'd seen enough medical shows to know that.
"Yeah," he intervened before Lilly could answer. "Yeah. I'm the...yeah."
The nurse nodded, told them a doctor would be with them shortly, and left. After she was two steps out the door, Lilly turned accusingly to him.
"Jackson, what the hell?"
He rebutted her glare with a knowing look. "You watch TV, don't you?"
He saw the light turn on in her brain. "Oh. Right." She sat back on the table, mouth closing and eyes glazing over. Jackson took an unwanted opportunity to observe.
He had already seen firsthand her loss of innocence, and not just in her body. After her "incident," she'd somehow been able to see the world more openly. It changed her whole demeanor, and all of a sudden his brain and body were telling him that she was a good dating candidate, no matter every other circumstance he knew about her: she was two years younger than him, still in high school, his little sister's best friend, and, to top it all off, the reason they were even sitting there was because she had scared herself shitless in a bad relationship. The actually smart and logical side of him realized all the wrongnesses (if that was a word), but that side was slowly and surely being trumped.
"Jackson?" Her eyes locked with his and he was shaken out of his perverted reverie. "Everything's going to be okay, right?"
Doubts. But he knew. He was sure. "Yeah, Lilly. Everything's going to be-"
The door opened, and the doctor walked in. "Alright, Lilly. Let's get started."
An hour later found Jackson on the table next to Lilly, both equally anxiously waiting for the results. His arm was draped across her shoulder, and if at all possible, she was shaking even more violently. The standard silver trash can was resting patiently in front if her, just waiting for the blow her pale face predicted. Her hand was squeezing his so hard, he prayed she wouldn't be pregnant just so he wouldn't have to endure this pain again when she was giving birth.
That's when it hit him - if she was pregnant, and there was a complete likelihood that she was, he would actually take responsibility. Full responsibility, from him, Jackson Stewart. The revelation hit him like a ton of bricks. It wasn't that he hoped for a baby, or for Lilly to have to basically suffer, but still...this was something he would do.
"I have your test results," their doctor announced as the door squeaked open. She held out the small, white, and incredibly intimidating paper to Lilly and said in a neutral voice, "I'm sorry." Those two words were all it took for Lilly to burst into tears without even taking the paper. As she nestled her head into Jackson's shoulder, he peered over her head at the offending paper.
Negative.
"Lilly, it's okay," he comforted, trying to get her to look up. She shook her head as well as she could in the crook of his neck, and his dumb body noticed clearly how warm she was.
Jackson pushed on Lilly's shoulder, trying in vain. "I'm serious, Lilly. You're-"
"How can you say that?" she screamed, pulling out of his arms and letting him see her tear-stricken face. "No, everything is NOT fine!"
"But you're not pregnant." He held the paper up to her eye level. As she read, her shoulders sagged and she exhaled.
"Oh my God," she smiled, returning to her previous position in his arms. He couldn't say he didn't enjoy it. "But why am I so sick?"
"I've heard there's a stomach virus going around," the doctor helped. Jackson's mind went back to the heat Lilly's body was radiating, and he realized that maybe there was a bit too much. He felt her forehead; sure enough, that would constitute as a fever.
"That would explain why you're so warm. Let's get you out of here before you get me sick, too."
So they left, hand in hand.
His spring break ended with him lying on his bed, blaring more Breaking Benjamin on his iPod, sandwich on his stomach, and playing Tap Tap Revenge. Despite all of these distractions, he couldn't keep his mind off the girl spending the night with her best friend two rooms down the hall who had been the highlight of his winter, albeit weirdly and dramatically. One more night, and he could go back to UCLA and forget about having the wrong sort of dreams about the most off-limits girl in history.
But he didn't notice when his door creaked open slowly, or when said girl called his name quietly, or even when she shut the door a little louder. So of course he was scared shitless when his ear bud was pulled out. It wasn't his fault that he flipped over, sending his iPod, his sandwich, and himself tumbling to the floor.
"What the- Lilly! Geez," he breathed holding his hand to his chest as he stood. She was practically crouched on the floor, so wracked with giggles.
"Sorry!"
"Really?"
"No. That was freaking hilarious."
"For you, maybe."
She stood and sobered, still with a smile on her face. He went back down the floor, picking up the half-eaten remains of his sandwich and tossing them in the trash.
"So...what are you doing in here? My dad kinda has this rule, no girls in my room with the door shut, especially at night... I don't know if that applies since I am in college...but you are you...and a jun-"
She slapped a hand over his mouth before he could babble any more.
"I just came to tell you that this has been the shittiest winter of my life, except for the one where my mom and dad got divorced."
His brow furrowed. "Glad I could help?"
She shook her head. "If it weren't for you, this winter actually would be the shittiest one. You made it better, you helped me in a way that even Miley couldn't. I bet if you hadn't been there, I would have ended up pregnant, or with an STD or something, and all lonely and be called a whore, and that would suck, you know? And-"
It was his turn to put his finger on her lips. His rambling, hyper Lilly was back.
"Spit it out, Lil."
She looked at him with that look, the one that he rarely got from girls, pushed his finger aside, and locked her lips with his.
"Thank you," she whispered, pulling away and almost releasing his hands, which he hadn't realized she was holding. Almost, as in he pulled her back to him before she got the chance. He took advantage of her gasp of surprise and pushed his tongue past her lips. She responded with full fervor; he could feel her fingers tangling in his hair, and his hands were gripping her waist and tank top tightly.
When they broke apart for much-needed air, he rested his forehead against hers. She giggled and kissed his nose. It was so nice to hear her laugh.
"I should go...I told Miley I was going to the bathroom." She kissed him one last time before breaking out of their embrace and heading for the door.
"Goodnight, Jackson," She whispered, and she blew him one last kiss.
Jackson flopped down on his bed, a happy smile on his face for the first time in a while. Before he turned out the light, he looked at his clock.
2 AM.
...and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him."
Winter just wasn't my season...